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PEOPLE WHO SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO BREATHE

labrat64labrat64
edited March 2010 in The Shed

You all know who i'm talking about, the people on this planet who are so stupid they use up valuable oxygen that the rest of us could use. I'd like to hear your stories.
I don't mean idiots that kill themselves, like the Darwin Awards, but just stupid laugh out loud funny stories about your friends family or even something you've read about.
I'll start with a cracker that i found in the Readers Digest this morning whilst waiting in the doctor's surgery.

My friend, took his instant barbecue back to Asda to complain that it didn't have any food in it, despite the picture on the packaging suggesting otherwise.
           The customer-service assistant patiently explained that this was for illustrative purposes only and asked if it had been a "buy one, get one free" offer. He replied that it had indeed been. "Where's the other one then" she asked him. The guy went bright red "At home in the freezer"

I think you'll agree this guy doesn't deserve free air, now please let's hear yours..

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Comments

  • BADBOY985BADBOY985
    edited March 2010

    a mate of mines wife (who is a lovely woman and should be allowed to breathe) but has a couple of classic monents that always make me smile

    1. my mates house over looks the beach and one night they were sittng on the sofa looking at the sky out to sea my mate dozes off. only to be frantically woken by his wife shouting " joe wake up wake up........... the moon just moved"

    2. watching the news on tv one night there was a bit on it about the queen vising somewhere or other when she turn to joe and asks " whos that prince phillip bloke whos always hanging around the queen?" knowing her form my mate explains hes the queens husband  to which she replies "is the queen married?"

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  • emilyeggemilyegg
    edited March 2010
    The Bloke who rang 999 to find out what time Tesco`s were closing on Christmas Eve deserves an honourable mention. (Daily Mirror)
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  • DOHHHHHHHDOHHHHHHH
    edited March 2010

    Gary Neville....
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  • emilyeggemilyegg
    edited March 2010
    In Response to Re: PEOPLE WHO SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO BREATHE:
    Gary Neville....
    Posted by DOHHHHHHH
    +1
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  • BADBOY985BADBOY985
    edited March 2010
    ive worked in retail 20+ years and ive had a few classics

    once had a bloke bring back a pot of paint to complain that it didnt dry on his wall and most of it ran off
    i asked when did you paint it?
    he replied this morning
    i said but its been chucking it down all day
    he says i know but were selling the house and the estate agents coming to take a picture this afternoon!

    i said you cant paint in the rain
    he replied i doesnt say that on the tin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  • unknown_usernameunknown_username
    edited March 2010

    heres a list
    murderers
    rapists
    peodos and
    gary neville ;-)

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  • emilyeggemilyegg
    edited March 2010
    In Response to Re: PEOPLE WHO SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO BREATHE:
    ive worked in retail 20+ years and ive had a few classics once had a bloke bring back a pot of paint to complain that it didnt dry on his wall and most of it ran off i asked when did you paint it? he replied this morning i said but its been chucking it down all day he says i know but were selling the house and the estate agents coming to take a picture this afternoon! i said you cant paint in the rain he replied i doesnt say that on the tin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Posted by BADBOY985
    PMSL....As Bright as a Sack of Coal
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  • BADBOY985BADBOY985
    edited March 2010
    stoke i find some of youre views a bit extreme

    except obviously the gary neville bit
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  • loonytoonsloonytoons
    edited March 2010
    In Response to Re: PEOPLE WHO SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO BREATHE:
    heres a list murderers rapists peodos and gary neville ;-)
    Posted by stokefc
    surely these are in the wrong order?
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  • Quagmire72Quagmire72
    edited March 2010
    I once read a story about a farmer who'd had several things stolen from his big garden shed. He decided to set a trap which involved tying a piece of string to a gun trigger and the shed door so that when anyone attempted to break-in they'd get a nasty surprise. The douche completely forgot about it and opened the door himself to go and get some food for his chickens.

    I wonder what his reaction was(apart from a big scream). How embarrassing.
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  • DOHHHHHHHDOHHHHHHH
    edited March 2010

    Slow-rollers, Hit and Runners, Min - Buy-in'ers........
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  • POTTSY82POTTSY82
    edited March 2010
    Not sure how true this is but I got told this before by a bloke I used to work with, it was his mate, he was nearly wetting hiself telling me.  A builder from around here hit a cat with his van, stopped got out and seen the cat laying on the pavement  just moving its paw, he smashed it with a shovel a couple of times to put it out of pain, killing it, when a woman came running out of the house hitting him, he explained what happened.  Turned out it wasn't the same cat, her cat was basking in the sun and they found the other cat dead nearby
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  • lucy4lucy4
    edited March 2010
    urban myths
    except gary neville.
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  • AIRWALKERAIRWALKER
    edited March 2010
    Was playing trivial persuit with my family a few years back. My sister in law had the question...

    Which club is golfs British Open played at?
    To which she replied.....a four iron lol.

