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THE NEW SHEDLOAD OF FUNNY THINGS -DIARY- CHAT- POKER

oynutteroynutter
edited May 2014 in Poker Chat
Another person I don't mind annoying is another person, it's quite funny, I annoyed a man on the phone this morning. completely by accident, but then I never before had to explain what a dingdong flaphead is in those few seconds we get before we are cut off for "using profanities"---- it's not easy, and you have to be very lucky to get the same flaphead when you call back to check how much you annoyed him!
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  • oynutteroynutter
    edited April 2014
     Many a few comparatively normal people, seem to have formed the opinion that something funny has gone missing from our forum pages. 

     I have had the brilliantly imaginative idea, of opening a thread/diary/poker/chat thread with some funny things in it !----- So in the future, when someone say's " there is nothing fun on the forum anymore", they can be instantly shot down in flames and patronized, (probably by the rock, or lambert180) and directed to this funny thread.

     So it follows that we all need to make this flopwit thread funny!-----please get funny, you can copy and paste funny things if you don't actually have anything funny in your trousers, or in your little book of things to say to girls in the pub----Come On, Get it out for the lads !!!


     No links please-- Sky poker do not want to lose you to stupid flopwit Youtube!!!------and I am not in the habit of annoying anybody at all, ever, except Orford obviously.---- and that american poker commentator that talks like the end of a bell-- dung!!!
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  • oynutteroynutter
    edited April 2014
    Could someone from Sky poker please take steps to ensure that Carlos Citrone dos'nt see this thread----- thank you------ He and his type are the last kind of people I would wish to annoy, a flaphead is usually easy to pacify after the annoying fact------- not so with a lemon head!


    ps---- is he an olive oil baron? ---- I am looking for a zesty salad dressing recipe-----thanks
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  • THEROCK573THEROCK573
    edited April 2014
    last time i checked this section is supposed to be for poker chat not comedy. my laughing and joking was done down the pub last night while you were sat on here replying to yourself. nobody was patronised or shot down either by the way. most of you're posts are just attention seeking drivel anyway that are about as funny as toothache so i have no idea why you would think anything that you write would gain some sort of amusement.
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  • oynutteroynutter
    edited April 2014
    In Response to Re: THE NEW SHEDLOAD OF FUNNY THINGS -DIARY- CHAT- POKER:
    last time i checked this section is supposed to be for poker chat not comedy. my laughing and joking was done down the pub last night while you were sat on here replying to yourself. nobody was patronised or shot down either by the way. most of you're posts are just attention seeking drivel anyway that are about as funny as toothache so i have no idea why you would think anything that you write would gain some sort of amusement.
    Posted by THEROCK573
     Now Mr Rock----if anyone has been annoyed by this thread, it is usually because they have been intentionally targeted and singled out in a cynical and disgusting attempt to poke fun at other people, thus deflecting attention away from my obvious inadequacies--- you flopwit!
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  • oynutteroynutter
    edited April 2014
     Today I will be mostly looking for something funnier than toothache, and using it to seek attention, thus boosting my life confidence and positively affecting my satisfaction with my performance at the table, regardless of results.
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  • oynutteroynutter
    edited April 2014
     How do you build up your confidence at the table?------ Some people think they are cleverer than their opponents, and this can help with confidence, but it is also very dangerous. I was quite clever once myself, and found it hard to keep grounded and refrain from jumping up and down and singing " ha ha ha, look at my laddie, I won, you lost, now who is the daddy"------ Little did I know at the time, I would soon not be the winner, and my song would fall on deaf ears, because I still had my headphones on ------ now I have a new song---- with a more respectful tone------ but the important thing is----- It is quite a lot better than no song!!
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  • Tikay10Tikay10
    edited April 2014


    Lol Mr Nutter, you are the greatest.

    Some days the chuntering on here means I struggle to even open the Forum & have a look, but there are always some folks who come here to share their enjoyment of life & poker, & you are one of them.
     
    Hope you & "me Julie" are both hale & hearty.  

    Was a great memory, that SPT Dublin jobbie.

     
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  • oynutteroynutter
    edited April 2014
     Hi Tikay!--- I am honoured to have your post----- I've been a bit sick for a few weeks, but fine again now---- flipping beta blockers slowing me down too much---- the old ticker was going flopwit mental before my op, now it is hard to regulate properly, especially when I get the flu--- sometimes my brain won't work and I can't play,------ concentration and endurance issues------ back on good form now-------- Dublin was brilliant fun!!---- would love to do that again. ----- could not believe how everyone got together for me to go-- forever indebted to you and all the forum,---- Me Julee is fine and dandy, but is yet to forgive me for not going to a family easter dinner--- no text yesterday--- lol--- better tidy up and make her a lovely meal--- Have you got any champagne left over from celebrating Orford going on holiday?
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  • rainman397rainman397
    edited April 2014
    Good morning  Mr Oynutter.
    Great idea for  a thread.
    Mikey mouse goes to see his lawyer, and hands him divorce papers.
    The lawyer reads them and says you cannot divorce Minnie because she has big teeth, and  Mickey replies no she is f*****g Goofy.

