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Why are company cars so popular?
The reason seems to be that they have special features not found in private automobiles.
1. They travel faster in all gears, especially reverse.
2. They accelerate at a phenomenal rate.
3. They have a much shorter braking distance.
4. They have a much tighter turning radius.
5. They can go over bumps at twice the speed of private cars.
6. Oil and tires pressures and battery and water levels do not need to be checked nearly so often.
7. The floor is shaped just like an ashtray.
8. They only burn the highest price gas.
9. They do not have to be garaged at night.
10. They can be driven up to 100 miles with the oil warning light on.
11. They need cleaning less often, especially inside.
12. The suspension is reinforced to enable concrete slabs, heavy building materials, and furniture to be carried.
13. They have been specially modified to allow reverse to be engaged while the car is still moving forward.
14. The tire walls are designed for bumping into and over curbs.
15. Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated by the adjustment of the radio volume control.
16. No security is needed. They may be left anywhere, unlocked, with the keys in the ignition.
17. The wiper blades are equipped with a magnetic device which attracts parking tickets. These tickets are great for cleaning windows, wiping up grease or oil spots, and stuffing holes in the upholstery.
18. Even minor mechanical repairs take at least a week to fix, making it necessary to rent a car - usually a Porsche 928S.
19. They are programmed to self-destruct a 60,000 miles, which ensures that the driver will have a new car every 2 years.
2. They accelerate at a phenomenal rate.
3. They have a much shorter braking distance.
4. They have a much tighter turning radius.
5. They can go over bumps at twice the speed of private cars.
6. Oil and tires pressures and battery and water levels do not need to be checked nearly so often.
7. The floor is shaped just like an ashtray.
8. They only burn the highest price gas.
9. They do not have to be garaged at night.
10. They can be driven up to 100 miles with the oil warning light on.
11. They need cleaning less often, especially inside.
12. The suspension is reinforced to enable concrete slabs, heavy building materials, and furniture to be carried.
13. They have been specially modified to allow reverse to be engaged while the car is still moving forward.
14. The tire walls are designed for bumping into and over curbs.
15. Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated by the adjustment of the radio volume control.
16. No security is needed. They may be left anywhere, unlocked, with the keys in the ignition.
17. The wiper blades are equipped with a magnetic device which attracts parking tickets. These tickets are great for cleaning windows, wiping up grease or oil spots, and stuffing holes in the upholstery.
18. Even minor mechanical repairs take at least a week to fix, making it necessary to rent a car - usually a Porsche 928S.
19. They are programmed to self-destruct a 60,000 miles, which ensures that the driver will have a new car every 2 years.
Comments
He managed to drive to barnsley and back (195 mile round trip) in just over 2 hours and he refuses to change gear until the car screams at him.
He had a ford Ka as a courtesy car once when his car was in for repair after some one hit it when it was parked outside a customers house.
He managed 109 out of it on the M54. He was overtaking BMW's as if they were still. The handbook only states a top speed on about 95!
And trust me, the 0-60 on a ford focus is supposed to be 13 seconds but hubby just see's this as a challenge and he really doesn't believe speed bumps exist.
He only gets about 13 to the gallon as well.
Surprisingly, he has never had an accident and has only been caught speeding once in 15 years.
Glad he livrs no where near you as he scares the c rap out of learners and if anyone in front of him is not going 10 miles over the speed limit, he goes mad.
He also uses the ETA on a sat nav as a game and doesn't really follow the route it tells him.
I have posted 2 blogs already, number 3 is just having it's fine tuning and should be ready early next week.
But unfortunately, all of the above is 100% true.
He also tells me reversing is for wimps, if he has to get into a space kerbside in between 2 parked cars, he just mounts the pavement to fit it in.
We had to buy a freelander earlier in the year, just so he can drive slower when the family are in the car.
Trust me, a freelander IS as slow as it looks. Even he can't get it past 95. 0-60 is about 4 minutes.
He hates it when someone is coming the other way as he approaches as he loves going over them the wrong way. It is about the only time he ever slows down so they can be gone before he reaches them.
thanks for understanding and keep the funny posts comming,
Rich
Couldn't you have just taken out the offending words. I cant remember everytthing I typed.!!!!
I really feel sorry for you with the way your hubby drives.
I am one of the considerate drivers that he must hate.
I never drive over the speed limit, I am always thinking about what the other driver might do, an does do most of the time.
I have avoided have any accidents by driving this way and wish all drivers where like me.
Inconsiderate drivers cause accidents and they are a couple of miles down the road without realising what mayhem they have caused behind them.
Bad driving by anyone is not something to boast about.
I apologise if I am coming on strong with this message but it is how I feel.
thanks
Rich
He really is that bad at driving, although a lot of it here is me exaggerating the truth a little. (not much, but a little)
He drives about 50k miles per year, most of it off peak and motorways.
He only really puts his foot down on the motorways and this is usually at night.
He has never been guilty of cutting people up, dangerous overtaking or any sort of road rage.
In spite of his driving, he worked in motor insurance for over 20 years prior to his current job, and seen claims that would make your hair curl so in all fairness, he is careful but a little too fast and does refuse to reverse anywhere.
The bits about the sat nav being a game are also very true. But he thinks he know's better.
Surprisingly, he is exactly the opposite to this in own car. Must be because he can torture the company car.
They offered to sell it to him when the lease expired...
He politely refused. I pity the guy that did end up buying it.
That for understanding Hale.
One of my pet hates is bad drivers. Sorry if I got a bit heavy.
Only joking.
Being a driving instructer has got to be on of the most stressful jobs there is and I applaud you for it.
Never got round to part 3.
I think his time limit is well up now and that was 3 grand up the swanny.