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The prosecutor said to the first one ' where were you on the 5th of September at 7pm? '
The second one says ' i was at home all evening '
The prosecutor said to the second one ' i wasn't talking to you '
The third one says ' i didn't say ***k all. '
'I am sick of the sight of you sir' said the judge, 'am going to send you to jail this time i will not allow you to carry on this way any longer'.
'What did he steal this time? he asked the prosecutor.
'This can of plum tomatoes ' he replies holding it up in the air.
'Bring it here with a can opener' demands the judge. He turns to the shoplifter and says ' i am sentencing you to 1 month in prison for every tomato in this can' he exclaims.
He opens the can and takes out 6 tomatoes and said ' right you are going to prison for 6 months, do you have anything to say before you are taken down?'
'Yes' says the shoplifter, 'thank ***k i put the beans back'
'Do you want an ice cream love?' asks the wife.
'No it's ok don't bother ' says the husband.
'I wont forget what you want don.t worry ' reassures the wife.
'Ok then' says the husband, ' i'll have a cornet with a flake and some hundreds and thousands and some nuts on and some strawberry sauce and some chocolate sauce' ok.
'So let me get this right so i don't forget ' said the wife, ' you want a cornet with a flake and and some hundreds and thousands and nuts and strawberry sauce and chocolate sauce '
'Yep that's right said the husband'
She gets her purse and goes out. About an hour later she returns with fish and chips and puts them on his lap wrapped up.
'What the piggin heck is this woman?' said the husband.
'It's fish and chips ' said the wife.
'You bleedin idiot ' said the husband, ' i wanted sausage and chips !!'
This was one of the first tales I read about poker.
I feel fortunate to still have copy's of the old American 'Mag' , "Cardplayer" ..
One of the best journalist and player at that time was Mike Caro, and to him I thank for the years after 1993 and this story of poker and Life ....
(enjoy and learn)
12 Life Strategy Tips From Mike Caro That Really Work
This is the original manuscript for a two-part series that was featured in Casino Player magazine about 1994. I spend a lot of time teaching life strategy, and there are many similarities between using correct tactics everyday and making winning decisions gambling.
But, remember, in gambling you can't beat many games, because the odds are fixed against you. So, you need to stick to the ones for which your skill is sufficient to win - such as poker, private wagers, gin rummy, and sometimes blackjack. Avoid roulette and craps. These are games with odds that are permanently on the casino's side. There is no way you can overcome this disadvantage, so you shouldn't play. But life's different. You're in that game, even if you sometimes wish you weren't - and your decisions always matter.
The original two-part series has been merged below and appears a single article. -
Caro's Most Powerful Gambling Advice Tackles Real-Life: Part I
Suddenly you're awake. But where are you? Everywhere you look there's white. White walls hug and confine you, stretching deeper and deeper, marking the boundaries of a straight, narrow, featureless hallway. You're bewildered, but who wouldn't be? Finally you stand and look behind you. All white, everything, going back to where it all vanishes.
You push against the hard white floor, swaying and almost losing your balance because you've been asleep so long. Looking ahead, you realize the hallway is not exactly like it was behind you. Almost the same, but not quite. Way, way in the distance you can see some specks. And, reasoning that specks are better than nothing, you begin walking toward them.
It takes a long time, but then the specks grow and define themselves. They have become signs, gold in color and arrow-shaped. They hang at the end of the hallway, and you can see lettering on them. Closer and closer you walk, until you can see that there's a second hallway perpendicular to the this one. One arrow points left and reads: "Casino." The other points right and reads: "Life."
It's decisions like this that make you cry out for your mommy. Let me help. Turn right toward the real world, and I'll give you some advice as you're walking. In the future I'll provide plenty of strategy for winning at formal gambling, including some tips that will help you fare better inside the casino.
But there's something you have to understand today. Gambling games are merely formalized, simplified ways of experiencing exactly the same risks we experience in everyday life. If you're alive--as most of my readers are--you gamble. Formally or informally, you gamble.