    Why do ducks have webbed feet?  To stamp out forest fires.
    Why do elephants have big feet? To stamp out burning ducks.
    All the best
    Rainman397
    p.s If you are available today it would be a pleasure and an honour to have someone of your stature in the £2.20 @2.20 DEEPSTACK.
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  • a00rocka00rock
    edited April 2014
    Sorry to hear you have been a little Rikity of late!

    They say laughter is good for you jees when I laughed at my boss while he was telling me off he sacked me WTFlipwat is up with him?
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  • oynutteroynutter
    edited April 2014
    In Response to Re: THE NEW SHEDLOAD OF FUNNY THINGS -DIARY- CHAT- POKER:
    Lol Mr Nutter, you are the greatest. Some days the chuntering on here means I struggle to even open the Forum & have a look, but there are always some folks who come here to share their enjoyment of life & poker, & you are one of them.   Hope you & "me Julie" are both hale & hearty.   Was a great memory, that SPT Dublin jobbie.  
    Posted by Tikay10
     It would be really nice to hear how you are too Tikay ---  be honest now--- no holding back---- I am a good listener and a good therapist------ Orford may be younger than you Tikay, but do we all want to know what is in his head--- NO------ because we know----- and greenhouse gasses are invisible anyway, so we would be none the wiser ---- Your well- being and thoughts are important to poker!---- Orford's are important to genetic research -- humanity must find a way to learn from it's mistakes. ----- so tell us how you are, and please tell us how to avoid the anti-intellectual effects of Orfords proximity --- Someone may one day have to suffer like you have Tikay, and any advice you can give them may well help them cope with the brain degenerative effects of similar colleagues at work.--- I know it's hard to believe Tikay, but Orford is not alone, and until we can find a way to educate them sufficiently for them to acquire an adequate sense of human responsibility, they will continue to breed and infect the gene pool----- please tell us how you cope----- thanks Tikay
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  • LARSON7LARSON7
    edited April 2014
    Hey Nutter,

    Good luck with the funnies thread!
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  • oynutteroynutter
    edited April 2014
    In Response to Re: THE NEW SHEDLOAD OF FUNNY THINGS -DIARY- CHAT- POKER:
    Good morning  Mr Oynutter. Great idea for  a thread. Mikey mouse goes to see his lawyer, and hands him divorce papers. The lawyer reads them and says you cannot divorce Minnie because she has big teeth, and  Mickey replies no she is f*****g Goofy. Why do ducks have webbed feet?  To stamp out forest fires. Why do elephants have big feet? To stamp out burning ducks. All the best Rainman397 p.s If you are available today it would be a pleasure and an honour to have someone of your stature in the £2.20 @2.20 DEEPSTACK.
    Posted by rainman397
     Lol----- please don't let anyone with larger than average teeth hear that one!---- and if such a person has already read it ------- do not worry about the size ot your teeth--- you are--(or will be) loved for your personality and general sexiness ---- I had terrible teeth--- now I have none--- I found love---- not at the dentists I admit, but there are better lovers than dentists-----I can tell you!!!
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  • oynutteroynutter
    edited April 2014
    In Response to Re: THE NEW SHEDLOAD OF FUNNY THINGS -DIARY- CHAT- POKER:
    Sorry to hear you have been a little Rikity of late! They say laughter is good for you jees when I laughed at my boss while he was telling me off he sacked me WTFlipwat is up with him?
    Posted by a00rock
     Cheers a00rock, loads better now ---- your boss has humiliation issues---- tell him these issues can be easily resolved by keeping two bags of ice cubes in his trouser pockets for half an hour, and then have a bunch of rowdy girls on a hen night, trap him in the pub and pull his pants down---- the laughter that ensues will cure his challenging sense of pride, and he will never again feel the need to dismiss an employee for this particular indiscretion ----at least not with his trousers on anyway!!
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  • oynutteroynutter
    edited April 2014
    In Response to Re: THE NEW SHEDLOAD OF FUNNY THINGS -DIARY- CHAT- POKER:
    Hey Nutter, Good luck with the funnies thread!
    Posted by LARSON7
     Thanks Larson---- It's funny you should say that, without saying anything funny-------- I think, (with the input of several funny people) we cannot fail ----- there is at least one funny thing here already!--- and another funny thing is just around the corner --- on the right---- next to the shop that buys bankers walls----- I think that's what it said in the bolour crochure??
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  • oynutteroynutter
    edited April 2014
     stand by lads ---- I think I can feel something funny coming on-----
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  • oynutteroynutter
    edited April 2014
    sorry peeps, phone was stuck in the corner of my pocket ----see "rigged" thread for a funny
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  • oynutteroynutter
    edited April 2014
     I have taken it upon myself to read some threads each day, and copy the funniest post here, which, today, just happens to be one of mine---- everyone is welcome and encouraged to choose their own and paste it here on our funny poker thread


