Chatbox humour

Tikay10

We do see some get a bit uppity in the Chatbox, but we see some comedic gems, too, so if you have any examples, stick them on here please, to cheer up a dull November weekend.

Tikay10

I had a genuine new keyboard moment last night. I was at home, on my own, & just burst out into uncontrollable laughter at this one.

A geezer makes one of the oddest & most incomprehensible plays you have ever seen. I mean, it was inexplicable, simply astonishing.
 
And, inevitably & needlessly, he goes busto, & is out. 

Up pops Macac in the chat box with this gem;

I blame the E-numbers.  

Tikay10

We had a new player last night, (his first ever game on Sky Poker) & so we chit chatted to help make him feel welcome, & he responded in kind.
 
He was very agro indeed, & I noted he was from Glasgow, so wrote "don't mess with the Glasgow boys".

Macac wrote.....

The problem with Glasgow lads is you never know if they are saying hello or challenging you to a fight 

TeddyBloat

on stars the other night

a player said "tearing off tights with your teeth"

now you get all kinds of randoms on spin and gos so i ignored him except he was now typing "?????" and 'well?'

i asked him what the hell he was on about and he said, 'your avatar is faithless'

i have avatars switched off, so didnt immediately catch on, but my avatar is of the jazz trumpeter miles davis - a black man. the lead man in faithless is also black

kinda sorted the wierdness out for me.

----

a nice exchange at the HUSNG tables - how to troll the trolls - kill them with kindness:

i disconnect and am lagging v this guy and he is doing his nut as i was taking so long [on stars when you disconnect you get an extended timebank] ...

jklang1 u cant play fasteR?
tommyborstal SLOW CONNECTION SORRY

he then says

jklang1 all in

and then calls a 3bt shove with 54s

i lag again:

jklang1  dear god
jklang1  u so slow
tommyborstal  SORRY

i win that game, next game opens with:

jklang1  dont be slow this time

i disconnect...

jklang1  oh god
tommyborstal  buy me a new laptop then
jklang1  buy one for your pokermoney

the game ends when he minr / calls 78s @ 22bb

next game he starts giving some BOSS strat advice

i flat Q6 off, check call on AQ4r, Q turn, i call his barrel and jam river, he calls with AJ.

he goes MENTAL:

jklang1  omg
jklang1  OMFG
jklang1  HAHAHAHAHA
jklang1  fkn idiot 
jklang1  u got a stack of 190 the flop is listen here AQ4
jklang1  i bet 40 of your 190
jklang1  and u only call:S:SS?
tommyborstal  ul brah
jklang1  NO YOU ARE THE STUPID
jklang1  how can u be so fkn re tarded dont understand
tommyborstal  hehe teach me bro
jklang1  i really hope u die in cancer
jklang1  u deserve it
tommyborstal  ty man

i shove J5o for 5bb, he slowrolls me in chat. more strat advice:

jklang1  should i fold A K? 
jklang1  j 5 nice hand

i calll QTo for 9bb:

jklang1  nice call idiot

i shove J9s @ 11bb and get looked up by ATo. J9x flop - lovely stuff. a couple of NASH calls under 6bb and gg

jklang1  omfg  
jklang1  dear god
tommyborstal  wow you are vvv unlucky man
jklang1  u know u suck
jklang1  no im obv lucky
jklang1  9 J is so much better then A 10....
jklang1  good calls

we go into our last game...

jklang1  u didnt deserve to win
tommyborstal  hope you win this one
tommyborstal  only fair
jklang1  so i hope karma gets you with cancer
tommyborstal  ty gl

he is steaming and then the following hand happens:

Seat 1: jklang1 (470 in chips)
Seat 2: tommyborstal (530 in chips)
tommyborstal: posts small blind 10
jklang1: posts big blind 20
 HOLE CARDS
Dealt to tommyborstal [Kh 2d]
tommyborstal: calls 10
jklang1: raises 20 to 40
tommyborstal: calls 20
 FLOP  [3c 7d Ah]
jklang1: bets 40
tommyborstal: calls 40
 TURN  [3c 7d Ah] [Ad]
jklang1: bets 80
tommyborstal: calls 80
 RIVER  [3c 7d Ah Ad] [Td]
jklang1: bets 160
tommyborstal: calls 160
 SHOW DOWN
jklang1: shows [Qs 8s] (a pair of Aces)
tommyborstal: shows [Kh 2d] (a pair of Aces - King kicker)
tommyborstal collected 640 from pot

jklang1  omg
jklang1  WHAT ARE YOU DOING
tommyborstal  misclick, sorry
tommyborstal  thought i had pocket tens
jklang1  omfg

declines....