Not surprisingly, many of the same strategies I've lectured about and analyzed with computers apply just as powerfully to everyday life as they do to formalized gambling. Somewhere down the list of my next 20 books, which I've announced but failed to deliver so far, is one called Poker Without Cards.
By the way, I absolutely never use any manipulative tactics that I teach against people I respect. Why? Because, having heard me lecture about these strategies, people would feel uncomfortable dealing with me. So, I deal with all friendly associates in a completely straightforward manner. I have to. You don't. Now here are some useful examples of gambling tips and philosophies I hope you'll successfully be able to adapt to the world around you.
1. The cards probably won't break even--not in gin rummy, not in poker, and not in real life. There's a common misconception that if you play poker long enough the cards will break even. Fat chance! Maybe, if you could play forever, never stopping, never sleeping, eventually you'd break even on luck. But not in just one lifetime! Early on you'd probably break even on, say, the number of full houses you were dealt, but it would take much longer to break even on circumstances surrounding those full houses.
You might lose more hands than you should lose on average. On the other hand, sometimes opponents might have nothing to oppose you with, and you'll win nothing. You might get many full houses when you're sitting in big-limit games, or you may receive most in smaller games. You might be against weak opponents, you might not. On and on. And the more factors you consider, the broader the range of luck, and the longer it will take for you to break even.
Does this mean some people are luckier than others for their lifetimes? You bet! But there's good news. You can still win, year after year, in gambling games requiring skill, even if you're not lucky. How? Simply by making the best decisions again and again without fail. Then, instead of being a break-even big-money player who may win $100,000 one year and lose $100,000 the next, you might win $250,000 in a lucky year and win $50,000 in an unlucky year. In this over-simplified example, the $200,000 swing from lucky year to unlucky year isn't enough to cause you to lose. At seminars, I teach that you should go to the poker table day after day on a simple mission. That mission is to make the best decisions always, and never worry about whether you're lucky or unlucky. You can't control your luck, but you can control your decisions.
Same in life. Some people spend half their lives in hospitals. Others are healthy. All your belongings might be swept up in a tornado. You might discover a million dollar painting in you attic. Stop expecting life to be equal for everyone. It won't be. Your mission is simply to make the best decisions with the "hands" you're dealt.
2. If you're a winner--in formal gambling or in life--you should never try to get even "for the night." By doing this, you're perverting your practice of making meaningful decisions while pursuing a meaningless goal. The mistake is in looking at each gambling session, or each financial venture, as a game to be won or lost. Don't! In poker, it's better to win $10,000, lose $2000, and lose $500 than to win $4,000, win $998 and win $2. In the first case, you won $7,500, but you only had one win and two losses. In the second case, you won only $5,000, but you won all three times. Oddly, most gamblers and most people in real life unconsciously feel better about the second scenario than the first. Such feelings are natural, but they're also dangerous.
If you agree with me that $7,500 is better than $5,000, then you should clearly see that it doesn't matter where the profits come from. The next two points are closely related, and they demonstrate how most people diminish their overall success.
3. Never make anything worse. Sure, it sounds obvious? But guess what? I've never met anyone who didn't make things worse sometimes, including myself. People get angry, and they make things worse. They lose at business or at romance, and they make things worse. It's because they're feeling so miserable that those extra losses don't seem to register. In gambling, I call this dangerous practice crossing the threshold of misery. Here's how it works.
A player sits down at blackjack thinking that the worst that can happen is he'll lose $500. Everything goes wrong and suddenly he's losing $1,000. He has now crossed the threshold of misery and maximized his ability to register pain. Losing $1,114 doesn't feel any worse than losing $1,000. That extra $114 doesn't matter, and so he concentrates less and plays worse. It happens all the time in life. Romance does this to you. Unexpected misfortune does this to you. Decisions that would normally matter (like that extra $114 in blackjack) don't seem to matter by comparison. But these decisions all add up. In life people who are heartbroken sometimes make the worst business decisions imaginable. Those decisions don't seem to matter much compared to the heartbreak. And those decisions all add up, and eventually they will matter.
