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Team Variance
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF SLY SKY POKER ……..
>you look at the HU cash lobby, 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 1/2 2/2 (The 2/2 is IDCU vs His Mum, nothing to see here... All legit)
>you win a seat into the main but get entered into a £1.10 Omaha RB Frenzy by mistake and get told "Unlucky, but it was your end"?
>CenaChav kills you?>you wanna play the same 200 seater at the same time every night against the same players who play all the time and you realise it's been moved cos "it's needs refreshing" and when you ask you're told "no-one else complained">you join the Hitsquad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>you marry IDCU's mum but split up soon after.... "There were too many other accounts getting involved in our relationship".
>you marry IDCU's dog? (Top BH player
>You send a pm to a mod asking why you never got your £4.10 C4P and you get banned for harrassment>You ask on the forum when your C4P will be paid and you get ridiculed for not reading the post that went up 16 months previous with the wrong dates>you tweet a humorous ditty and lawyers are at your door before it can be retweeted
>you realise that Sky isn't the only poker site in the entire world?>You beat yourself to death with CenaChav's razor when you realise ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^>you figure out how much rake you need to pay to get Priority?
>You get offered a seat on a little watched TV channel and you sit and waffle made up words like Hutpup, Hitwife and fookmepink>you want to be in the all new Team Sky Poker, then you realise you have top play a min of 22hrs a day, 6 days a week.>and all day on your day off
>you get on the show and get sat next to a giant runny nose .
/>and my favourite 250 films are..........................
>CenaChav eats the nose, the studio is evacuated.
>Shatagain makes a movie from the action and it reached no 249 in his all time favourites, just ahead of lassie
>you hear how James Hartigan says "Tuuuurrrnnnaaaments". You kill yourself.>with a hair from Cenachav's beard
>you realise how sad it must be for Richard Orford to be flushing a career down the toilet by being on that pile of poo?
>CenaChav eats Orford..... AND the pile of poo?
/>you then notice how he has re-instigated his previous career of awful quiz shows on the Challenge network as anything after 861 would be seen as a career enhancement
>You mortally wound yourself by trying to headbutt Hartigans face on your TV screen?
>Cenachav stretches through your screen and eats your wounded face
>you notice Anna Fowler leaves 861 to concentrate on her new lead role in the remake of "Champion, the wonder horse"
>you feature in an episode of Sit and Dohhhhhh?
/>Anna Fowler walks into bar?
>and the barman says.......
>Weren't you in Champion The Wonder Horse?
>Sarah Champion, the wonder horse??
>no, she's in Neighbours.
>ahhhhh
>thought that was Bouncer
>No, CenaChav ate Bouncer....... And Joe Mangle. >pmsl
>^ Any of these right? Did I win?
> But apart from all that????
>you download the software and it corrupts your PC you waste your entire BR getting it fixed?
/>You realise that it's your pc that has the problem as the software is the best available in 1974
>you go to an SPT and get sat next to CenaChav?
>and the Hitman drops his trousers to show you his new pink boxers and realises he never put them on
>your PC posts in the forum regarding its virus and is ridiculed by forum regs. (TK says "You think you have it bad, you should see my Inbox)
>Hitman bends over and shows you HIS inbox
>IDCU's mum marries TKs Inbox and have a baby.... *New Account is valid.
> Hitman is charged with jimmy saville with animals style, Hitpup is taken into protective custody.
> Hitman starts new team "Hitboxes" where all players have to play bent over and showing their backside, RYRY is made honorary member
>TK says to Hitpup "You think you have it bad, you should see my Inbox"
>and RYRY pops up and says "I have"
/>CenaChav eats RYRY (Two sittings)
> Richard Orford claims political asylum in Cenachavs beard>Budgirl and lorraine named as first conjoined twins to play on Sky?
>And are immediately banned for dual accounting
>Orford gives a statement on the roof of CenaChavs beard blaming mental torture. He too struggled with How Hartigan said "Tuuuurrrrrnaments" and he also says Grease 2 should have been in the Top 10.
>IDCU announces engagement to Bud/lorraine. *3 New accounts are valid.
>Tikay is asked to comment on Orford's political position and says "you should see my inbox!"
>Shatagain asks IDCU if he can film the wedding, a wedding account is opened
> Macapaca says he knows Richard wil be safe 10000000% cert..... Cenachav shaves beard
>Hitpup reconciles with Hitman. He is quoted as saying "Woof, Having seen TKs Inbox, I've realised how good I had it".
>Tikay stops all correspondence with Hitpup stating no reason whatsoever
>Maccapacca backs Anna Fowler to win the best female actress Oscar for her role in "Champion The Wonder Horse".
>DTD forum bans all talk of dogs
/>statement released states "Until there is proof that the dog actually talks, we will have no mention of it on here, this is a fun place for poker players on a Monday night"
>Hitpup kills himself.
>Hartigan moves "All Dogs Go To Heaven" into Top 3 out of respect.
> Cenachav eats the remains
>RV renames his team to "Dogshit" as a lasting memorial
> IDCU marries Hitpups collar. *New account valid
>KidGrimsby admits to "Liking Banter">TK says "You should see my Imbox"
> Keysasoze disassociates himself with Quentin Tarantino claiming its just a coincidence
>SPT tv crew are set with ultimate challenge for "My name is?" Find someone with a personality!!
