"Sit & DOHHHHHHH Diary"

unknown_username

Brilliant goin lad.May it continue long and happily.

paul

DOHHHHHHH

Thanks bignoise

We're off and running with the weekend poker. 

Theres an outside chance that the outside World may interrupt the grind again this afternoon so I have to be a little cautious with goal setting. 

Official goal for today is 3k hands at 10nl on dollar sites.

Official goal for the weekend is 8k hands at 10nl on dollar sites. 

Continuing the outside theme, very outside chance and therefore an unofficial goal of 10k hands accross the 2 days. 

Going to at least start with fewer tables in the hope it makes me play abit better so this could take a while. 

Wont update again now until I close off for the last time tonight. 

Have a good weekend all.

--- 

(PS if anyone knows how to delete a single hand from a PT4 database, can you give me instructions please. thanks)

Phantom66

GL with the weekend grind.

VWP on the sobriety.

PS What do you think of the soccer saturday boost 7/1 man city west ham and.bournemouth. Im in albeit just for the £5 free bet.

DOHHHHHHH

In Response to Re: "Sit & DOHHHHHHH Diary":

GL with the weekend grind. VWP on the sobriety. PS What do you think of the soccer saturday boost 7/1 man city west ham and.bournemouth. Im in albeit just for the £5 free bet.
Posted by Phantom66

It's the first one for a while that I really like and have bet on. 

Of course it is unlikely to win, but I think it wins more than 1 in 8, so lets punt

PS again...

shocking start at cards.

Think the poker Gods, arguably quite rightly, are trying to punish me for even moaning about breaking even.

DOHHHHHHH

Head is scrambled atm so just a quick post for results then I'll post again 'pre session' tomorrow. 

Hands on Paty = 2k exactly. Profit = - $1.42.

http://imgur.com/7y19mtQ

Hands on 888 = 2,160. Profit = + $3.35.

http://imgur.com/1U1gkbQ

Logging off tonight feeling probably as low as I ever have about my poker game. 

Tonight I just gave up. 

For the last 2 hours I've made no attempt to battle with regulars, I've just sat on 6 tables playing totally abc hoping I'm the 1 lucky nit out of the 5 of us on the table that gets the fishes money. 

I've been 1 tabling the 'beginners' tables on party alongside the soft late night 888 games, just to get out of the hole. 

It's not a nice feeling, and whilst I don't mind 'wasting time' at the micro stakes as long as I'm improving and gaining confidence, if I'm not improving, it becomes a pointless exercise. 

I could easily play £5/10 HU sngs for fun and make a fiver an hour in the process.

Something like that just has to be a better option than what I'm doing right now. 

Not going to do an idcu and make any emotional "i quit" "im leaving the grind" type posts. But definitely need to think about wether this is worth it. 

On the positives, I hit the goal again, and I will at least aim to complete the 8k hands I set out to play this weekend before making any decisions about what I'm going to do going forward. 

For now, I am dog tired, and thoroughly fed up

..... We go again tomorrow!

gn. 

----

PS. If anyone who knows me 'off forum' wants to wind me up, just say something like "omg you won and you're complaining" coz that will work a treat. 

--

PPS

I saw this on 1 of my first tables this morning. 

Would probably be the best troll of all time if it was a mate of mine or something. 

http://imgur.com/1M3A3nK

As played, excellent troll variance. 

simonnatur

Hi, congrats on taking a positive step and dumping the booze, I imagine it could well be a lot more significant than the ups and downs of poker in the grand scheme of things.

I've been watching quite a bit of a twitch streamer called mingthemerciless93. He streams 6 max cash game coaching sessions which i've found quite useful. Would be interested to know what you thought of him if you get a chance to look.

DOHHHHHHH

Thanks Simon. 

No I havent seen Ming before, but the goals this week will be to play less poker and study alot more, so if he's doing some micro coaching for free I will be sure to have a look. Any idea wat times he usually streams? 

------

Done!

That was the hardest grind everrrrrrrrrrr. 

I woke this morning feeling ok, knowing I needed another 4k hands to hit the weekend goal of 8k. 

Played a short session, then took a break, believing everything was under control.

Watched the merseyside derby, had dinner. 

Then crashed. 

Thought a quick nap would sort me out, but 3 hours later I woke up. 

doh. 

Grinded most of the last 8 hours with only a few 5 minute breaks,the last 2/3 of which I've been running on empty. 

I'm tired, im dizzy, my eyes are watering, my neck is making involuntary movements, but I got there. 