Jac35

^^^^

Miss you on here Teddy

paige55

Miss paige has missed you my Teddy xxx

Darkangel7

I drop some right clangers. But there's a few of us that bounce off one another. Usually sat playing with tears streaming down my face. Some of satty's have been funny. Depends who you get on the tables though.

ajs4385

**** Thunderous applause ****

LmfaoAllin

Brilliant Teddy!

Tikay10

In Response to Re: Chatbox humour:

on stars the other night a player said "tearing off tights with your teeth" now you get all kinds of randoms on spin and gos so i ignored him except he was now typing "?????" and 'well?' i asked him what the hell he was on about and he said, 'your avatar is faithless' i have avatars switched off, so didnt immediately catch on, but my avatar is of the jazz trumpeter miles davis - a black man. the lead man in faithless is also black kinda sorted the wierdness out for me. ---- a nice exchange at the HUSNG tables - how to troll the trolls - kill them with kindness: i disconnect and am lagging v this guy and he is doing his nut as i was taking so long [on stars when you disconnect you get an extended timebank] ... jklang1 u cant play fasteR? tommyborstal SLOW CONNECTION SORRY he then says jklang1 all in and then calls a 3bt shove with 54s i lag again: jklang1  dear god jklang1  u so slow tommyborstal  SORRY i win that game, next game opens with: jklang1  dont be slow this time i disconnect... jklang1  oh god tommyborstal  buy me a new laptop then jklang1  buy one for your pokermoney the game ends when he minr / calls 78s @ 22bb next game he starts giving some BOSS strat advice i flat Q6 off, check call on AQ4r, Q turn, i call his barrel and jam river, he calls with AJ. he goes MENTAL: jklang1  omg jklang1  OMFG jklang1  HAHAHAHAHA jklang1  fkn idiot  jklang1  u got a stack of 190 the flop is listen here AQ4 jklang1  i bet 40 of your 190 jklang1  and u only call:S:SS? tommyborstal  ul brah jklang1  NO YOU ARE THE STUPID jklang1  how can u be so fkn re tarded dont understand tommyborstal  hehe teach me bro jklang1  i really hope u die in cancer jklang1  u deserve it tommyborstal  ty man i shove J5o for 5bb, he slowrolls me in chat. more strat advice: jklang1  should i fold A K?  jklang1  j 5 nice hand i calll QTo for 9bb: jklang1  nice call idiot i shove J9s @ 11bb and get looked up by ATo. J9x flop - lovely stuff. a couple of NASH calls under 6bb and gg jklang1  omfg   jklang1  dear god tommyborstal  wow you are vvv unlucky man jklang1  u know u suck jklang1  no im obv lucky jklang1  9 J is so much better then A 10.... jklang1  good calls we go into our last game... jklang1  u didnt deserve to win tommyborstal  hope you win this one tommyborstal  only fair jklang1  so i hope karma gets you with cancer tommyborstal  ty gl he is steaming and then the following hand happens: Seat 1: jklang1 (470 in chips) Seat 2: tommyborstal (530 in chips) tommyborstal: posts small blind 10 jklang1: posts big blind 20  HOLE CARDS Dealt to tommyborstal [Kh 2d] tommyborstal: calls 10 jklang1: raises 20 to 40 tommyborstal: calls 20  FLOP  [3c 7d Ah] jklang1: bets 40 tommyborstal: calls 40  TURN  [3c 7d Ah] [Ad] jklang1: bets 80 tommyborstal: calls 80  RIVER  [3c 7d Ah Ad] [Td] jklang1: bets 160 tommyborstal: calls 160  SHOW DOWN jklang1: shows [Qs 8s] (a pair of Aces) tommyborstal: shows [Kh 2d] (a pair of Aces - King kicker) tommyborstal collected 640 from pot jklang1  omg jklang1  WHAT ARE YOU DOING tommyborstal  misclick, sorry tommyborstal  thought i had pocket tens jklang1  omfg declines....
Posted by TeddyBloat

Don't want to derail the thread, but that one Post reminds me why I' don't miss playing on 'Stars.

They allow - almost encourage by omission - that sort of talk?

"Hope you get cancer"?

"retarded".

"Retarded", in this supposedly enlightened day an age, is an acceptable insult?

To quote someone I respect greatly who wrote this on November 3rd......

if you cant feel some sense of sadness about that then i'd argue you dont love poker.

 

TeddyBloat

It's the murky side of poker innit.

The guy has punted 3.5k on stars and acts like that. Doesn't look like he enjoys the game, so is re-matching, winding up and ultimately taking money off what looks like someone with a gambling problem a 'moral' issue? If it is who comes out worse, me or him? I don't know the answers, and prefer not to raise the questions being honest.

Maybe he is just an ****, in which case I don't feel at all conflicted about enjoying my interactions with him.

That sort of stuff is toxic for games though, I have no idea why stars isn't more proactive. I imagine they rely on players reporting abuse. 