    MattBates 49/50 in the main? He must be short :)
    Posted by Lambert180

     This is merely an old wives tale, probably put about to save washing sheets, it has been statistically proven that it will not stunt your growth------ I'm nearly 5ft 11" you know!
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  • cenachavcenachav
    edited April 2014
    In Response to Re: THE NEW SHEDLOAD OF FUNNY THINGS -DIARY- CHAT- POKER:
     I have taken it upon myself to read some threads each day, and copy the funniest post here, which, today, just happens to be one of mine---- everyone is welcome and encouraged to choose their own and paste it here on our funny poker thread MattBates  49/50 in the main?  He must be short :) Posted by Lambert180  This is merely an old wives tale, probably put about to save washing sheets, it has been statistically proven that it will  not  stunt your growth------ I'm nearly 5ft 11" you know!
    Posted by oynutter
    But does it make you go blind?  I think it may because David Cameron has started to wear glasses
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  • oynutteroynutter
    edited April 2014
    In Response to Re: THE NEW SHEDLOAD OF FUNNY THINGS -DIARY- CHAT- POKER:
    In Response to Re: THE NEW SHEDLOAD OF FUNNY THINGS -DIARY- CHAT- POKER : But does it make you go blind?  I think it may because David Cameron has started to wear glasses
    Posted by cenachav
    Hi Cenachav,

     Well, we only have anecdotal evidence at the moment, there certainly was a theory many years ago, when relatively poor quality publications were the norm, and one had to strain to try to see particularly fine detail, hd printing and cameras nowdays have probably saved humanity--- ( sorry girls, half of humanity ) from long term damage due to eye-strain.

     The only real worry for the forseeable future, is a massive and catastrophic increase in road and workplace accidents, upon the general release of google glasses.
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  • oynutteroynutter
    edited April 2014
      Speaking of above,----a funny post today from Ice Tiger on the show thread with Anna fowl language


    Last Longer Please

    I am a poker player because I want to meet Anna Fowler

    The most common mistakes I made as a beginner to poker was trying to get Anna Fowler say something rude on the TV


    Sorry, I have grown up now
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  • oynutteroynutter
    edited April 2014
     Grown up?---- don't do it Tiger!----- you can see her in HD now!!----- much better for photo-shop too!!
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  • oynutteroynutter
    edited April 2014
     Down with this type of thing!


     Today is the day that Texas-holdem was invented (Wednesday) in Robstown, Texas. 

     Many stories have been told about the origin of Texas hold em, but only one is really true.

     A man named Jack was responsible, he was a gold miner, and a good one at that.

     One monday morning, Jack hit a new seam of pure gold,--- by 12'clock, he had 7 pounds of gold!!

     Off he went to the local saloon to play cards with his mates. Now Jack was a simple kind of man, and 

    so he had no problem finding some eager friends to start a game, but he was celebrating with a 25 year old 

    Tennesee whiskey ---- To cut a long story short, by Wednesday, he was too drunk to handle all his cards, but 

    his good friends did'nt really want him to go home, ---- So they decided to make it easier for the (soon to be) 

    poor fella---- they came up with the game, gave him two cards, told him to hold them, and the rest is history!


                true--- so I'm told
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  • oynutteroynutter
    edited April 2014
     The funny of the day, contrary to popular opinion, is not Ryan Giggs!
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  • oynutteroynutter
    edited April 2014
    •                      NEWS HEADLINES

     Several thousand Manchester United fans have taken a vote on facebook today ------- The poll reveals that 92% of them have recently had a good think about life on the planet in general, and decided that football is silly.
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  • oynutteroynutter
    edited April 2014
     In other news---- An Essex mechanic got confused when a man told him " sump fing fell off me car"
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  • diablo_pezdiablo_pez
    edited April 2014
    Dyslexic man walks into a bra
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  • oynutteroynutter
    edited April 2014
    and bonks his wallocks off
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  • oynutteroynutter
    edited April 2014
    ha ha--- some poker!---



        
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  • oynutteroynutter
    edited April 2014
     I'm not in the habit of brag posting, then I remembered it's a diary--lol---but really, if you can't brag about winning a few quids for your bankroll,  then you can't brag about losing a few quid by playing stupid--- so it works both ways really----- innit?
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