Token of Appreciation (0 to somewhere nice with the aid of a few tokens). Pledge of Positivity.

hhyftrftdr

Oh yeah I get that you didn't play a hand and weren't even logged on to participate.....but its clearly our own fault to reg a comp and then forget about it/forget to de-reg it, its not a grey area like connection issues or when the site goes down.

Phantom66

I have in the past regged a few tourneys and thought I bust the last one, logged out and lost a BI. I dont contact CC in those instances.

Only tried here because I had regged the tourney with no intention of playing it. I dont play timed tourneys and why would I use 2x£2.30 tokens for a £3 tourney. I had only done this because of the token situation. If I could have picked which token to use, or if the s/w selected the exact amount token if it is there, or use the 1st token to expire by default I would not have needed to reg the £3 tourney to "save" the tokens I wanted to keep.

I know I am in the minority in saving these things up, but seeing as I set up a thread with the aim of saving and using tokens, it is important to me.

I accept I was lucky in the refund, on balance I didn't have to get one, it was my fault, but nevertheless probably excellent customer relations in giving me the refund in this instance and I only mentioned it to give a nod to CC who I always find are brilliant.

Phantom66

And so onto some results. I guess it is important when you start a diary to keep posting on the bad runs, so here goes...

I am now in loss at DYMs (probably no surprise to some). I had been riding along at +10% ROI for most of this year, but then came the inevitable downswing. I started a typical run of making reasonable shoves on the bubble and running into a monster, getting it in good with dominating hands and getting outdrawn. K9 seemed to have it on for me, busting AA twice and AK. I did however make the situation worse by playing more gambly plays early doors to test the poker gods and they were still against me.

So I did contribute to my own downfall with a bit of indiscipline. Partially in my defence these DYMs were all Turbos so I never had a realistic ambition of +ROI, they do help keep the points going and suit my limited time availability.

Overall doing ok, especially thanks to some promotional tokens.       2017 Summary Results     Combined scores entries buy-in rake winnings profit ROI p/g NL dym 100 £263.00 £26.50 £289.00 -£0.50 -0.2% -£0.01 NL 6max 5 £12.00 £1.20 £26.40 £13.20 100.0% £2.64 PLO8 dym 32 £98.00 £9.80 £132.00 £24.20 22.4% £0.76 TOTAL 137 £373.00 £37.50 £447.40 £36.90 9.0% £0.27 Tokens used         £21.00     Cash rewards         £0.00               £57.90     Tokens to use £6.90          

Phantom66

I didnt manage to reach the 100 points last week, it was a low volume week and without any double points to help couldn't get there.

I broke my duck in the PLO8 B/H, didnt survive long enough to gauge it really. I got an early double up without a bounty then a quartering when my wheel + 2 pair for a FH draw was outdrawn to a flush for the high.dropped me down, Then made a couple of bad decision for an early gg.

I haven't put the results in my sheet as I doubt I will play many to be worth tracking. On the plus side I popped into a PLO cash 20nl table with only 1 player sat and promptly got the lot within a few hands, just one of those spells where I seemed to smash every flop. Not recording that either.

With the dramatic slow down in PLO8 dym traffic I am trying to play a few more 6max SNGs, which are my favourite format rather than chasing volume in the NL DYMs. Shame about the slow down, the player pool seems to be there still but playing the B/H MTTs and the knock on effect of Tikay taking his custom to the NL DYM tables they really are SLOW to fill. I logged on at 10pm Saturday and regged a £3er, by 10:25 I gave up as I was still the only registrant.

150 SNGs up...

			2017 Summary Results
Combined scores	entries	buy-in	rake	winnings	profit	ROI	p/g
NL dym	109	£285.00	£28.70	£321.00	£7.30	2.3%	£0.07
NL 6max	8	£19.00	£1.90	£34.80	£13.90	66.5%	£1.74
PLO8 dym	33	£101.00	£10.10	£138.00	£26.90	24.2%	£0.82
TOTAL	150	£405.00	£40.70	£493.80	£48.10	10.8%	£0.32
Tokens used					£21.00
Cash rewards					£0.00
					£69.10
Tokens to use	£6.90

VespaPX

Feeling the same pain with the PLO8 DYM's.