Tikay10

In Response to Re: Chatbox humour:

It's a the murky side of poker innit. The guy has punted 3.5k on stars and acts like that. Doesn't look like he enjoys the game, so is re-matching, winding up and ultimately taking money off what looks like someone with a gambling problem a 'moral' issue? If it is who comes out worse, me or him? I don't know the answers, and prefer not to raise the questions being honest. Maybe he is just an ****, in which case I don't feel at all conflicted about enjoying my interactions with him. That sort of stuff is toxic for games though, I have no idea why stars isn't more proactive. I imagine they rely on players reporting abuse. 
Posted by TeddyBloat

Exactly that.
 
'Stars, the so-called "standard bearer" of poker, really should take the lead in discouraging this sort of thing.

Anyway, lets get back to fun chatbox stuff.

Carry on, as you were.  

Tikay10

Kid came on about 11pm last night & promptly wrote "god mroning all"

A regular, who evidently knows him, asks him if, just maybe, he has had a drink or two.

He replies "I dnot thnik I hvea hd a drink"

Moments later, he donks the lot off with poox4.
 
Night mate.

Bet he feels rough this morning.

weecheez1

In Response to Re: Chatbox humour:

Kid came on about 11pm last night & promptly wrote "god mroning all " A regular, who evidently knows him, asks him if, just maybe, he has had a drink or two. He replies " I dnot thnik I hvea hd a drink" Moments later, he donks the lot off with poox4.   Night mate. Bet he feels rough this morning.
Posted by Tikay10

Love it but I think laptops and tablets should be fitted with breathalysers over the limit sir it's time for bed

Tikay10

In Response to Re: Chatbox humour:

In Response to Re: Chatbox humour : Love it but I think laptops and tablets should be fitted with breathalysers over the limit sir it's time for bed
Posted by weecheez1

Ha, I agree. I'm convinced excessive alcohol & poker are a bad mix.

MrWh1te

In Response to Re: Chatbox humour:

In Response to Re: Chatbox humour : Don't want to derail the thread, but that one Post reminds me why I' don't miss playing on 'Stars. They allow - almost encourage by omission - that sort of talk? "Hope you get cancer"? "retarded". "Retarded", in this supposedly enlightened day an age, is an acceptable insult? To quote someone I respect greatly who wrote this on November 3rd...... if you cant feel some sense of sadness about that then i'd argue you dont love poker.  
Posted by Tikay10

Sky does have a problem with this too, with some of the biggest names on the forum contributing.

The difference is, on stars it is more generic abuse.  But on Sky it is more targeted personally as less players mean lots of us know each other fairly well (I get called pedo and stuff on a fairly regular basis on sky that I don't even bother reporting it anymore.  It is one of the reasons this isn't my main site anymore, even though most of my profit is from here.

It most certainly isn't a problem just for the big sites.

Of course my problem is I cant help myself on sky and always end up standing up for the people being abused and that invariably leads to me being targeted instead but I now use that to my advantage.

The way I see it, we all pay our money and have the right to play any cards we want in anyway we want, without fear of ridicule and abuse.  I am fairly sure some of the people who give it out here wouldn't dare do it in real life and are quite sad individuals.

Sorry, back on topic!

Not exactly funny but when people are ranting about a bad player, I usually say something like 'it is ok, you will learn simple pot odds when you get better at poker' to the ranter, and then giggle stupidly to myself whilst their rants go into overdrive.  Then they try and teach me the game and what they say invariably tells me more about their skill level than anything  

HENDRIK62

Anon exchange I witnessed.....

crazy, how do u call there

easy theres a button with it written on

smart @rse donk

thanks i always liked the cut of these jeans too

MattBates

In Response to Re: Chatbox humour:

In Response to Re: Chatbox humour : Sky does have a problem with this too, with some of the biggest names on the forum contributing. The difference is, on stars it is more generic abuse.  But on Sky it is more targeted personally as less players mean lots of us know each other fairly well (I get called pedo and stuff on a fairly regular basis on sky that I don't even bother reporting it anymore.  It is one of the reasons this isn't my main site anymore, even though most of my profit is from here. It most certainly isn't a problem just for the big sites. Of course my problem is I cant help myself on sky and always end up standing up for the people being abused and that invariably leads to me being targeted instead but I now use that to my advantage. The way I see it, we all pay our money and have the right to play any cards we want in anyway we want, without fear of ridicule and abuse.  I am fairly sure some of the people who give it out here wouldn't dare do it in real life and are quite sad individuals. Sorry, back on topic! Not exactly funny but when people are ranting about a bad player, I usually say something like 'it is ok, you will learn simple pot odds when you get better at poker' to the ranter, and then giggle stupidly to myself whilst their rants go into overdrive.  Then they try and teach me the game and what they say invariably tells me more about their skill level than anything  
Posted by MrWh1te

Rather than vaguely name people why don't you report them to customer care?