In poker, many lifelong losing players would actually be lifelong winners if they simply never made things worse. Worse out of anger, worse out of exasperation, worse out of apathy, worse out of self-pity, worse out of temper. If it doesn't matter now, it will matter tomorrow. So from now on, promise yourself you will never make things worse. You will never make things worse.
4. What you've already invested doesn't matter. Too many poker players damage their bankrolls by calculating how much they personally "invested" in the pot before making their decision about whether to bet or fold. Don't do that. The pot, all that money you're competing for, is simply there. It doesn't matter where it came from or how much of it you invested. It wouldn't matter whether it had originally been all yours or whether the players just happened to find it forgotten on the table. The pot belongs to no one right now.
Same in life. It doesn't matter how much money, how much time, how much effort you have invested in a project. Say you purchased land for $50,000. One morning you wake up and it's only worth $25,000. That same day, someone offers you $40,000. You should accept this offer, because you're not losing $10,000, you're gaining $15,000. That's because what the land used to be worth doesn't matter, and what you've invested doesn't matter. You don't need to win on this investment. The trick is to make winning decisions again and again and let lifelong success take care of itself. Ignoring taxes, write-offs or anything else that will complicate this example, the land is worth $25,000 now. You can get $40,000 by selling. Selling is the right decision, and it has value--in this case, $15,000.
5. Never seek sympathy. I teach gamblers never to complain about bad luck. First of all, nobody really cares. Their own exaggerated memories of personal bad luck dwarf whatever you're complaining about. And if you complain to opponents--such as in a poker game--they're inspired because you're unlucky. They'll think you're not a force to be reckoned with, they'll play better, and they'll cost you money.
It's the same in life. There's absolutely no reason to tell tales of misfortune. You'll inspire life's opponents, and you'll lose esteem among life's allies. So, if your luck is bad, keep it to yourself.
6. Keep your hand secret. If you habitually exposed your poker hand before the showdown, opponents would know what you had, and they'd know for certain whether to play against you, whether to raise you, whether to pass. It would be stupid to play poker that way, but people do that everyday in real life. How? They don't keep secrets. Listen: Never volunteer personal information to anyone who isn't a friend, unless you know specifically that you have something to gain by volunteering the information. Sound heartless? Well, OK, it's all right to volunteer useful information if it can't harm you. It's also all right to give information sometimes if you're getting information in return.
But think back. I'll bet for every time you regretted keeping secrets, there are many more times you regretted telling secrets. People simply give away too much information, and it eventually haunts them. Secrets can seem insignificant at the time they're shared, but later the sharing turns out to be an important mistake.
Like it or not, successful people keep secrets much better than unsuccessful people, just as successful poker players conceal their hands better than unsuccessful players. Repeating: It's a fact that people who succeed keep secrets. Never reveal important information about yourself unless you have a specific reason for doing so. Starting now, practice telling yourself mentally why you're giving information before you give information.
People talk about their lives and their opinions, giving information that may later be damaging. They do this because they want to seem friendly. But, there's a special way you can be just as friendly and, instead of putting yourself in jeopardy, gain an advantage. How? Instead of giving information about yourself, use the same time to ask other people about themselves. If you're talking to a potential competitor, don't volunteer information; ask for opinions. I do this at the poker table. After a hand, I ask an opponent how he would have played. Usually, the player is flattered and offers a sincere answer, such as he would have bluffed. I remember that answer, and weeks later--long after the opponent has forgotten our conversation--I call and win the pot. It's the same in real life. You remember the information, and you use it later.
By the way, when I consult with businesses, there seems to be one recurring problem that comes up again and again. How can supervisors best smooth up relationships between themselves and employees who don't like them. The answer is simple. Ask the employees for their opinions. In life, you can patch up most relationships simply by softly asking a person: "What do you think?", "What would you do in this situation?", "How would you handle this?" People are universally flattered when you ask for opinions. It works with enemies, it works with employees, it works with children. Trust me, and try it. And it's consistent with the powerful poker technique of concealing your own hand while learning as much as you can about your opponents.