This was the last hand of the session....

jeb5000 posts small blind [$0.05]

KEVINTRU posts big blind [$0.10]

** Dealing down cards **

Dealt to DOHHHHHHH24 [ 9d, 9h ]

DOHHHHHHH24 raises [$0.30]

Sometime998 folds

marcelpel folds

jeb5000 folds

KEVINTRU calls [$0.20]

** Dealing flop ** [ 6c, 6d, 2h ]

KEVINTRU checks

DOHHHHHHH24 bets [$0.34]

KEVINTRU raises [$0.85]

DOHHHHHHH24 folds

When he click raises me I leant back in my chair, put my hands on my head, sighed, and thought u know what I just can't be bothered to think this through, f it im done!  

JUST BLOODY HAVE IT! 

------

8k hands over the 2 days. 

4.097 on party, + $12.16     http://imgur.com/xXJfNsc

3,915 on 888, +$39.55    http://imgur.com/sePgYCI

Total = 8,012, + $51.71 

-----

Roll = £1104.56

Tikay10

Morning JJ,

Is this really how you want to spend a Sunday? Is this really the best use of your time, is this you really enjoying your hobby?

"Grinded most of the last 8 hours with only a few 5 minute breaks,the last 2/3 of which I've been running on empty. 

I'm tired, im dizzy, my eyes are watering, my neck is making involuntary movements, but I got there"

Sorry bud, but that makes no sense to me. If you were making £300 per day, or loving the whole experience, well yeah, maybe, but to end up tired, dizzy, eyes watering, & having neck spasms? You are doing yourself harm man. No wonder you end up so tired all the time.  
 
I don't want to be the miserable old so & so who rains on your parade, but when poker gets you like that you need to step back for a few days & have a think.
 
   

DOHHHHHHH

Morning TK, another Mondayyyyyy

I see what you mean. 

I set out this weekend to push myself hard. 

Underneath everything I'm doing here in poker (and other recent lifestyle changes) there is ulterior motive. 

Alot of the stuff I'm doing doesn't look on the outside to make much sense, but everything I do is aimed to rehabilitate my body and mind after 5/6 years of doing literally nothing but drink, and recover from the effects of drinking.

Exercise, outdoor activity, social interaction, poker, without alcohol are 4 of the key areas that I'm prioritising to try and improve, and to do that it means pushing myself harder and harder all the time. 

When I first stopped drinking, 150ish days ago I couldn't do 1 minute of very moderate (walking) physical activity without needing to lie down for an hour, couldn't go out or even answer the door without severe anxiety/panic attacks, never really spoke to anyone aside from immediate family, and couldn't play poker without a drink for longer than 10 minutes without feeling very ill. 

This weekend I've spent a full day out exploring the delights of Barsnley Town centre, and completed an aggregate of around 18 hours poker. 

Everything I do I see as 'money in the bank'.

I didn't particuarly want to get up at 7 after 4 hours sleep and trek aimlessly round Barnsley on a Friday, but I know it's good for me to do so. 

I didn't particuarly want to grind myself into the ground till 3am last night and then lie in bed with the room spinning for hours afterways, but I'm hoping it will be good long term for me to do so. 

I often refer to it jokingly to friends as 'life rehab'. as that's kind of what it is. 

I hit rock bottom in so many aspects of life, and I'm trying to improve them all at the same time, and it's really difficult as they all impact eachother, and of course are all made 100x harder when feeling rubbish which is what held me back for so long (and is still doing so).

I had some professional help last summer. 

My experiences with various different councillers and health professionals I must admit wasn't very good. 

I absolutely hate having a go at good people trying their best to help me for free, but I have to be honest and say that I was in a very very bad way and I received very little help. 

1 thing that did stick from that time though was a thing called exposure therapy. 

It's a pretty simple theory, whereby we expose ourself to new things that make us feel uncomfortable (something as simple as sitting in the back garden, or answering the door), and put our bodies through unpleasant experiences. 

We keep doing this, and gradually the body re-adjusts to begin to be able to cope with them. 

Once we are comfortable, we increase the level exposure etc until we are fully re-habilitated. 

I've been 'self coaching' myself in multiple areas of life using this theory. 

(finally linking this back to your post now......)

This weekend was another example of me increasing my exposure in the poker environment. 

I pushed myself harder than I have done before (admittedly maybe a little too far, the last hour and then the 2 hours immediately after were very distressing). 

That 'work' is now banked, and hopefully my mind and body will be better for it long term. 

I do agree though, I'm not trying to justify something which was 'too much', because I've barely slept overnight which will cost me any sort of productivity today and maybe tomorrow, and I did risk the experience becoming so bad that it actually knocks me back, something I have to be very weary of with exposure therapy as it's designed to be a VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV slow process. 

^^^^ Essay.  

To go back to the jigsaw puzzle analogy I used a few weeks ago, I've challenged myself, I struggled alot during the challenge, with lots of negative emotion, but because it was a really stiff test, the rewards and satisfaction of coming through the other side are great. 

You'll be pleased to hear there are 0 (zero) poker goals today. 