>Quentin Tarantino sees TKs Inbox and writes Pulp Fiction 2.
>RosPinks favourite colour changes after seeing TKs Inbox.
>RY RY asks quentin if he needs a new Mr Pink. Fight breaks out between RY RY and Hitman
> Ladies cloakroom at DTD is renamed the "Jamielou"
>Shock as someone who has been in a "My Name Is..." Is seen actually playing on Sky.
>CenaChav eats Jamielous Ladies Cloakroom.... But spits it out.
>Anna Fowler doesn't get nominated for any awards. Macapaca is distraught
>Macca is consoled in the fact that 50% of his loss is Dave Diamonds.
> Immediately puts his house on Aston Villa to win Eurovision Song Contest "cos the odds are so good"
>Dave Diamond sees TKs Inbox and Macca is forgiven.
> Dave Diamond changes his name to Dave Carbon due to recession
>A player in Diamond makes a profit.
/>Kid Grimsby says "I never really, it was just banter"
>Tikay signs him for Team Sky admitting "he is the only player we wanted, what's your name, son?"
>CenaChav eats Kid Grimsbys Banter. Kid cries.
> Bearlyther changes his name to Grizzlybear and attacks Cenachav
>Julian Thew is revealed as a long term friend of TKs who only jot that job because of TKs grip on Sky even though many other bigger names pros have shown an interest.
>RosPink changes name to RosPuse
>Solack joins a 30p dym to prove he should be in the big league
>RosPuse changes name to Solack
/>TK says "you should see my inbox"
>Solack files for divorce on grounds of Cenachavs beard has been unfairly removed
>100000000/1 underdogs Aston Villa win Eurovision Song Contest. Macca sits down at $500/$1000 on FullTilt.
>CenaChavs beard is spotted in TKs Inbox.
>and posts a self congratulatory thread in DTD which is deleted for mentioning Hitman's new dog
>Richard Orford leaves beard to attend Hitpups funeral. He is kidnapped by TK and made to listen to a cd of Hartigan repeatedly saying "Tuuuurrnament"
>Ransom immediately makes shitagain top10
>Lambert replies 1st
>Saying IMHO you went all in too early with the burial, maybe killing the dog was a sign that there was no comeback possible and the all in was too much. I would have favoured a triple range merge
>But I'll wait for D'ohhh to comment before agreeing with him
> IDCU marries the gravedigger and opens accounts for everyone in the graveyard
>D' ohhhhh agrees via 4 way video chat with Lambert, YoungGun and Delaney. He totally ignores the tables in view on their screen. (All 4 are in a 6 max SnG together) ***** Coincidence no 10987683
> Delaney tweets a derogatory message regarding everyone except Man Utd
>Tikay says ‘’you should see my inbox’’
> IDCU marries coincidence no 10987683 and as a result technically owns 78% of all hotmail.co.uk email addresses.
>Police Raid IDCU's house as 8 million people are registered at that address
> Tikay says ‘’you should see my inbox’’
>Aston Villa is stripped of Eurovision win after TK has a "Word in their ear". Macca is spotted in a 30p DYM, Dave Carbon is found on CenaChavs door step covered in peanut butter .
> Kid Grimsby " I love banter"
>Kid Grimsby is stripped of Banter>RosPink is stripped of 2 primary colours. TK says " Don't worry, you should see my Inbox".
>Anna Fowler, devastated after not being nominated, sends letters out to all players she gave sweets to at a recent SPT event, saying do you wanna see my inbox
>Anna Fowlers Inbox walks into a bar..........
>and the barman says?
>Did you see Villa got stripped of the Song Contest win!! Some wally told me to back them and now I've lost my F******* house!
>Andrew1947 admits he's only 23 and is playing under an ALIAS
>Andrew 1947 to star in "Before and After" slim fast ad with Dolly.
>CenaChav refuses Slimfast
>Cenachav's beard applies for political asylum on Lee Hunter's head
>George La Rodis offered role as Omaha Analyist on Sky Tv but fails screen test as he can say "Tuuuuurnaments" properly. Job given to random man with peg on his nose.
> RY RY says "I thought I had a sniff at that".
>Julian Thew goes all in in first hand of WSOP with 27o and when interviewed afterwards says "I forgot it wasn't SKY"
>Anonymous man puts £10,000 on Aston Villa to win WSOP.
>Cash for Gold report a huge jump in pre tax profits in the Midlands area>IDCU asks for Julian Thew’s 27o hand in marriage. The 27o turns them down. *New Account not valid
>Another 30,000 accounts found under the bed in IDCU's sister's rabbit's hutch
>CenaChav eats rabbit..... And Hutch.>Starsky was not impressed
>TK says "You're not impressed, you should see my Inbox". Starsky declines the offer.
>Tikay heaves a sigh of relief as the last thing he needs is the police going through his inbox
>Railtard1 is arrested by Starsky on suspicion of making Tikay look a fool
>Tikay seeks revenge and vows to tell anyone that looks like a Tard to "Shut up".
> Railtard is released as Det Insp Lee Harrison states "the man is a fool"
>Kid Grimsby CAN believe its not butter, he knew it was banter.
> IDCU wants to marry banter cos it's more popular than him>*New account made
>NUMBERS ARE UP !!!!!!!!