One of life's most important goals is to gain as much useful information from others as possible, while guarding your own secrets wisely.
7. Don't humiliate your opponents. Always allow opponents to save face, no matter how tempting it is to gloat. When you make it painful for opponents to lose, they play better, but you want opponents to play worse . Additionally, life is complicated enough without motivating people to get even with you. So, always give those you conquer a chance to save face--unless you'll never have to confront them again.
In poker, it's the same--unless your opponent is permanently broke after losing this pot, don't humiliate him. Angry players often return to harm you. Don't gloat; win graciously.
8. Don't even the score. This one's hard on your ego, but listen anyway. In life you don't need to get even with the person who did you wrong. Similarly, you don't need to get even with the person who bluffed you in poker. You shouldn't care where your next opportunity to gain comes from. You don't have to get even or break even with anyone. Play the opportunities as they arise. Success stacks up the same, no matter where it comes from. Some people are so busy getting even, they never have time to get ahead.
In gambling and in life, a few people are going to get the better of you. So what? If you won a bet on a basketball game, would you be upset that the other team's center scored more points than your team's center? Of course not! You won the bet, so what do you care? Same in life. If you win overall, don't fret over a few lost skirmishes, and never waste energy trying to get even with those who beat you.
9. Act last. Almost no one realizes the importance of acting last. At my poker seminars, I teach how important it is to understand your position at the table. Players must act in turn, and those who act after you have an advantage because they get to see what you do before they make their decisions. So, I teach that you should use psychology and make friends with players who act after you. They'll then be less motivated to exploit their advantages. This works in life, too. Befriend those who have an advantage, so they will be less motivated to make it difficult on you. That's important, and I'll repeat it: In life, make friends with those who could do you the most damage.
And there's more. You should usually strive to gain advantage by acting last. If you're sure that everyone will have an equal chance to act, it's better--with few exceptions--to wait to see what your opponents do, then adapt your strategy accordingly. In poker, we call it a positional advantage. Let's call it the same thing in real life.
10. Save your fancy moves for when you're running good. In skillful gambling, when your luck is running bad, opponents often become inspired and play better. You're no longer a force to be reckoned with in their minds. Most of your fancy plays won't work because you've lost the intimidation factor, which is fundamental to many aggressive strategies. At these times, you should become a more timid player. In life, do the same thing. Sometimes in conversations or in business, things aren't really clicking and you're losing ground. You can feel it happening. Play defensively. Your image is wrong for asserting yourself, so--if possible--just lurk and don't take a stand yet. Many people desperately try to prove themselves when they are at a disadvantage, but they ought to just sit silently. As a bonus, this silence often seems like strength to others. Repeating: When you're at a disadvantage, or you're just not in sync, don't try to prove yourself immediately. Wait it out. Sooner or later an opportunity will come, and then you can be profound or assertive.
11. Cheer for your friends. I want to warn you about envy. Many people don't want their friends to succeed. In gambling, I never feel envious of friends who are winning more than I am. I want my friends to succeed so they can share their secrets, so they can tip me off to better games in the future, so they introduce me to rich novices looking for a game--all sorts of benefits. If your enemies win, you don't get any of these advantages. It's the same in life. You should want your friends to succeed always. The more friends you have succeeding, the more opportunities you'll have. It's just plain crazy, but common, to be jealous of your friends' successes.
12. Don't fret over each injustice. In gambling and in life, there's always injustice. Bet on it! Poker's worst starting hands often win. And bad players sometimes get lucky. In life, the same. In fact, there's so much injustice that we couldn't possibly devote ourselves to setting things right.