If people rant at other players I normally try and step in but when multi tabling it is hard. Of the games I play the abuse is more often at the lower stake games I play.

MrWh1te

In Response to Re: Chatbox humour:

In Response to Re: Chatbox humour : Rather than vaguely name people why don't you report them to customer care? If people rant at other players I normally try and step in but when multi tabling it is hard. Of the games I play the abuse is more often at the lower stake games I play.
Posted by MattBates

They get reported. And yeah the worst is usually at lowest stakes in my experience.

I don't need to name names, everyone knows who I am talking about.

weecheez1

This thread has not got much humour in it now come on its Sunday relax and have a bit of fun 

rainman397

Good afternoon all.
My best response to someone threatening to come and kick the proverbial out of me, was to tell abuser to check his Mums sat nav if he would like to find me.
All the best.
Rainman397.
P.S HAS ANYONE MENTIONED THE  £2.20 @2.20 DEEPSTACK  YET.

MattBates

Not chatbox but to lighten the mood. Recently we bought glue from a new supplier. My dad received an e-mail asking "How did you find the glue?" My dad responded with I opened the box and it was in there. Some don't get my dads sense of humour but the sales rep loved the banter.

Phantom66

Or maybe the sales rep being a good sales rep thinks all clients' jokes are funny?

Story does remind me of the first time I had to produce my driver documents at the local police station. The desk officer asked me how I found the police officer who stopped me and issued the order. I replied and in no way trying to be funny "I didn't he found me".

Phantom66

Getting back to OP I have found myself laughing out loud at many a light hearted bit of banter on the tables. Especially pl08 dyms and november nine. Shame I cant remember any specifics. Next time i will cut and paste ready for this thread.

Rainmans invitation to Chris moorman to play in the 220 at 220 during a high roller FT is one moment I do remember though. 

TeddyBloat

In Response to Re: Chatbox humour:

Rainmans invitation to Chris moorman to play in the 220 at 220 during a high roller FT is one moment I do remember though. 
Posted by Phantom66

that's brilliant haha

HENDRIK62

I once had a young lad and his wife in my golf shop, looking to buy a stoking filler for his dads Christmas.

We had these trick exploding golf balls on the wall (when you hit them they explode into dust).

So convo goes;

hubby ''Why don't we get him one of these''

wife''what are they''

''trick balls, they blow up when you hit them''

''how big do they get?''

I had to go into my office.....

HENDRIK62

In Response to Re: Chatbox humour:

Getting back to OP I have found myself laughing out loud at many a light hearted bit of banter on the tables. Especially pl08 dyms and november nine. Shame I cant remember any specifics. Next time i will cut and paste ready for this thread. Rainmans invitation to Chris moorman to play in the 220 at 220 during a high roller FT is one moment I do remember though. 
Posted by Phantom66

I do remember a slightly shandied up Stuarty117 trolling all the high stakes HU regs and challenging them to a £1 HU lol lol lol

stuarty117

In Response to Re: Chatbox humour:

In Response to Re: Chatbox humour : I do remember a slightly shandied up Stuarty117 trolling all the high stakes HU regs and challenging them to a £1 HU lol lol lol
Posted by HENDRIK62

Hmmm this was funny especially when one of the big boys sitting at a 1000nl HU table said and i quote: -

"What the hell is a 1.05 HU PLO8 game"

GILLS69

In Response to Chatbox humour:

We do see some get a bit uppity in the Chatbox, but we see some comedic gems, too, so if you have any examples, stick them on here please, to cheer up a dull November weekend.
Posted by Tikay10

                              Hi,
                                   Was chatting with a guy from Swindon and he began having a friendly dig at my football team(Gillingham)as we're arch enemies on the footie pitch.Then another guy piped up by saying "Oh-Swindon!I spent a month there,one weekend!"i laughed so hard a bit of wee came out! lol
                                                                                             Jim

GILLS69

In Response to Re: Chatbox humour:

Good afternoon all. My best response to someone threatening to come and kick the proverbial out of me, was to tell abuser to check his Mums sat nav if he would like to find me. All the best. Rainman397. P.S HAS ANYONE MENTIONED THE  £2.20 @2.20 DEEPSTACK  YET.
Posted by rainman397

                                                   HI r-man,

                                                                  £2.20 @2.20 there you go m8)
lol
                                             p.s. im chat banned by you know who so don't take offence when I don't respond m8
                                                                                        Laters bud-Jim

GREGSTER

Bighitter: idiot

ToonMan: yes u r

23:33Bighitter: lol

Bighitter: 23o wp

Bighitter: and you wonder why your down 10 grand

Toonman: thouight it was more

The above chatbox conversation made me laugh, shame the 'bighitter' is one of the best players on the site. It was in the massive £2.20 speed rebuy though! Loved the comeback from Toonman. (Names have both been changed).