AMAZING NEWS - TIKAY TO TOP THE UK POP CHARTS

DiggerMan · March 2010

Whilst doing the usual reconnaissance in Burgundy fields prior to TKO III, our agents came across something that they thought might be of interest, although they didn’t actually know what it was! It was in the shape of a disc, similar to a CD but larger, made from a black vinyl-type substance and had a small hole in the middle. After further investigation and a few phone calls to the British Museum, it was found to be very much like a CD in that it was a storage device for music. Apparently, to be able to hear the music you have to scrape a needle across the surface which seems to be a little odd but anyway, we needed to hear what was on that disc! Eventually, we found someone who had a contraption (he called it a record player, so we assume that the disc is called a record!) that would enable us to hear the contents! What we heard was truly astounding! And with other titbits of information extracted from enemy sources, we have discovered the following:From within the depths of Burgundy Fields, the man they call Tikay has been secretly planning a music career and this “record” is all set to be his first release. It is based on his own life and is a reworking of a “classic”? song from 1970 by a gentleman called Clive Dunn. The original song was called Grandad, so kind of apt really! Unfortunately, we were unable to convert the track into a form that would be suitable to listen to (to be honest, nobody could!) but we do have the lyrics!Will it be a future No.1? Well, with the state of the music in the current charts, there’s every chance!!! Gawd help us!!!

I've been sitting here all day thinking
Donking all my chips away just thinking
Now all my chips are gone, the memories linger on
Thoughts of when I was boy

Saw Moses on a mountain top reading
A famous bloke from Nazareth preaching
I helped Noah build a boat
And Joseph pick his lovely coat
Although he didn’t like burgundy

(Chorus sung by the Burgundy Fields Massive innit!)
Tikay, Tikay you're lovely
That's what we all think of you
Tikay, Tikay you're lovely
We’ll all wear burgundy too
Tikay Tikay

Saw Icarus the silly sod flying
Methuselah was in his cot, crying
Archimedes worked it out! “Eureka” I heard him shout
As he ran down the street in the buff

And that reminds me of last year, Vegas
Locked myself out of my room, keyless
No trousers and no way back in, it was so embarrassing
With all my bits dangling about

Tikay, Tikay you're lovely
That's what we all think of you
Tikay, Tikay you're lovely
We’ll all wear burgundy too
Tikay Tikay

Tikay (to fade...)