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The Aussie fumed, 'What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!'
The Indian Doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such poor golf!'
The Chinese Businessman called out 'Move it, time is money'
The Catholic Priest said, 'Here comes George the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.'
'Hello, George!', said the Catholic Priest, 'What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?'
George the greens keeper replied,
'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.'
The group fell silent for a moment.
The Catholic Priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.'
The Indian Doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them.'
The Chinese Businessman replied, 'I think I'll donate $50,000 to the fire-fighters in honor of these brave souls'
The Aussie said,
'Why the F~ck can't they play at night?' !!!!!!!
The thing is, its marked (x files) however if the censor takes a few off well 'am i bovered'
If some story's go over the line then fair enough, i' just want to put a smile on some one's face and if i can help with their poker game, thats fine ....
glk Golden... keep em coming,
oh by the way.. I had Mickjenn in fits of laughter last night ??( I think)
He's chat banned as you know , but what with the chat and poker on our table ..
he kept changing his head( avatar) every 2 mins.... obviously in appreciation to what was going on..
.Oh well he'll be back soon, miss his threads though
benny
Lovely lass she was. From Tokyo.
I'm in trouble now ....
messing around on the computer where i shouldn't have been ......message came up !!
Access Denied
Now I'm really interested, so i carry on and, eek !!
Mulder Sculley where are you ......................!!!!!!
Wont be long Mick couple of months and you'll be back .!!
Im forever blowing BUBBLES ...... Ironz !!
many thanks,
Rich
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast,
wearing only the ' T' shirt that she normally slept in. !!
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly,
"You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought,
"I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all;
right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said,
"Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked,
"What was that all about?"
She explained,
"The egg timer's broken." !!!!!
The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'
The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says:
'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls,
'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'
The wife smiles demurely and says,
'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did. !!!
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,
'Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'
The officer frowns and says,
'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'
The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'
The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks,
'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'
The officer looks over at the woman and asks,
'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'
(wait for it)
'Only when he's been drinking.' !!!
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are
Chinese.
And there are 5 people in my family,
so it must be one of them.
It's either my mum or my dad.
Or my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
But I think it's Colin. !!
Your memories sound great .. you obviously had great fun there......
There has been a big campaign to try and get the track re-opened as a sports and recreation centre instead of another housing estate....Everyone is now awaiting the council decision !!
glk benny
titled ....... Bennys blatherings !
Many thanks benny
awwwh sorry Rich, sir .. captain, my captain ..I didnt think that was so bad !!
But hmm was a bit close to the mark,
funny though !!!! he he
keep up the great blog work tough Benny.
It's so unfair.
There will be plenty of goals in this game .....me thinks !!
The Borg versus Bill Gates
A "Star Trek Lost Episodes" transcript, about an encoutering with the BORG:
Picard: Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg?
And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?
Geordi: Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology.
Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.
Riker [looks puzzled]: What the he ll is 'Microsoft'?
Data [turns around to answer]: Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command pathways.
Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consumingsystem resources at an unstoppable rate.
Picard: But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?
Data: Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of resources increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken over and none will be available for their normal operational functions.
Picard: Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable geometric shape' idea.
.. . . 15 Minutes Later . . .
Data: Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the command unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all resources.
We however have not received any confirmation of the expected 'upgrade'.
Geordi: Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an 'upgrade' to compensate for their increase.
Picard: Data, scan the history banks again and determine if their is something we have missed.
Data: Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the 'upgrade'.
Appearently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not sending in their registration cards.
Riker: Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin emergency escape sequence 3F . . .
Geordi [excited]: Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped to 0%!
Picard: Data, what do your scanners show?
Data: Appearently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity.
Picard: Let's wait and see how long this 'solitaire' can reduce their functionality.
.. . . Two Hours Pass . . .
Riker: Geordi what's the status on the Borg?
Geordi: As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully increase resources I have set up our closest deep space monitor beacon to transmit more 'windows' modules from something called the 'Microsoft fun-pack'.
Picard: How much time will that buy us?
Data: Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest time span of 6 more hours.
Geordi: Captain, another vessel has entered our sector.
Picard: Identify!
Data: It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo ...
Over the speakers: THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS!
Data: The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released thousands of humanoid shaped objects.
Picard: Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft.
Riker: Good God captain! Those are humans floating straight toward the Borg ship with no life support suits ! How can they survive the tortures of deep space?!
Data: I don't believe that those are humans, Sir. If you will look closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by twenty-first century man as doe skin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani suits.
Riker and Picard together [horrified]: Lawyers!!!
Geordi: It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening.
Data: True, but appearently some must have survived.
Riker: They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all types of papers.
Data: I believe that is known in ancient venacular as 'red tape' it often proves fatal.
Riker: They're tearing the Borg to pieces!
Picard: Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch, not even the Borg deserve that.It's Life Jim but not as we know it !
Did you ever wonder why you never see dead penguins
on the ice in Antarctica ? Ever wonder where they go?
Wonder no more.
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguins have a very strong community bond.
They are very committed to their family and will mate for life. They also maintain a form of compassionate contact with their offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to
be rolled into and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle
around the freshly dug grave and sing.......
"freeze a jolly good fellow"
Oh you were S O e a s y !!!
One for TK that one!
Two dwarfs
Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two 'working girls' and take them to their separate hotel rooms.
The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erec tion. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend shouting out cries of 'Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE .... UGH!' Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE.... UGH!' Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE ... UGH!' ... ALL NIGHT LONG.
In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, 'How did it go?' The first mutters, 'It was
Embarrassing.. I just couldn't get an erec tion.'
The second dwarf shook his head. 'You think that's embarrassing?
I couldn't get on the bed.' !!!
In my Life......
)
I was going to write a blog or start a new thread but felt maybe this should not be on the front page.
Over the last few months we have seen a lot of changes here on Skypoker in regard to players coming and going ..the change in the structure of the 9 00 live shows and for sure there will be many others in the coming months.
The thing about a forum is that it gives people the freedom to air their own personal views which is good from the point of chat and helping each other, and in some cases .... romance
What I feel is unfair is that many players who leave the site don't realise what it was that has started them on a down swing and so find an excuse to blame others or in the main the poker site itself.
What People must understand and don't, is that it has nothing to do with 'swings' 'variance' or 'tilt' that has them blaming others for their losses ...the truth is it's the player them self..the psychology of whats going on in their own personal life away from the computer or live poker tables...
We all have problems as we go through life, moving and marriage / divorce or business starting or failing , jobs looking a bit dodgy any amount of problems in our lives can be happening and all the time we think our game will remain the same....it doesn't !!
This is the thing of it ,
Ultimately our life affects our decisions in the way we play, we might not think so but this is where 'patience 'can be affected, and so lead to bad decisions ..
So, for all the players who post on the forum blaming the poker site for their loses ...think ....was it really someone else's fault ..
glk /> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2d2llB4oIQ
benny
Strange , a few minutes ago was just thinking the following .After a month of running cold and another of going nowhere , i actually think my game has improved . Im rather proud of myself . And really gratefull to my friends who helped me do so . And yes , how i feel and think affects my game. I dont blame sky or others , i just blame rich.
My cat has got his official RAF wings badge he's flown across the room so many times.