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My favourite joke of the moment....................
A drunk stumbles across a Baptismal service on a Sunday afternoon
down by the river. He proceeds to stumble down into the water and
stands next to the Minister.
The Minister turns, notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are
you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk looks back and says, "Yes sir, I am."
The Minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him
right back up.
"Have you found Jesus?" the Minister asked.
"No, I didn't!" said the drunk.
The Minister then dunks him under for a quite a bit longer, brings
him up and says, "Now brother, have you found Jesus?"
"No, I did not!" said the drunk again.
Disgusted, the Minister holds the man under for at least 30
seconds this time, brings him up and demands, "For the grace of
God, have you found Jesus yet?!!!??"
The old drunk wipes his eyes and pleads, "Are you sure this is
where he fell in?"
Luv It ..... hahahhahha nice one !!
Wouldn't it be nice to travel back in time to the year ....1500 in England
They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & sold to the tannery.......if you had to do this to survive you were "P iss Poor"
But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't even afford to buy a pot...........
they "didnt have a pot to p iss in" and were the lowest of the low.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying,
"Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!"
England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be,
'saved by the bell' or was considered, 'a dead ringer'........
And that's the truth...Now, whoever said History was boring !
glk benny
Gonna win the free-roll at 5 00 ..moving on to the 9 00 Open .. win that as well
Then Sunday, i'm going in under the radar ...in disguise to play the 100 freeze-out at LUTON.G casino
I'll be wearing the T-shirt as mentioned in the ' Finian's Rainbow' Blog !!
I think we might participate in a small beverage so a good chance I'll win that as well !!
The new disguise as 'Rich' is slow with the Skypoker one ( lol ) will be ?
Steady !!
here we go , here we go ..... here we gooooo !
p.s. well done on 2nd!
You'll never guess......I forgot to enter the OPEN ....'what a donut' !!!!!!
Ok change of plan ....lol the (11 quid) 9 30 Bounty Hunter ...
doesn't matter you get a better class of people in that one ..(what) !!
mutter mutter donut wally plonker mutter mutter what a wally ...............
sigh !
Oh dear out of that with trip JJJ ..onwards and upwards one more go
The Velocity !!!! come on ...ya muppet do it !!
Thick head today, so unsure as to travelling up to Luton for the live event at 5 30..but the suns shinning so ill download some music onto the MP3 and get myself motivated....I think ?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Right download never worked (grrrrrr) The dog wanted to chase a squirrel all over the park and up a tree ! ehhkkk
So that's it i'm staying in with you guys possibly 7 00 or 9 00 ...this weekend isn't going the way i planned it ..
Think i'll tune in to a repeat of Terry Wogan breakfast show ...bless
I had to post this .... The Killers.. 'A Dustland Fairytale'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f76oTcUD__E
I luv a happy ending
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YquUgDihMT0
Right here's a promise, if you haven't seen this before you will be in hysteric's after watching !
The best by far In My Opinion ever !! It's a true documentary with the classic line , "Ya can bring ya dinner as well" !!
John Sitton Man Managment skills http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YE5mEDcjM6s
Just an update of the aftermath of this ..TRUE story !! Trevor Howard was picked up by Martin O'Neil straight after this incident when Martin was manager of Wycombe Wanderers...They went on to win two promotions and the none league Cup with Terry Howard being a key player...what a gift he became .....and he had the last laugh ..
Enjoy
benny
ps New story... "Look out Jack" under BLOGS
Hi benny , have you got any poker links , funny or otherwise ? Thanks to you both for the previous ones.
Heres a link .. you may find others here as well ...
This guy is so much like 'worm' Ed Norton in Rounders ...but to be fair he's a bit good !!
..enjoy Daniel Negreanu http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3mrX5j27rU
Bennydip2 wins the bracelet !!
and gets hugs'n'kisses from MADMOO and SUPERNOVA !! oyi oyi !!
In the interview afterwards benny said,
"I shaved my legs especially for this event, ??"
"I felt like a midget at the urinal, I always had to be on my toes"
"This was a class field, I kept telling myself patience is a virtue, Wait, then go Allin" !!
Player NamePlacePrizeHeads TakenHead ValueChipsTable Player NameWPlaceWPrizeWHeads TakenWHead ValueWChipsWTableW
bennydip21£107.80 + 30 League Points385000 WILLBEATU2£65.45 + 26 League Points0 Timo6153£46.20 + 22 League Points0 JAEGERBOMB4£38.50 + 18 League Points0 dodgydaz5£30.80 + 14 League Points0 mattblack66£26.95 + 10 League Points0 Somerled7£23.10 + 8 League Points0 jjohnny58£19.25 + 6 League Points0 Huck_Nall9£15.400 SUPERNOVA10£11.550
Good game , and well played everyone, it was a pleasure to sit with such Noblemen and Ladies !
"get in" '\o/' benny ;/
n Response to Re: Bennydip2 (X Files) "The Truth Is Out There"?:
glk
CLICK HERE
Who said, 'men are smarter than women' ?
Found on the Refrigerator One Morning :
My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset -I shall be home before midnight.
When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:
My Dear Husband,
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of maths, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.
Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow. !!
lol......Outstanding!
I was after a good ring binder the other day, and someone told me to go to WH Smith.
Turns out they don't actually sell imodium.
Mind you, is there any more nerve-racking moment for a man than attempting the first f*rt after having diahorrea?
Today I heard the news that an old school friend drowned himself in a half empty bathtub.
Such a shame - he was usually so optimistic.
I was watching that Derren Brown programme the other day. I don't see what is so special about Derren Brown predicting the lottery. I win the Nigerian lottery all the time....
I'm sporting a shiny black eye at the moment. For reference please note that when the wife/girlfriend says to you, "Don't you think Tom and rosies new baby is ugly??", replying "I still would though", is not an appropriate response.
Mind you it's not the first time she's clobbered me. When we started courting she asked me if I'd ever had s*x before.
Replying "not with people" was not a clever answer.
Before I go I thought I'd let you know that I've just been reading an article in our local paper about how we should all use public transport to reduce traffic congestion and that 1 bus takes on average 10 cars off the road. Personally, I think it depends on how aggressive the bus driver is.
Until next time,
Au Revoir