Next year there will probably be 246 unbelievably unjust things that will happen to you personally. Cashiers will hand you too little change. People will spread falsehoods about you. Someone will misunderstand what you say. Crooks will scam you. On and on. And we're guessing that this will happen 246 times next year. If it only happens 230 times, you're having a good year! So, you can either just going on to the next thing, or you can damage you chances of success by dwelling on each injustice, talking about it, fuming over it. All that fusing, all that fuming, all that waste of mental energy really doesn't make sense. Why should you get aggravated, especially if you're having a good year? So, simply, learn to overlook injustices unless you're prepared to act on them. Yes, It's noble to act against injustice, but it's wasteful to dwell on personal injustices you're not willing to act on......
I'd be honored if you tried out some of the strategies . Let me know if they work for you ?
A bloke with a donkey is trying to find a room for the night. he had just about given up when he sees a farm so he knocks on the farmers door. the farmer answers.
'Do you have room for me and my donkey for tonight ?' asks the man.
'I have room for you not the donkey ' the farmer replied.
'What about that big barn over there ?' asks the man '
'My biggest bull is in there and it s h a g s absolutely everything it sees, honestly mate it will hurt if not kill your donkey' said the farmer.
The weary traveller ponders the problem for a minute then he suggests ' I know, what if we cover it with a sheet? then the bull won't know its a donkey and won't mount it plus the donkey won't be afraid at the sight of the bull and give itself away in the morning'
'Ok' said the farmer ' but don't blame me if anything happens'.
'Ok' said the traveller and puts the donkey in the barn and covers it up with a clean white sheet then goes to bed.
Next day he wakes up and goes to get the donkey....it's gone and the bull is grinning from ear to ear.
The man runs off down the country lane to try and find his donkey. Eventually he runs into a man out walking and says to him ' excuse me pal but have you seen a donkey with a sheet over it walk past here at all?'
'No' said the man ' but one run like the clappers past me an hour ago with a handkerchief sticking out of it's
a r s e '.
'Hello sir' said the snail 'it's really perishing out here in the snow and i am very cold. Would you please be kind enough to let me into your house for a little while to get warm?'
'NO' snaps the man nastily and he picks up the snail, chucks it into the air and volleys it as hard as he can and it flies through the air hundreds of yards down the street and out of sight then he goes back inside and slams the door behind him.
A year later he is watching the tv on his own again on new years eve at just about midnight when again there is a knock at his door.
He walks to the door and opens it and the snail is there on his doorstep and it says to him ' what the ***k did you do that for?!!!!!
'Do i look like i drink beer?' said the mother in law miserably.
the tinker replied ' well do you have any empty vinegar bottles instead then?'
A couple of days ago I was fortunate to get a phone call, from a leading bookmakers saying I was invited to Sandown Park on the 11th March on Imperial Cup Day in the famous 'Solario Suite,' where the Racing UK Cheltenham Festival Preview will take place.
Racing UK Festival Panel will include jockeys Ruby Walsh and Aidan Coleman, channel Four tipster Tanya Stevenson, along with Top broadcaster Nick Luck and the 'magic signs', David Williams
I'm told their expert insight will hopefully point us in the direction of a few winners ?
Personally I think they want to pick my brains ..
Ive already done some anti post bets on a couple of the Irish horses,
'Captain Cee Bee' (Arkle Chase) and 'Rite of Passage' (Neptune Hurdle).
So I'm looking forward to meeting up with these famous and legendary people, it will set the seal for the start of the best week in the racing calender...
The Cheltenham Festival !!
The Festival is not just famous for it's racing. I can remember when I worked in the credit office for my old friend in his betting shops ( now retired and living in Spain)
In the past the "Cheltenham Festival" was also famous for some of the biggest poker games ever seen outside Las Vegas, in some of the Hotels fortunes were won and lost as the Irish invaded the sleepy Cotswold town .....
There were many story's, one of the priest who came to bet a horse for his community back home but never made it to the track after an all-night poker session !! There were others but I digress ...
The point being, before and during the festival week (16-17-18-19 March) I'll post here about the Sandown meeting with Ruby Walsh and the others , plus as I cant see any mention of festival meeting on this site, for those who want to, we can post our fancies or/and stories here and cheer each others runners on....
glk all benny
"It's the best week in racing in the whole years calender"....
glk with you selections and as Kevin would say !! "Be Lucky" !!!!