Not sure what i'll do if they dry up completely. :-(

Phantom66

Another week another token missed.

However given the week I have had it is of no great import.

Sadly we had to put our family dog of 14 years to sleep this week. It caps a pretty sh1tty time altogether really.

Last summer we suddenly lost a young member of our family in tragic circumstances, This Christmas there was a terrible event involving my sons which needed a life saving trip to casualty. Can't thank the NHS enough for that one, I could rant about other aspects, but the emergency care received that day was first class.

They say bad things come in threes so I hope that is us done for a while.

On the plus side PNE are doing OK at the moment, With a few more fancied teams stuttering form lately maybe we even have a shot at the play-offs.

yourfired

hi phantom I enjoy your diary ,sorry to hear of your loss chin up sir

yfired

markycash

Sorry to hear about your loss Phantom.

weecheez1

sorry about your dog phantom hope thats your bad luck done gl gl gl

Phantom66

Have hardly played lately so no poker news at all.

My team had a meaningless fixture last night. Still last time we played Derby it was a relegation 6 pointer so there has been progress and getting a 95th minute equaliser against anyone is always nice.

I tried to surprise my wife today - big mistake. 

Mrs P would like to see Ric Astley live and visit Hampton Court Palace. I was looking online at tickets, local shows all sold out with a few heavily overpriced ones available on resale sites. I then noticed he is doing a show at Hampton Court Palace and there still some reasonably priced tickets available. Great methinks, 2 birds one stone.

I told Mrs P of this fantastic discovery thinking she would be ever so grateful. Big mistake. Apparently combining the two would mean being a cheapskate.

Back to the drawing board. Anyone with tickets going reasonably priced in the NW of England feel free to post.

GL at the tables. Might join you soon.

QUICKFEET

I "accidentally" saw Rick Astley a few years ago. He was the warm up to Peter Kay at the M.E.N. Arena. Bit weird to have a middle aged man singing teenage love songs... so I stopped singing along... ha! ha!

Old Rick was better than I imagined, didn't take himself too seriously

Phantom66

Thanks alot marky, yourfired and weecheez for the kind words.

It is proving a tough adjustment to life without her, epsecially as she had been such a comfort to us during other bad times.

@Quickfeet I too saw Mr Astley and Mr Kay at the M.E.N. I don't think my 2 sons were overly impressed with having their mum screaming and singing along excitedly to Ric.

Phantom66

RESULT!

First the poker. Actually played some last night. I'll get the bad beat out of the way first (just so that a certain reader will have something to moan about elsewhere). £2 Turbo DYM aip with AQ called by AJ gg by the turn. Standard exit for me.

Also played a £3 PLO8 DYM, cruising early on to more than double stack then shorties kept winning until I am getting dragged back in and manage to get my chips in behind v the champ. Rivered a wheel though (sorry AJ).

So a 50p profit booked. Don;t think I'll be hitting a vegas leaderboard anytime soon.

There have been good some results on here lately, Tom's test results, positive outcome from Tikay's nasty scare, Pomfrittes qualifying for Vegas, Mr Grumps binked the mini.

There has also been some sad news, the loss of another forum regular and good egg Sir-Gary.

Quickfeet's diary is a must read, truly inspirational stuff. He even managed to mention a train trip through the Rockies without Tikay rambling on about it - the rest of the post about his incredible mum being the real point. 

Another result for me was related to Mr Astley (see above). The husband of a good friend of my wife works at the Guild Hall and managed to secure free tickets for them both. So not only did I not have to fork out a ridiculous mark-up on a resale site, I didn't have to go myself and my wife and her friend had a fabulous evening. So good to see her so happy when I picked them up afterwards (alcohol may have helped the mood but she genuinely loves mr Astley).

