A Man's Guide To Female English

margatemaf

We need to talk = I need to complain 

Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to 

I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important 

We need = I want 

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now 

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later 

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron! 

You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot 

You're certainly attentive tonight = Is s e x all you ever think about? 

I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I've got my period 

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs 

I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper..... 

I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white 

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there! 

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep 

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive 

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like 

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV 

Is my bum fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful 

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me 

Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.] 

Yes = No 

No = No 

Maybe = No 

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry 

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house 

Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it 

Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

Mr_Miyagi

If only my first husband had read this.