TEVEZ: TERRY HAS NO MORAL CODE ?
Carlos Tevez has blasted John Terry over the allegations surrounding the former England captain's private life.Wayne Bridge's Manchester City team-mate netted twice in a 4-2 win over Terry's Chelsea at Stamford Bridge last Saturday.And now he's hit out over Terry's alleged affair with Bridge's ex-girlfriend.He's quoted in The Sun as saying: "It's complicated to say something about what Terry did to Bridge. I don't think you can do that with the wife of another player."It's wrong. In my opinion, Terry has no moral code for what he did to Bridge."In my neighbourhood if you do that, you lose your legs, or more - you don't survive."Tevez squared up to Terry during last Saturday's game, but claims it wasn't as a result of the Bridge furore."I didn't fight with Terry because of that," he said."I fought with him because he took me by the shirt and I didn't like it. I became furious with him because of that."The former Manchester United frontman also revealed that he has 'always had problems' with Chelsea midfielder Michael Ballack.He continued: "I have always had problems with Ballack but, you know, it is just football, not personal issues between us.
"I don't know, maybe he doesn't like me, as I don't like him."On the field, I have never understood what he is saying to me, but I am sure he didn't understand me either."
This sounds like a few Poker Players I know !!
(dead ringerof 'mincemeat in 'corrie st') who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. 'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.'
She calmly turned her head and said, 'In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.'
To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat,
so I outrank you.
Tray-up, B itch'!.
It's not inside trading, so it's ok, just my opinion along with a few phone calls with friends at the time ...
There are two more to follow ....next week ..
My First Cheltenham Antie-Post bet 7/2 - Captain Cee Bee .. 0
Arkle Chase.
9/1 - Alaivan ... 3rd
JCB Triumph Hurdle
14/1 - Restless Harry ...fell
Neptune Novices' Hurdle
5/1 - Tranquil Sea ..0
Ryanair Chase
7/1 - Big Zeb ...1st
Queen Mother Champion Chase
5/1 - Zaynar .. 3rd
Champion Hurdle
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Win Singles
small e/w trebles
small e/w Acc x4
small e/w Acc x5
Small e/w Acc x6
PS .. please note all these prices have now shortened up since original post !
On Friday this week (7th March) I decided to take a trip to a new Poker Club in Maidenhead, called, 'TC Sports'.(private members club) My old mate Alan Rutter (who looks an absolute ringer of Andy Black) had been asking me for weeks to pop over and see him at his new poker club, jointly owned by himself and two other old poker buddies, Tony Chapman and Alan Rudge ..
The previous week I'd been on the phone to Alan 'R" to ask him if he wanted to come to Sandown Park with me , I had an Invite from David Williams (laddies) to be with them in their Solario Suite to see this Saturdays Imperial Cup .. Alan said he'd love to go and how about me coming over to play the Friday 'hold-em' tournament at the new club.( 50 pound entry with 25 add-on, 8k chips 25 min clock.. '37' runners )So I said,"Great, about time I met my old mate Tony Chapman again !"
When I arrived, I had got there early so that we could have a chat about the good old days 'as you do', I had forgotten this was also an Internet Cafe as well.... .Imagine my surprise as Alan met me outside this very exclusive looking frontage , we shook hands as he led me inside saying,"The poker club is down stairs but lets have a coffee for now." As we sat down in front of one of many PCs Alan Rudge came in, all smiles as always, "Hello Barry, jeez how are you , long time," "So, what do you think of our new enterprise?"" Very impressive" I said, and just as I was about to continue who should walk in but Alan Rutter's partner the gorgeous and lovely ' Donna' !"Hello, Barry""Oh hey Donna, how are you, jeez you haven't changed since the day I met you.(quick kiss on the cheek) back in the day when you were a dealer at the 'Concorde Club" in Vienna !!"