Capped a good weekend. I took a leaf out of Hyyyfty's book and went on an impromptu cheap weekend abroad. I say abroad it was Wales. Inspired for once by having a good weather forecast I booked a B&B in Llandudno, we had a mooch around Chester on the way, Walked along the Pier and beach, had a nice meal out in the evening and a hearty breakfast before heading up to Great Orme and then a drive around Snowdonia before heading back. Stunning scenery and plenty of fresh air. 

Me and Mrs P are starting to get some feel good back in our lives, which is the real result, after a pretty dire time of it of late.

Jac35

That's really really good news

You deserve a break

Phantom66

^^^Cheers Jac.

I seem to be spending most of my forum time on the betting section these days but I actually played some poker last night so have the chance for an update.

I think I mustered 3 dyms over the past 3 weeks, W2 L1 for the record.

Last night decided to give mini UKOPs a bash, entered UKOPS 1 (I am not rolled for the £5 or £11 events). The plan was to take it down and then have a go at the mini UKOPs leaderboard.

Didn't quite work but I did manage 8th and 3 heads for a decent return. Wouldn't say I ran well overall but did get lucky in a couple of spots. Happy with my play apart from one bad river call. It seemed every chance I had to get a top 10% stack I got beat when in good. I think I was 2nd shortie twice while still over 100 left and got lucky when I needed it for survival. AT > AJ and and a shove with 96 or somesuch junk.

On exit regged the £3 turbo UKOPS04, was already level 5 by then and chips were flying about, I was doing ok until I made the mistake of taking on Larson twice in the space of a few hands who had woken up with the monsters 85 and 98. Flopping a K with AK never going to be enough in those spots, gg me ;-).

Still main news was happy to have eldest son home back from Jordan for just over a week. Took him up to York 1 day for a look around the campus and areas where the student houses are as he is starting a masters in September. 

Stopped off at Knaresborough on the way. Big shout out for Hirsts bakery, I had what was my tastiest ever cream cake, and we also brought home a Yorkshire curd tart which was very nice. 

Phantom66

Pledge of Positivity.

I have said this before and I know I pinched it off the great JFK but

My fellow sky poker players, ask not what the forum can do for you ask what you can do for the forum.

So this update is partly about making this an enjoyable place to make friends, chat about poker and other interests, and hopefully keep access to the forum and the comms link it provides especially via the efforts of Tikay to keep us informed and act as the bridge between the community and the "suits".

I aim to keep things positive myself and keep myself active on here even if I am not pokering at the moment.

I have been offered a free entry for running the HUFA cup which I will try and use and that may get me kickstarted. I have also enjoyed having a stab at Markycash's PLO8 MTT thread.

Keeping things positive is also an issue in my personal life.

There is alot being discussed about Mental Health and that is a good thing and I saw a quote from Freddie Flintoff today which struck a chord with people talking about the stigma of mental health. Does that help or does it reinforce belief from those who do not understand it, that is something that is not real or can be overcome by a bit of positive thinking?

"I know it [stigma] is a buzz-word at the minute and people say about 'breaking down the stigma'," said the 39-year-old ex-Lancashire player. I hear it all the time and for me it's a word that shouldn't be used."

'When you're depressed ... the world passes you by, you can't get a thought in your head' 

"If I was playing cricket and I had a bad leg, I'd take an anti-inflammatory. If I had a headache, I'd have an aspirin or a paracetamol.

"My head's no different. If there's something wrong with me, I'm taking something to help that.

"And they're not happy pills, I don't take a pill and I'm seeing unicorns and rainbows - I just start feeling normal after a few weeks."

That was taken from the bbc news website - link here: 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/39854321

I am suffering from depression. I am taking medication which has helped to a certain extent. I am also on the waiting list for counselling.

I wont go into the full details of the triggers for my episode but it involved a tragic death nearly a year ago and a nasty incident at home on boxing day. On top of those events I had been struggling with illness in my family, the loss of our loved pet and the struggles and stresses of running a small business. My lack of mental capacity affects my ability to bring in income and money worries just add to the stress of it all.

