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A conspiracy theorist's letter ( Joke of course!! )
this is a spoof not real!!!
Dear Sky,
I am writing to you as i am rather distressed about you site sky poker!. I keep losing my money and want an explanation to my plight. I am going to list a few examples to back my claim that your site is fixed!
1. I had 7 2 the other day and some cheeky speculator only had an A A and we both went all in, i could not believe my eyes the flop came down A Q 8, then the turn come down another A, then the river card came down and it was a 2. What is this all about???
2. Disgusted by the bad beat with 2 7, i thought i'd go an play sky's Las vegas and have a punt on roulette. I kept putting all my money on number 134 and it never came in once! not once!
3. So i think about having a bet on the horses using sky bet, i bet on the tip of the day and the horse loses. I find out the horse i backed as recommended by sky was a 3 legged rocking horse!
4. I went onto the sky bingo site to watch a game. To my horror even as a spectator i still didn't win!!
So as you can see, i am rather upset by all of this. I am in need of counseling for all of this distress caused by you and they way everything is fixed at sky poker! I even felt so bad about my bad beats that i phoned the samaratian's guess what ... they put the phone down on me! Is no one really interested in my point of view ?
Yours Faithfully
Mr I always lose because it's fixed!
666 bad beat ave,
unlucky town
never winshire
Sky's response,
Dear Mr I always lose because it's fixed,
We are very sorry to hear of your troubles. However, we would like to point out that to play the above games not only needs luck but also SKILL!. We would also like to point out, as you are not a regular poster on the forum you will not win as much, as we tend to favour these people more 
.While we sympathize with you & your 7 2 hand in poker and that was just a slight mis-calculation call on your part, We plan to help you out with the following; For your information 7 2 is regarded as the worst hand in poker and the odds are not so good. As a gesture of good will and to show there are no hard feelings, We have sent you an idiots guide called poker for dummies so perhaps you can improve your game.
.While we sympathize with you & your 7 2 hand in poker and that was just a slight mis-calculation call on your part, We plan to help you out with the following; For your information 7 2 is regarded as the worst hand in poker and the odds are not so good. As a gesture of good will and to show there are no hard feelings, We have sent you an idiots guide called poker for dummies so perhaps you can improve your game. Regarding your bet on the roulette game, We would like to inform you that there are only 36 numbers on a roulette wheel and your bet on number 134 was never going to win! Again we apologize for not having a bigger roulette wheel to accommodate your needs. We do understand that 134 is your favourite number and can only apologize further that this number does not feature. As a gesture of good will we have sent you a little roulette wheel key ring to help avoid any further confusion
Regarding your bet on the three legged rocking horse, well this a new one on us as they usually romp home at least 10 lengths clear of the field. We have noted that your bet on the three legged rocking horse was placed on April the 1st! As you will be aware this is April fool's day and it was just a bit of a giggle, However, having said that as this has caused you so much distress we are going to send you a picture of red rum and a £5 bet on any race that red rum features in, in the future! we have also sent you a calendar so you can clearly mark April the 1st as April fools day and avoid further betting on this day!
With regards to the bingo, We again can only apologize for this outrage as we have many people that just sit and watch games without participating and win not only on a regular basis, but also win very big. Just last month a viewer was watching a game of bingo and won the national prize of £555,000, Because of his surprise & joy at his win he gave it all back to the sky poker team and told us to have a good xmas party on it! yes every penny! all £555,000! With this we at sky poker are having a week in vegas and are just going to gamble it all away recklessly.
As a gesture of good will for all your troubles, we would like to invite you to come to vegas with us on our xmas do and be our bag boy! also you will need to help Tikay and rich " THE CHAMP " orford out carrying their winning's around for them. As we are a bit strapped for cash we will book you in on Easyjet for your flight over, As our business class flight on American airlines is now full. Also we will book you in at a holiday inn just at the end of the vegas strip as all the villas & penthouse's at the bellagio are now fully reserved for the sky poker team 
We hope this goes to some way answering your comments regarding sky poker being fixed! We do look forward to taking more money off you in the future, as you have now been singled out for special treatment
Yours faithfully
The Sky Poker team
P.S. Look for our new special range of bets coming up soon! this one is special - Ken v Barbie in a cage fight which will be a special presentation on Sky Box Office!
7/1 ken takes barbie's head off
14/1 barbie takes ken's head off
Evens that will both lose an arm or a leg
Our personal favourite 150/1 barbie gets her hair died before the fight and comes into the ring as a redhead!!!
HAPPY GAMBLING
This is a spoof not real!!!
Comments
Time to come out of the closet Marge!
Dear Margatemaf
I think its extremely bad form that you have published my private correspondence with Sky on an open forum. I just hope that others don't see your post and expect Sky to give them the same generous gifts that that have to myself.
I STILL think that 7 2 offsuit is an excellent hand to go all in with, and as to why they can't increase the numbers on the roulette wheel to accomodate my favourite of 134 is WAY beyond me.
For your information I still have the £5 free bet in my account as it appears Red Rum hasn't run for a while, but I await his return with the start of the new flat season which my sources tell me starts in 2011.
Yours sincerely
Mr I always lose because it's fixed!
Elsadog_________________
consultant trickcyclist - area51
Nurse !!!!