She smiled, and said, "Oh yes I was there for over 3 years, a lot of water has gone under the bridge since those days!"Alan , Donna and myself chatted about old friends like the late Gary Woodcock who was with me in Vienna and in Barden (Austria) and we remembered so many good times and good friends....Alan looking at the time said, we had better take a look at the card-room and get me signed in for the tournament , also organise my membership for the club.
Down stairs we went and as we walked through the double french doors......"Oh my, this is impressive !!" ..I couldn't help myself as I looked around, seven full sized tables with tournament screens on two walls, and there behind the registration was the legendary "TC" (Top Cat) himself, Tony Chapman !!"Oh my god," he called out, " It's Rudi Voller himself, No I take that back, I here some call you 'Paul Wellers' older brother these days?" ... We shook hands and laughed as at that moment, who should tap me on the shoulder but another old poker buddie legend and good friend , 'Graham Pound " along with another old playing buddie 'Jay Patel" .. Well, we started chatting and laughing , Graham even knows T K (Tony Kendall) as well. (small world this poker malarky)
Anyway I could go on for hours about this great poker night and the tournament here at 'TC's" in Maidenhead, but the upshot is, when it came down to a final table the last 'three' players were .. Old boy 'Michael now renamed as (The Magician) for how he pulled up the bet from nowhere , my old mate 'Jay Patel' and Myself !! ....
Jay said we should do a deal as the chips were close , . so we chopped the 2200 top three prize money, every one was happy and agreed, this could be the start of a great new club with so many nice people and good players, young and old !! ..
And for all you 'young guns' the last THREE finalists combined age, can you believe It ? One Hundred and Eighty !! .... Heaven knows what total age it would have been if, Tony Kendall had been there as well ?
(footnote) Anyone interested in going to this fantastic venue can PM me or contact the club through google)
Tomorrow I'm off to Sandown Park (Invite from the 'magic sign) with my good ol poker pal, Alan Rutter(Co Owner of TC Sport and poker club)for the Imperial Cup meeting ...
Then on Wednesday and Thursday I'll be at the Cheltenham Festival. (Thanks to Craig here at Skypoker "player" for making this possible, top man)
In tomorrows Imperial Cup, I'm going in with "Quaspal the McManus runner and now favourite for the race @ around 5/1 he'll do for me, also a small e/w Numide @ 25/1 in places, as for the rest of the card Ive no opinion, we'll be talking with Ruby Walsh and Tanya Stevenson before racing so I'll pick their brains for that .....
On to Cheltenham, well as previously mentioned in this thread, Ive been having ante post bets since February for this festival .. Alan and myself are hoping to get an invite to one of the private poker games at one of the hotels but as with racing and poker, alot ends up in the 'lap of the gods' !!
So maybe next week I'll be busted out and playing 02/04 cash games here online with Skypoker, or , well .... I'll just dream about the alternative for the moment and cross that bridge when we come to it ..!!
The horses Ive already backed for Cheltenham, some already posted here ..
The rest are ..
Day Of A Lifetime ... Champion Bumper
Tranquil Sea ... Ryanair Chase
Restless Harry ...Albert Bartlett Novices Hurdle
Alaivan ...Triumph Hurdle
Diamond Harry ... Rsa Novices Chase
Zaynar ... Champion Hurdle ..3rd
Get Me Out Of Here ... Supreme Novices' Hurdle
Captain Cee Bee... Arkle Chase ..0
Rite Of Passage ... Neptune Novices' Hurdle
Good luck me.. and good luck you, whether its poker or the horses and life itself ...
"May your gods go with you," enjoy !! Benny
And so they did.
As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself, "My God, if I knew she was a virgin, I would have been much more gentle with her!"
And the woman was thinking to herself, "My God, if I knew the old geezer could actually get it up, I would have taken off my panty hose!"
There was a massive gamble on QASPAL ...backed down from 9/2 in the morning to 11/4 at the off ... Did we back him ?? Yes we Did !!
Cheltenham Preview .....