It hopefully is not a vicious circle though and I am trying to be positive. You can find cheap ways of having fun, a picnic, a walk on a beach, watching a comedy or reading a book. I am letting myself do those things while trying to keep some structure in my life and get back on top of work.

I think if you know someone who is depressed you can get a sense of what it can do, but you cannot really understand it until you have been there yourself.

In my current state though I do not think it right to attempt to play a lot of poker, and if I play a little bit I will tempted to play alot.

 

Anyway that is enough procrastination, back to work.

 

Run well people.

Phantom66

Just to add to the above, one of the specific points Freddie said was...

"When you are depressed it is like life is passing you by".

It really does feel that way, he also talks be only feeling good when sleeping, so he sleeps more, and not being able to focus on anything. 

At my worse I could barely get myself out of bed.

I am getting better now, this is meant to be a positive take on depression, but at the same time I want to promote the fact that it is real, it is destructive and it is hard to break free from.

If you know or suspect that you are depressed then please seek support.

If you know or suspect someone you know is depressed than talk to them. 

Did you see those adverts a bit ago when the guy admits to be being depressed and people run a mile? 

If you are in the second category then this is a pretty good starting point in how to approach them...

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/helping-a-depressed-person.htm

I am on an upward trend but not quite there. I can mainly function as a human being, at the moment I am not my old confident self when it comes to getting out and meeting new people, which is a bit of an issue when I am reliant on myself to get more business. I have signed up to an event tomorrow and I am anxious about it already. Tomorrow I will most likely need a few toilet trips.

dragon1964

Hi Phantom,

I was just catching up with your blog.

It sounds like you have had a horrendous 12 months off the tables.

I am glad you have sought help and you think you are making progress.

And that you feel able to write about it on here.

It appears that recent publicity is having the desired effect and more people are willing to talk about depression and other mental health issues.

This can only be good for all concerned.

Any plans to get another dog?

I know when we have lost one, the place doesn't seem the same.

It's never too long until we get another to make our lives that little bit brighter.

Best wishes for the future

Phantom66

Many thanks for that post Dragon, it means alot to get a sympathetic reply

It was a big call for me to post about this, but I have in the past been inspired by the likes of Tomgoodun and Dohhhh sharing their fight. I guess the publicity around Mental Health week gave me the nudge to post about it.

I am only part way recovered but determined to get there. If only it was as simple as getting out and thinking positively. I am doing that now but without the support of Mrs P and some medication I wouldn't be where I am.

No immediate plans for a new dog, I was devastated tbh, she had fought and a few health battles and had seemingly bounced back from a bad one last September. It was one too far this time and we had to do the right thing by her. 

If anyone wants to talk about these things but do not want to do it on the forum, please feel free to PM me.

markycash

Hey Phantom,

Glad you are enjoying the oh8 thread and sorry to hear about the problems you have been having.

It is impossible for Freddy or anyone to generalise and say you just need pills or just need to think differently. The reason it is impossible is that everyone is different and the issues people face can arise due to physiological factors, or stuff going on in your own life or a mix of both.

Personally from the tiny bit I have read it sounds like you have had a challenging time in the extreme that would put anyone under severe pressure. I would personally say this suggests that the reasons for yourself finding things hard are unlikely to be physiological (such as a Seratonin imbalance). Life can get on top of us all and I relate to the pressure you are feeling. As you may have read in my blog, I lost my mother, grandmother and grandfather all within a few months of each other. On top I was juggling work, uni and helping to support my family. It was all getting to me and I had to make a few changes to the structure of my life.

The counselling could help. Things like Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) get a bad press at times but they really can help alter our feelings immensley and can be quite fundamental to achieving a more positive outcome.

It sounds like you are trying to take control of things which is great! I really hope things improve for you and if you ever want to ask anyone about pills, CBT or anything else that you are prescribed just send me a PM.

