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Aces cracked... again!
Guys, I'm not usually one to beef about a bad beat, but I played a hand last night that really defies belief...
Imagine the scene: I'm sitting in the living room of my Lithuanian Mountain Retreat, with Steve, my pet Armadillo, curled up in my lap gently snoozing. I've just poured myself a large draft of my favourite tipple (a pint of Créme De Menthe with a Toilet Duck mixer, and an Egg Nog & Babycham depth-charge), when I'm excited to see Pocket Rockets. The Bullets. Aces (off suit).
Now, as luck would have it, I've studied Poker at great length, and have read all the best guides written by pros, so I knew exactly what to do in this spot. In fact, it had only been last night whilst in bed, that I'd cast my dog-eared copy of Shaven Ravers aside, and picked up Sklansky's excellent first book: 'Play Like A Winner, Win Like A Player, Then Play With Your Winkle'.
I dimly recalled the third paragraph on page 27: “If you find yourself in position with Aces as your hole cards, then you really ought to go all-in immediately, and also lob your car keys and watch into the pot too, because statistically speaking, there is absolutely no way that this powerful combo can be outdrawn... Ever, or your money back!”
“OK Dave”, I muttered aloud, “I'm betting the farm here, just like you asked me to”.
Imagine my surprise then, when my opponent called me with pocket twos. Imagine my even greater surprise when he hit three more 2's on the flop, and a further two 2's on the turn and river. It was like living in a Two Festival, or a Sesame Street Counting Nightmare (I get those a lot since returning from 'Nam).
Naturally, I was devastated, hurt, lost, alone, dejected and betrayed (in that order). Still, I know how to lose with dignity and take a bad beat on the chin, so I just ruefully typed into the chat box: “n1, wp, gg, gl, lol” and then added a little winky emoticon for good measure.
I believe that I then wept and repeatedly smashed my forehead against the keyboard until the room swam around me and the lights went out.
Now I know what you're thinking, but I can assure you that I shan't be emulating the baying hordes who perpetually embark upon a negative “Sky Poker Is Rigged” tirade, but even so, surely this must somehow be the fault of Richard Orford? I say that because whilst watching last night's show, I swear that he was looking straight out of my telly box and staring at me with a knowing and impish grin. To be safe, I must remember to give him a Chinese burn if he goes to Manchester next Saturday.
Anyway, good luck all. I'll be flouncing off and taking two minutes away from Poker to sort my head out. I sure would appreciate it if loads of you could write impassioned pleas for me to get well soon and return to Sky quickly. I'm quite needy and high maintenance, and could really do with a 'virtual hug' right about now.
Comments
ps - reading shaven ravers with an armadillo on your lap is probably -ev
orford could not possibly have been impishly grinning at you as he was far to busy smugging about his open win and the glare from tikays blazer would have made seeing to lithuanian virtually impossible.
although the chinese burn may be a good idea just to be on the safe side, possibly with a n*pple twist or atomic wedgy (your choice obviously)to follow.
PS - Toilet Duck, nice choice. What year?
Always a funny read cheers mate!
Thank Flutnush.
Get youself your own blog soon. We all need a good laugh ocasionally.
You are a comedy genius man, get your name down for a blog!
Dave
I think your initial raise of your Lithuanian Farm was insufficient. At current land prices that equates to a raise of approx. 4s/6d. You would have had far more folding equity had you thrown Steve in as well. As for Mr Orfords winking at you I think you'll find he has a semi-permanent twitch due to over exposure to Burgundy (Bergandy, Bergendy etc: see earlier posts). However. I think your bad beat was sufficiently horrid to warrant some sympathy and a short stay in area51 should suffice. In order to receive multiple pleas to come back soon etc. you will need to suffer more than one badbeat.
hope this helps
lol at Flutnush ... a great post .. THANKS
( sniggers at Bad Boy finding out N*pple is on naughty list