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***True Poker Quotes***
Last weekend B&M 3-6:
The board is 5 clubs
Down to three, first guy bets (with a club), second guy calls (with a club), button calls, and proudly declares, "Three of a kind."
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my future sister-in-law once called my wife to showdown with Q-high. this was her 2nd time playing. my brother asked why she called down. her reply..."i was bluffing".
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After a fair amount of raising and re-raising throughout.
"Jack High"
"What's your kicker"
"8"
"It's good."
The board is 5 clubs
Down to three, first guy bets (with a club), second guy calls (with a club), button calls, and proudly declares, "Three of a kind."
******************************************************************************************
my future sister-in-law once called my wife to showdown with Q-high. this was her 2nd time playing. my brother asked why she called down. her reply..."i was bluffing".
******************************************************************************************
After a fair amount of raising and re-raising throughout.
"Jack High"
"What's your kicker"
"8"
"It's good."
Comments
Heard these last weekend in a 3/6/12 game:
"I need to play in a bigger game, people will play any trash at this table"
On the river, "Does a full house beat a flush?"
After losing a showdown, "I knew exactly what you had"
"I've seen almost every flop and still end up losing my a$$!"
"When I play high-cards, I lose. When I play low-cards, I lose. I don't know what else to play anymore!"
"This low-limit (Hold 'Em game) aint poker...it's 2 card bingo! Hey floorman, put me on the 4-8 Omaha!"
Someone in a pokerstars .02/.04 game chat accused me of having the site rigged when my AQ outkicked his A3o.
My alltime favorite is something I overheard from the table behind us:
"So I raise before the flop, and he calls, the flop comes duece, rag, rag...."
I had chocolate milk thru the nose on that one.
Not sure this qualifies as "funny", but it's certainly
the worst advice I ever got.
First time playing live, i open raise with 99 in late position and win when i spike a set on the river (BB had
flopped 2-pair)
Old guy next to me says... "You got really lucky. You really shouldn't raise before the flop since you have to hit the flop to win, ill raise with aces but only if im winning
First time I ever played poker in a casino, I'm talking to the guy next to me and I tell him I would have hit trips on the river with my 4-4 had I not folded. He tells me you should "NEVER fold a pair." I say, "what do you mean?" He said no matter whats on the board "you should always call the whole way with any pair because if you get 3 of a kind you'll win." Greatest advice I ever heard.
And my all-time favorite saying in poker - when someone complains about a bad beat:
"This is called Poker. You wanna sure thing, go find your mother."
I heard this on Saturday night. 4 ways on the river, checked around to the drunk button who says, "How much can I bet?" Various people at the table reply with some form of it's 5/10 limit, $10. He says, "How much? I bet the pot," and is reminded it's a limit game. He says, "no way, I was told this is pot limit. You can't bluff anyone in limit. I check."
An actual conversation with a friend of mine who claims to be a good poker player.
Him: I'm so mad, I lost so much money last night.
Me: Bummer.
Him: Get this, I had AA in the BB and I lost.
Me: Did you raise them, how many people in the pot?
Him: No, they all stayed in. They stay in with anything.
Me: Um...
Him: Anyways, the board showed J5373. The guy went all-in. I had to call him. He showed J3. If the river card had been ANY OTHER card then the 3, I would have won. I always get beat on the river.
Me: .....
online about a year ago, Im in a pot against 2 fish. I have J10 suited, and have flopped an open ended str8 draw, and the board also has a flush draw (different suit than mine). Fish min. bets, I call other fish folds. turn is junk, same thing..min. bet, call. river misses me, but hits the flush (that Im not chassing). fish min bets, I bluff the flush for a pot size bet...fish thinks, and thinks..then calls (UGH). Pot comes my way??? He shows like 85 (no pair, 8 high). He then types in "I knew you were bluffing".
Guy 1 has KK and raises preflop. One Caller (Guy 2). Flop comes J62 rainbow. Guy 2 goes all-in. Guy 1 says "I think you are on the draw and I don't want to gamble tonight, so I'm going to lay this down." He then flips over his KK. Guy 2 had absolutely nothing
playing a NL game with friends, i had AA, and after many raises and reraise preflop, we got all in. he had JJ, and spiked his J on the flop. someone asked him how he couldn't put me on Aces, and he replied "well i did for a minute, and thought if he had AA then my JJ is as good as KK and i'm not folding KK."