Phantom66

Thanks Marky.

I dont think just taking pills or thinking differently was meant as "the solution" by Freddie and certainly not by me.

If you listen to everything Freddie says not just the snippets on the newsfeed (its about the last quarter of the podcast) he talks very frankly about his own experiences and other people he knew with mental health issues (Harmison and Trescothick to name 2).

I think all too often people without knowledge or experience (so not you!) assume it is as easy as pills or positive thought, or that people would never get depressed in the first place if they thought the right way.

I would say from June last year up until Christmas I was suffering more from stress and anxiety. In fact in November I was sent to A&E with chest pains (as it turned out they were stress related - which is what I thought at the time - but still good to have the ticker checked out and given the all clear).

Christmas changed that, I definitely sank into depression after that. 

I have been given access to an online CBT course which I will be trying out, just got through the questionnaires and background reading. From what I gather it should help me deal with anxiety situations.

I really do think I need counselling as well as so much has happened in such a short space of time I need the release of talking about all of it to someone independent of friends and family and experienced enough to steer me through to my own conclusions of how to deal with it and move on.

The waiting list is very long though.

Thanks Marky. 

markycash

Hey Phantom,

My bad, I didn't listen to Freddy's podcast and got the wrong end of the stick with regards to what he was saying.

I definitely knew you were not saying just to do X or Y thing and everything is fine. I meant more that within a lot of the general population there will be opinions as to whether 'pills' or some sort of counselling are the better option. Personally I think that it is the factors underlaying the problems which determine which is best (often a blend), rather than the efficacy of either option in isolation.

Talking over things and counselling could definitely be a big help. The type of counselling you speak of 'psychodynamic therapy' could be perfect as you seem to be taking many postive steps yourself and may just need that nudge in the right direction as you say. I think we all need that from time to time, myself included. Hopefully the online CBT course is of some use too. It is a pity the waiting list is so long. It is surprising mental health is not invested in as adequately as it could be when it affects so many people.

HENDRIK62

In Response to Re: Token of Appreciation (0 to somewhere nice with the aid of a few tokens). Pledge of Positivity.:

Thanks Marky. I dont think just taking pills or thinking differently was meant as "the solution" by Freddie and certainly not by me. If you listen to everything Freddie says not just the snippets on the newsfeed (its about the last quarter of the podcast) he talks very frankly about his own experiences and other people he knew with mental health issues (Harmison and Trescothick to name 2). I think all too often people without knowledge or experience (so not you!) assume it is as easy as pills or positive thought, or that people would never get depressed in the first place if they thought the right way. I would say from June last year up until Christmas I was suffering more from stress and anxiety. In fact in November I was sent to A&E with chest pains (as it turned out they were stress related - which is what I thought at the time - but still good to have the ticker checked out and given the all clear). Christmas changed that, I definitely sank into depression after that.  I have been given access to an online CBT course which I will be trying out, just got through the questionnaires and background reading. From what I gather it should help me deal with anxiety situations. I really do think I need counselling as well as so much has happened in such a short space of time I need the release of talking about all of it to someone independent of friends and family and experienced enough to steer me through to my own conclusions of how to deal with it and move on. The waiting list is very long though. Thanks Marky. 
Posted by Phantom66

Mark 

I read your first post on the subject last night and drafted something similar to the bolded bit, then scrapped it as I was finding it hard to put into words, I will try again.

My wifes brother has clinical depression, it has put quite a strain on the whole family, I had no idea how to deal with it, I fell right into the trap you describe in the bolded piece.

I had written more, but I just scrapped it again, I reckon I could just about muddle through face to face, but in type I am struggling....

The gist of it is to say very well done on writing about a difficult subject, the more we discuss it the better people understand.

The more people understand the better they can appreciate the difficulties and hopefully help.

It has taken me time but I think/hope I am getting there, I know that Nathan appreciates us all trying and it certainly seems to have made a difference in conjuntion with medication and the professionals help.

Hope this makes sense and I wish you well.

