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Now just to get everyone else on the site to answer them..........
Before I upset anyone here, this entire thread is very tongue in cheek. I have no intentions of upsetting anyone on the forum, nor have I a wish to 'tap the tank'.
I come here when I get bored or have a flash of inspiration.
If I have upset any member of the community I am truely sorry.
Sorry guys Ive only , after all this time found area 51 (doh) Sooooooooooo funny...
keep on drinking the 'Diamond White' Hale, i'm guessing you and 'oynutter' are drinking buddies ?
.... luvvvin it glk
never met nutter before in my life. We just bounce off each other and it made for the funniest thread i have ever read or took part in.
Can you give us a plug in your next blog? Material like this needs all the views it can get and I think it's being missed by 90% of the forum.
Anyway, after what can be only described as a tough day on skypoker, I decided to visit my new friends over on Skybingo.
For those that have never visited, I can only describe the lobby as amazing, all pink, plenty of flowers (which I can only assume is to disguise the faint aroma of urine emitting from the old dears) and enough ramps to put the local multi story car park to shame.
So I entered the bar, 'One pint of Guinness and half of mild please for my good lady'. The barman looked at me quite astonished. 'Half a mild for the lady?' he queried. 'yes' I replied. After ten years of marriage I told him in no uncertain terms that when I met her she was a lager drinker and I soon put a stop to that. When you take a lady out that drinks lager, at the end of the night she would want a top shelf as a treat. Start em on mild and then half a lager and lime at closing time means i'm stoppin at the petrol station on the way home for some condoms. Pure bankroll management see.
So we buy our tickets and sit down for an amazing night of bingo. Bingo room quite full so we have to sit next to a lady who is one peg away from meeting Michael Jackson. The game starts, 8 and 2, eighty two the caller shouts, before I have time to mark my card the old dear next to me say 'i'm 82 you know and I've got all my own teeth!'. I made a quick comment something along the lines of 'you don't look it dear' and 'where did you leave your teeth, in a jar at home?'. Luckily her hearing aid wasn't notched up to full and I don't think she heard me but during this debate that was reminiscent of Frost interviewing Nixon I seemed to miss several numbers........... Or so I thought. The Bingo caller was going round all the tables checking the old dears numbers to ensure no-one had missed any.
'My eyesight isn't what it was' the dear said. 'I can only mark 47 cards at a time now' by which time I had definately missed some numbers as 'Bingo' was called by an unsightly man with weeping sores all over his jacket. Note, not his body, just his jacket.
The bingo caller argues at length with the man, perfectly justified in my opinion as the caller said he had only called 5 numbers out so it was impossible to have bingo but the walking weep insisted his card be checked. To pacify this brewing riot, the checker went over and discovered that the caller not only didn't have a single number but had only coloured in the empty boxes in his bingo card with the food dye from damp smarties which he has had to suck due to the tough nature of said sweets.
Anyway, this goes on for at least two hours and I'm glad for the break. Toilet time, or so I prayed. Might as well piddle in the gutter. Queue a mile long for the loo's. I assume those colostomy bags take some emptying. So i head back to the lobby for a quick spin on the bandits.
What a joke. Longer queue there than the loo's. Can't these old dears get enough of gambling? Checked the stickers on the bandits due to the legal requirements of having to state the payout ratio and I was quite surprised to see a payout of 16%. Quite high for a bingo hall.
So my night ended here, didn't even finish the first game. No wonder so many people are crossing over from the pink tab to the blue.
I still aspire to the days when Sky Rich gives the go ahead for our little quiz. Sorts out the men from the boys. Sorry can't sat that, dam, child protection are knocking my door......................
Quick hide the laptop and dont say anything, right?
Like to keep my nose clean and..... oops, done it again. Anyone says anything I was with you all night O.K.?
Lost so much playing time while I was having fun here it's untrue.
Sky are on the verge of banning me cause i aint paid a rake in 4 days!.
After all this work there's no way i'm gonna see this thread disappear over to page two. I think we ought to get the mods to pin it on page one til we get a campaign going to make all community members take a test on this thread.
Used most of my 'A' list stuff here. Shame to waste it all.
Woke up this morning with a strong taste of sterident in my mouth. Must be a residual taste due to my night at the bingo.
I am pleased to report a major breakthrough in our fight to get all the of the souls that lose their way and end up in the pale blue tab instead of heading to the pink tab where they rightly belong.
Our fight is winning and gaining momentum, this thread is gaining a huge following not only amongst members of this forum but also internationally and sky have had no choice but to take swift decisive action. Our collective voices are being heard and the pressure is mounting on Sky.
I have heard Oynutter will be making a statement on Sky news later about this HUGE win in our battle.
Upon switching my laptop on this morning both Skypoker and Skybingo sites were both down for 'routine maintenance', this is obviously because they have had to bow to increasing public pressure and swiftly respond in an attempt to keep the genuine poker players on the site.
I can today therefore announce this...............
SKY HAVE CHANGED THE PINK TAB TO PURPLE!!!!!!!!!!
Yes a small victory for us, we can no longer accuse people of coming over from the pink tab.
Obviously Sky have seen Nutters comments regarding the colourblind and acted fast.
We cannot now rest on our laurals because of the giant leap forward in our fight. Once we have managed to find those who can't tell aces from three's and retrain them I think we may well have cracked it.
This was one point recently put to the committee meeting we had, by deliberately making our campaign finish at christmas means you will make a much healthier profit than before.
Our motto at 'bingo site' always has and always will be, 'helping to rid those little annoyances and helping you to rid them of their cash!'
Notice our slogan is now pink?? This was changed today from it's usual black in rememberence of the dear departed pink tab.
After my undercover probe in to the bingo world and my reports being published here, Sky have not only taken the decision to change the colour of the tab but now Sky Rich has posted a thread telling us that the entire bingo hall has had a complete makeover.
Gone are the flowers and the ramps. Gone are the pityfully low paying fruit machines. Gone are the toilet queues and now they have computer generated bingo cards which check themselves. This means the average bingo game should now only last about 3 hours now. Dramatic improvements all round.
May I be the first to say 'well done Sky' this should free up valuable space on the tables over here.
Our fight isn't over but another battle won I feel.
Just another disclaimer before I upset anyone again......
My threads are pure fun and a way of me letting off a bit of steam. I try to make them as amusing as posssible but if you read them more carefully I am actually poking more fun at the conspirasists out there with their usual.......
'blah, blah, blah, site fixed. small stack always hits cards.... poor play...... why call...... blah, blah, blah, worst site ever, why do i play here...... blah, blah, blah.
I certainly do not want to scare away the hand that feeds me.
Btw, I have just raised with aces in the big blind 15 x bb due to there being 4 limpers and got 2 callers. Kerching!!
(To be honest the well is completely dry on trying to get something funny to say on Skybingo, But I think I have got a few idea's bubbling away on the back burner about Skybet!!)
I have the same problem in live play. Every time I hit the flop I wag my tail.
I do charge for these little gems you know!!