I was with Racing UK at Sandown and their guests Paul Nichols and Nicky Henderson, gave plenty of clues to next weeks Festival Meeting ...... watch this thread next week for more about that ....
Never Lose Your Grandson!
A heartwarming story . . .
A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall.
He approached a uniformed policeman and said,
"I've lost grandpaay grandpa!"
"The cop asked,
"What's he like?"
The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied,
"Jack Daniels and women with big boob s."
Final preparations and countdown are now in place and the best news for me is Jonjo has nailed his colours to the mast as far as 'Get Me Out Of Here" is concerned , he's a definite for the Supreme Novice on the first day ...
Any doubts over Get Me Out Of Here's target for Cheltenham disappeared when he didn't feature among the six-day acceptors for the Vincent O'Brien County Hurdle. Jonjo O'Neill's charge will run in the opening race of the Festival, the Spinal Research Supreme Novices' Hurdle.
However the master of Jackdaws Castle is still responsible for the top-weight in Friday's handicap, the recent French import Rock Noir.
Quantatitiveasing's Festival options were reduced by one when he was taken out of the Martin Pipe Conditional Jockeys' Handicap Hurdle as was another leading fancy Bygones Of Brid.
Other good news is from Ireland where Andrew McNamara feels "Tranquil Sea" and "Alaivan" are his two best chances of glory at Cheltenham.
The Irish jockey teams up with the Edward O'Grady-trained duo in Thursday's Ryanair Chase and the JCB Triumph Hurdle on Friday respectively.
"All's very well with Tranquil Sea. He did a piece of work yesterday. I didn't ride him but I saw him and he was in great form," said McNamara .
This week is definitely Bennys favourite week of the year !!
Champion Hurdle - Go Native (on at 8/1,might have saver on Zaynar he has to have a great chance and wouldn't worry about last run on that ground)
Mares Hurdle - Voler la Vedette (on 9/2 the way she beat go native whose fav for champ hurdle was impressive)
Ryan Air - Tranquil sea (cheer with you)
Neptune Novice Hurdle - Rite of Passage (cheer with you)
Triumph Hurdle - Alaivan (on at 8/1 cheer with you, but also had tip for According a few months back same ownership as zaynars but think its out to 40/1.I have heard that According is the worst winning result on ladbrokes books!)
Champion Bumper - Shot from the hip
Have a great festival and be lucky!!!!!Cheers Dave.
Have sent you a pm regarding Cheltenham!
All the best,
Craig
(aka: OnlyOneCT)
This week has seen me play five tournements and final table twice [ 3rd and 9th] the other 3 finishes were either on the bubble or just outside it. ......Just can't crack that number 1 spot though!
Still, if my luck is in I might put some of my winnings on Benny's CHELTENHAM tips!
hiya m8 many thanks for chelthnam tips have backed them as a patent & a win on dtw
My fancies are ..
..... no-bet ..........13:30 Cheltenham
4/1 Rite Of Passage...14:05 Cheltenham
6/1 Diamond Harry...14:40 Cheltenham + Long Run
10/1 Big Zeb ...15:20 Cheltenham + Master Minded
8/1 Quantitativeeasing...16:00 Cheltenham
6/1 Sanctuaire ...16:40 Cheltenham (nap . my one big bet of the day)
10/1 Day Of A Lifetime ...17:15 Cheltenham
glk all
Enjoy the Festival
6/1 Diamond Harry...14:40 Cheltenham + Long Run 0
10/1 Big Zeb ...15:20 Cheltenham + Master Minded 1st
8/1 Quantitativeeasing...16:00 Cheltenham 0
6/1 Sanctuaire ...16:40 Cheltenham (nap . my one big bet of the day) 1st ..(Get In)
as 'webby' would say , "hope this helped" !!
AN IRISH BLONDE IN A CASINO
An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.
She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!'
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'
The other answered,
'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'
MORAL OF THE STORY -
Not all Irish are drunks,
not all blondes are dumb,
but all men... are men !!