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Congratulations! You're probably a fish. - Volume 2
1) You’d wear a WSOP bracelet
2) You’d prefer the prestige of winning more than the money
3) When picking spots to 3bet, your general thought process is, “I’m mixing it up”
4) You’ve never overbet bluff
5) You wear sunglasses at the table (this also puts you into the subset of ‘douchebag’)
6) You use a chip protector for your cards Live
7) You still use the term Full House, or the nut worst possibility, ‘Full Boat’
8) You’d fold Aces preflop in any situation that isn’t an MTT stone bubble, or satellite
9) When someone asks you, “But what does Juanda have?” You reply with anything other than “treeps”
10) You think a VPIP is some sort of sexually transmitted disease
11) You’ve never made a Royal Flush
12) You think slowrolling is funny
13) You need 20+ buy-ins to be comfortable at any limit
14) You think that ‘Badugi’ sounds like some sort of childrens TV character
15) You think using Sharkscope makes you a balla
16) You try to tilt people with bet amounts like ’12,345’ or ’399,999’
17) You count your chips in stacks of 2
18) You think Gliterbabe, Jakally, AJS4385, dantb10 and Browndog et al are some of the best loose-aggressive players on the site.
19) You find it difficult to adore TommyD
20) You ALWAYS either bet 1/2, 3/4, or full pot
21) You think Ks7s2c is a wet board
22) You deal the flop one card at a time
23) You think 3betting someone light constitutes as a levelling war
24) You don’t have a man-crush on Patrik Antonius
25) You get upset when James Hartigan rips into someone for playing bad
26) You’ve recently been caught sitting at a cash table with 99bb or less.
27) You refer to someone with an open-ender as ‘Upping and downing’
28) You check-back/just call because you want to ‘Pot Control’
29) You don’t know what a Vluff or a Blalue bet is
30) You don’t know what a parsley draw is
31) You refer to an opponent that’s drawing, as “he’s fishing for an X”
32) You don’t know how to play any other games than; Hold ‘em, Stud Hi, or 5-Card Draw
33) You know how to play 5-Card Stud
34) You’ve played a HU Lottery
35) You play the regular Lottery
36) You justify bumhunting as ‘game selection’ (needling bumhunting nits is fun)
37) You rate Dan Shak, Steve O’ Dwyer, Mike Matasow, or... any Live Pro
38) You look confused when someone makes a bet sizing tell joke in limit games
39) You think the words “Poker-Stove” has something to do with playing poker in the kitchen
40) It takes you more than 5 seconds to work out a pot sized raise
41) You don’t know the difference between equity and EV
42) You get annoyed when anyone asks you to table your hand after a failed bloof
43) You don’t put your chips in 2k/20k/200k/2m stacks
44) You prefer to say Xthousand instead of Xk
45) You’ve never ‘rubbed a fiddy on your t1tty’, while listening to “Bling Blang Blaow”
46) You don’t lick your chops when a Sky lolpro sits on your direct right
47) You don’t announce your hand immediately after being called
48) You shy away into a PhilLaak-esque cacoon as soon as the first card is dealt in a hand
49) You fold the button
50) Seeing ‘Villian’ squirm when you put them to tough decisions makes you feel bad/guilty
51) You make jokes about how Vanessa Selsbt looks like a man, or how female players should be busy making you sandwiches. (I’m kidding. This doesn’t make you a fish. It just makes you a giant douchebag.)
52) You follow strict Bankroll Management.... or....
53) You get staked.... or....
54) You don’t like prop bets....
55) Basically, I just reeeeeeeeeeeally fcukin’ hate massive nits. Sorry guys.
Comments
Why is there no HOT-O-METER for PLO8 games? :-)
Again I've dodged most of 'em except for being a big or a BR nit, but I'm learning to improve on that... one day I'll sit down at 200NL with £1k
EDIT: Sigh, Hoggers did the same question
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| Full House
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| Full Boat
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lol-GTFO Three of a Kind and a Pair
All just imo ofc...
Just thought it'd be good to let the forum know how best to tilt me in chat, or Live. Full Boat for instant mega-tilt. Three of a Kind and a Pair probably means I just call the floor/TD over to have you perma-banned from the establishment for life. js.
OKAY, but seriously, ty for the love fellas (and fellaettes? Fellettes? Fellahlahs? fml) Can't wait for y'all to just insta-tilt me Live. So much punish. S'gunna be beautiful.
I am working my way up to this. I am currently on a fiver on my belly listening to chitty chitty bang bang.
Slowrolling is fun.
A Prial & a pair!
can someone tell me whether i should aspire to have them all or have none of them please?
Valid point regarding the "Wet Board" Smitty but what about this one...........
Great post.