    Then in the same game she was asked...

    Which peer disappeared in nineteen sixty or seventy something or another and she said..........

    Brighton lololol.
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  • labrat64labrat64
    edited March 2010
    In Response to Re: PEOPLE WHO SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO BREATHE:
    ive worked in retail 20+ years and ive had a few classics once had a bloke bring back a pot of paint to complain that it didnt dry on his wall and most of it ran off i asked when did you paint it? he replied this morning i said but its been chucking it down all day he says i know but were selling the house and the estate agents coming to take a picture this afternoon! i said you cant paint in the rain he replied i doesnt say that on the tin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Posted by BADBOY985
    Classic badboy pmsl at that.
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  • labrat64labrat64
    edited March 2010
    In Response to Re: PEOPLE WHO SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO BREATHE:
    Gary Neville....
    Posted by DOHHHHHHH
    Of course, how could i not remember that one!
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  • blade900blade900
    edited March 2010
    jordan, kerry katatonic,peter andre,brian dowling ,graham norton,george bush,any northern ireland politition,my landlord,my ex,my rave fanatic neighbour..........,i could go on all day but im upset now!
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  • blade900blade900
    edited March 2010
    here guys im from belfast who is gary neville lol
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  • DOHHHHHHHDOHHHHHHH
    edited March 2010
    In Response to Re: PEOPLE WHO SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO BREATHE:
    jordan, kerry katatonic,peter andre,brian dowling ,graham norton,george bush,any northern ireland politition,my landlord,my ex,my rave fanatic neighbour..........,i could go on all day but im upset now!
    Posted by blade900
    lol! 

    cant agree with kerry katona tho - she's alright ;)
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  • crow01crow01
    edited March 2010
    kerry katona aka the coke sniffing midget, husband beating crack whoree, who by just moving within the vicinity of me lowered the value of my house, nice one!
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  • DOHHHHHHHDOHHHHHHH
    edited March 2010

    JUST MY TYPE :)
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  • BADBOY985BADBOY985
    edited March 2010
    In Response to Re: PEOPLE WHO SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO BREATHE:
    kerry katona aka the coke sniffing midget, husband beating crack whoree, who by just moving within the vicinity of me lowered the value of my house, nice one!
    Posted by crow01
    not going 2 the house warming then m8
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  • crow01crow01
    edited March 2010
    In Response to Re: PEOPLE WHO SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO BREATHE : not going 2 the house warming then m8
    Posted by BADBOY985
    haha she move into a house down the road from me years ago, she is still a tramp and should be executed by removing her eye lids and poking her naked eyes until she stops breathing. or until it really hurts.
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  • spornybolspornybol
    edited March 2010
    Me and my dad where watchin a polish film with subtitles it was quite good and about 30 mins into it there was some laughter on it, then my mum comes out with at least there laughing in english, that was it could not breathe with laughter. ( never did c end of film)
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  • warticwartic
    edited March 2010
    sat with my daughter and we couldnt decide which movie too watch so the missus says "theres an indiana jones movie about to start" we ignored her and put "Shaun of the Dead" on. Half hour in she says where's Harrison Ford then????


    Dont know about people not being allowed to breath but certainly they shouldnt be allowed to breed and thats anyone that has an intrest in the trash that the red tops consider to be news ie; soap operas, jordan, kerry Katona, reality tv stars etc
    Yeah Gary Neville should be stopped from reproducing as well
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  • emilyeggemilyegg
    edited March 2010
    In Response to Re: PEOPLE WHO SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO BREATHE:
    haha she move into a house down the road from me years ago, she is still a tramp and should be executed by removing her eye lids and poking her naked eyes until she stops breathing. or until it really hurts.
    Posted by crow01
    LOL...Big Tit*ed, Chip-Shop rubbish.....
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  • crow01crow01
    edited March 2010
    and dont get me started on gary neville....... oh and his dad neville neville...... grrrrrr
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  • STEVEMAXSTEVEMAX
    edited March 2010
    In Response to Re: PEOPLE WHO SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO BREATHE:
    a mate of mines wife (who is a lovely woman and should be allowed to breathe) but has a couple of classic monents that always make me smile 1. my mates house over looks the beach and one night they were sittng on the sofa looking at the sky out to sea my mate dozes off. only to be frantically woken by his wife shouting " joe wake up wake up........... the moon just moved" 2. watching the news on tv one night there was a bit on it about the queen vising somewhere or other when she turn to joe and asks " whos that prince phillip bloke whos always hanging around the queen?" knowing her form my mate explains hes the queens husband  to which she replies "is the queen married?"
    Posted by BADBOY985
    You can`t be serious,
    If he married that then HE doesn`t deserve to breathe.
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  • STEVEMAXSTEVEMAX
    edited March 2010



     What about Gary Neville`s brother:-

      PHILIP,same family just as bad.

        
     
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