A few bar jokes

margatemaf

  After a heavy night of drinking at the local bar, a drunk stumbles into a Catholic church and slowly makes his way into the confessional booth. There, the priest patiently awaits the man to begin his confession.After a few minutes of silence, the priest politely taps on the window... nothing. The priest taps again and this time clears his throat a bit... still nothing. At this point the priest begins to lose his patience and bangs on the window.Finally the dunk yells out... "Ain't no use knocking, there ain't no paper over here either!"   Two ropes walk in to a bar, one rope calls the bartender and says "Barkeep, let me get a couple of beers." The bartender says "I'm sorry we dont serve ropes in here."Frustrated the ropes walk out and, since this was the only bar in town, they thought about it a little while when finally one rope says "I've got an idea." So he gets him self into a bind and frizzles his ends and walks back into the bar and says "Barkeep, can I get a couple of beers."The barkeep says "Sure, but aren't you those same two ropes that came in here earlier?" The rope answers "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."   A young sailor was sitting in a bar having a few drinks when he looks over and sees a pirate. The pirate has a wooden peg-leg, a hook for a hand, and patch over his eye. Unable to resist, the sailor asks "How'd you end up with a peg-leg?""I was swept overboard during a fierce storm," says the pirate. "and a bloody shark bit off me whole darn leg!""Holy cow!" said the sailor. "What about the hook, how'd you get that?""Me crew and I were boarding an enemy ship, a fierce sword battle ensued. One of them cut me darn arm!""Absolutely incredible!" gasped the sailor. "And the eye patch, tell me how you got that?""A bloody seagull dropping fell into me eye," replied the pirate."Umm, you lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" asked the sailor, admonished.Embarassed, the pirate answered "It was me first day with the hook."     

Buistyboy

Hi margatemaf

A couple of weaker efforts there, by your usual standards, but you more than make up for it with the third.  A welcome return to form lol

margatemaf

Cheers ray lol, they were a bit dodgy i must admit ;0) will try harder sir in future, just keep your feedback coming buddy

DAVEYZZ

whats the difference between a dog and a fox?....

about 5 pints!!

IRISHROVER

In Response to A few bar jokes:

    After a heavy night of drinking at the local bar, a drunk stumbles into a Catholic church and slowly makes his way into the confessional booth. There, the priest patiently awaits the man to begin his confession. After a few minutes of silence, the priest politely taps on the window... nothing. The priest taps again and this time clears his throat a bit... still nothing. At this point the priest begins to lose his patience and bangs on the window. Finally the dunk yells out... "Ain't no use knocking, there ain't no paper over here either!"       Two ropes walk in to a bar, one rope calls the bartender and says "Barkeep, let me get a couple of beers." The bartender says "I'm sorry we dont serve ropes in here." Frustrated the ropes walk out and, since this was the only bar in town, they thought about it a little while when finally one rope says "I've got an idea." So he gets him self into a bind and frizzles his ends and walks back into the bar and says "Barkeep, can I get a couple of beers." The barkeep says "Sure, but aren't you those same two ropes that came in here earlier?" The rope answers "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."       A young sailor was sitting in a bar having a few drinks when he looks over and sees a pirate. The pirate has a wooden peg-leg, a hook for a hand, and patch over his eye. Unable to resist, the sailor asks "How'd you end up with a peg-leg?" "I was swept overboard during a fierce storm," says the pirate. "and a bloody shark bit off me whole darn leg!" "Holy cow!" said the sailor. "What about the hook, how'd you get that?" "Me crew and I were boarding an enemy ship, a fierce sword battle ensued. One of them cut me darn arm!" "Absolutely incredible!" gasped the sailor. "And the eye patch, tell me how you got that?" "A bloody seagull dropping fell into me eye," replied the pirate. "Umm, you lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" asked the sailor, admonished. Embarassed, the pirate answered "It was me first day with the hook."          
Posted by margatemaf

ohhhh just loveeee that pirate one

scrumdown

lol  margatmaf  the sailor  ones  a  cracker