Neil

Phantom66

Thanks Neil and it definitely makes sense.

I went the event so that was a definite plus for me.

I will write more tomorrow. Mentally drained now.

Phantom66

I promised an update a week ago - bad me.

I did go to the event. Normally going into an open room with a lot of people I don't know is a bit of an anxious situation for me. Giving my recent mood it was a huge anxiety generator.

But I promised myself, Mrs P and you that I would go so I did. I put my game face on, smiled, mingled, had a catch up with an old contact and introduced myself to the main guest speaker who could prove to be a useful contact.

I felt it was very much not me in the room, not that I was distant or detached, but I knew that I was acting a part in a way, that of a happy confident person. 

In Freddie's podcast he spoke of going out and putting his game face on and noone knowing how he was really feeling. I felt very much like that.

However overall that was a huge positive for me.

I have since been out talking to clients and I have some repeat business lined up and a new contract in the pipeline.

It should be the one that puts my business on a solid footing. Won't say any more as I dont want to jinx it but it is a slight change in direction for me but a positive one as it is the part of my job that I like the most and means I get rid of some of the aspects I do not enjoy as much.

Just as things are looking better on one front, things get worse on another.

Mrs P has just found out that her NHS job is being outsourced to a private firm, so a period of major uncertainty and doubt.

I can understand outsourcing laundry, security, catering etc to save money, but a clinical nursing role seems plain wrong to me and it is happening more and more. Her team feel that they have been sold off to the lowest bidder. Concerns over quality standards, governance and integration across services have been ignored to shave a few % off the bill.

The main christmas issue is still one I cannot share here, but it does involve close family and is unresolved. We are just learning to contain those thoughts and only try to solve issues we have a chance of solving for now. 

Still no poker.

Still reading the forum some signs of positivity and more contributors. I do miss Jac but my thoughts are with him and Penny today.

I am enjoying the atmosphere in the betting chat section, alot of sharing of tips, discussion on tactics etc and (touch wood) not a bad word or arguement in sight. 

Targets for the weekend.

Read a book

Do a CBT module

Take Mrs P out somewhere

Next week I hope to actually play some poker (I dont want to be moved to the rail)

markycash

In Response to Re: Token of Appreciation (0 to somewhere nice with the aid of a few tokens). Pledge of Positivity.:

I felt it was very much not me in the room, not that I was distant or detached, but I knew that I was acting a part in a way
Posted by Phantom66

Glad you made the event Phantom, well done.

Regarding the bolded part... The whole of life is like that mate, we adopt different 'roles' all the time. Whether it is the cap we put on at work, the way we act with our partners, our kids, people we meet in the street or whatever. All the situations demand different things of us so we tend to act very differently on all these different stages. 

So I fully agree with you it can feel like that!

unknown_username

In Response to Re: Token of Appreciation (0 to somewhere nice with the aid of a few tokens). Pledge of Positivity.:

I promised an update a week ago - bad me. I did go to the event. Normally going into an open room with a lot of people I don't know is a bit of an anxious situation for me. Giving my recent mood it was a huge anxiety generator. But I promised myself, Mrs P and you that I would go so I did. I put my game face on, smiled, mingled, had a catch up with an old contact and introduced myself to the main guest speaker who could prove to be a useful contact. I felt it was very much not me in the room, not that I was distant or detached, but I knew that I was acting a part in a way, that of a happy confident person.  In Freddie's podcast he spoke of going out and putting his game face on and noone knowing how he was really feeling. I felt very much like that. However overall that was a huge positive for me. I have since been out talking to clients and I have some repeat business lined up and a new contract in the pipeline. It should be the one that puts my business on a solid footing. Won't say any more as I dont want to jinx it but it is a slight change in direction for me but a positive one as it is the part of my job that I like the most and means I get rid of some of the aspects I do not enjoy as much. Just as things are looking better on one front, things get worse on another. Mrs P has just found out that her NHS job is being outsourced to a private firm, so a period of major uncertainty and doubt. I can understand outsourcing laundry, security, catering etc to save money, but a clinical nursing role seems plain wrong to me and it is happening more and more. Her team feel that they have been sold off to the lowest bidder. Concerns over quality standards, governance and integration across services have been ignored to shave a few % off the bill. The main christmas issue is still one I cannot share here, but it does involve close family and is unresolved. We are just learning to contain those thoughts and only try to solve issues we have a chance of solving for now.  Still no poker. Still reading the forum some signs of positivity and more contributors. I do miss Jac but my thoughts are with him and Penny today. I am enjoying the atmosphere in the betting chat section, alot of sharing of tips, discussion on tactics etc and (touch wood) not a bad word or arguement in sight.  Targets for the weekend. Read a book Do a CBT module Take Mrs P out somewhere Next week I hope to actually play some poker (I dont want to be moved to the rail)
Posted by Phantom66

thats the tories for you slowly dismantling the NHS its sad but its happening   

hope things pick up for you and mrs p mate gl

tomgoodun

Hi Mark

As you know, my story started off in The Rail, it's not that bad in there

I can only echo what others have said and wish you all the best, CBT is a good start, I can't say it turned my life around but it certainly helped, I know what my problem was but didn't like to admit it, I have come to terms with it now and each day is a battle but I am slowly getting there.

I fully sympathise with your loss of your beloved pet, we have the joy of looking after my dear daughters Pug now and again , she's a lovely little thing and has her own foibles, just like any member of the family really. I can't bring myself to have a pet at present as it would break my heart when the inevitable happened, pretty selfish I know but I need to look after myself these days, mentally and physically, but deep down I really really want one

Hope you come to terms with life stuff, and take one day at a time, in the bad old days I found it helpful to take  one hour at a time, try not to think of the future it will take care of itself.

All the best

Tom

Phantom66

Thanks again.

@Marky - Yes I get what you say there. In fact that sort of situation always made me anxious in tha past and I always had to put on an act in a way. Recent times exaggerate the bad feelings though. I am much better at standing up in front of people and giving a presentation. I guess others would find no problem in going into a room and talking to people 1-2-1 or in small groups but hate the thought of presenting to the whole room.

@Stoke - Thanks.The lack of support from Senior Management is shocking (the team found out through someone they knew who was approached to work for the private company having won the contract. When they asked the manager she at first said it wasn't right and was going to find out was going on. She later had to admit that there was an unopened 2 week old email informing her of the decision to select the private company.  I could say lot more but better not. 

@Tom - As you know long time follower of you from the Rail. The rail comment is really just a nudge to me to play poker again. I had hoped to do so yesterday in the 215 for Cenachav but couldnt make it. Now there is another forum regular with a battle on his hands and I wish him well. I probably most remember him from forum comps when the live shows were on. I would think up a witty answer and post, only to concede defeat the moment he posted. More on CBT to follow but good to know it helped you. 

OK so my goals for the weekend.

Read a book. I started one - 4 chapters in, 1st 2 didnt excite me but I persevered and the next 2 at least showed some promise with the introduction of a bunch of new characters. However I am yet to "laugh out loud" which was promised in the blurb.

Do a CBT module I have done one. Finding it hard to relate to what I am going through. You have to think of a "trigger event" and how that makes you feel, behave and act. I can relate that to anxiety about a meeting etc but the main trigger events are single traumatic events and because I have many different causes of stress, anxiety and depression over the past 12 months it is hard to work through.

I have got my first counselling appt through for 2 weeks time (6 months since I was first referred).

Take Mrs P out somewhere. Failed there but it was agreed mutually as Mrs P wanted to get some chores done and have some chill time at home. Plans afoot for the upcoming long weekend.

I think my timing of highlighting the harmony in the betting thread was a bit off as the next day there was a falling out. It is a shame it happened as it involved 2 people who I respect and have contributed well to that section and I have personally learned alot from both.

QUICKFEET

Only just caught up with this... wishing you well