All goals for Tuesday and Wednesday will be aimed at study (groan) and exercise. 

The next structured poker grind will be Thursday. 

----

I have a couple of fun hands I may post later today, 1 fun story from an 888 webcam table on Saturday night, and may play a few fun MTTs (groan again) tonight to relax and throw some chips around carelessly for once , but aside from that, poker grind content is gg in here for a few days. 

Best of luck all on the grind this week. 

Tikay10

^^^^

Yup, good stuff JJ, & I get all that. I do. Appreciate the honest explanation. It all makes sense.
 
I won't bang on about it, & I know I've probably made a few enemies already (what's new?) by speaking my mind as I did.

Anyway, whatever - please don't go to those extremes again. It is NOT healthy, whatever way you look at it.

DOHHHHHHH

Nooooo, I can't see why anyone would not want you to speak your mind. I certainly do appreciate it. 

I always genuinely appreciate every reply I get on here, particuarly after posts such as the one above where it's abit 'deep' and no replies for hours makes me a little nervous

If I saw someone post something similar to what I wrote last night, without an explanation as to why they'd do such a thing, I'd like to hink I'd have questioned it too. 

And besides, theres always the consolation that a break even rakeback pro @ 200nl on stars has spent 20 hours grinding this weekend and lost 4 grand. 

So my measley +$50 with almost 0 risk of losing more than $50 or something doesn't look so bad

------

Anyway, less deep shizzle, more weirdness from the 888 webcam game.....

It's about 10pm Saturday night, I'm new to the table. 

I can see from the cams of a couple of players that they're talking to eachother, so I mute kisstory and turn on the table sound to hear what they're saying. 

It's a Geordie talking to an Irishman. 

Turns out they are discussing the events at the table. 

As they are happening

The first major hand involved both. 

I 3bet an Irishman open, and get cold 4bet by the Geordie.

Irishman folds. 

I shove all in. 

Geordie is talking to Irishman whilst deciding wether to call or fold. 

"I have King Ace" says the Geordie. "But he's got Kings or Aces"

Call. 

"See I told you he had Aces"

(that's ok, lets just do T J Q flop)

River K for DOH 1 time, and the 88% equity hand chopping feels like a win. #storyofmyweekend. 

....

On we go....

They're talking about pulling techniques now, with an Irishman tale interrupted when the Geordie opens UTG and says

 

"shush shush shush, I've got a dirty hand. Well not a dirty hand but its decent"

The Irishman says "ok I will finish the story after this hand ill let you concentrate"

This is abit bizarre for me, as for the first time, they're talking about a hand I'm involved in, as it happens. 

I have pocket 3s in the small blind.

Call, right?

Flop = JJ3r. 

Our Geordie friend cbets 10c into $10 (another caller pre flop folds and its me v him)

"Have you hit that flop?" asks the Irishman.

"oh man like you wouldn't believe. You have no idea" replies the Geordie. 

I have a horrible feeling here. 

I raise. Our friend Calls. $3 in the pot. 

Turn is a blank 7. 

I lead. I know he has at least 3 jacks, why wouldn't I. 

He calls. 

"Oh My god" claims the Geordie. "This guy is crazy I'm going to stack him" (referring I assume, to me)

"hold on though he had aces last time" replied the Irishman. 

"Yeh but watch this...." the Geordie responded. 

I'm actually feeling really frickin sick now. 

Genuinely considering check/folding 33 on JJ378

I have a pot sized bet left. 

I give my head a wobble, and shove. 

Mr Geordie snap calls, and rolls over the inevitable pocket jacks. 

-----

Probably the most bizarre hand I've ever played. 

Raises a talking point I guess, something I didn't even consider at the time, or after. I've just thought about it now. 

What would you do re the talking on the game?

They never revealed their hand, just gave away massive tells about their likely holdings. 

Would you have told them? 

I mean they are aware their audio is on as that's how they are communicating with eachother. 

Is it bad form to take advantage? (or at least try to)

Maybe I got what I deserved !

 

unknown_username

hey dohhh play the DTD and just chill brother,get well soon,its not very nice seeing you like this

GELDY

Pushing through the pain barrier to develop yourself

I buy that

Short term unhealthy

Yep also

Long term tradeoff tough to say

I guess it depends on how much the short term negatives risk giving you a bigger setback. If a lot then be very careful, if not then why not go for it from time to time. Just make sure you build in plenty of recovery time after the challenge. 

All imho ofc, I'm no expert on things like this. 

Phantom66

Hi Doh.

I think I get this. Correct me if I am wrong.

At the moment you are focusing on setting targets - and you seem to be achieving them, the 150 days being the most important of all, but the spending a day outside, going to a footie match, saying you will play 8000 hands and getting there are all very important to you.

To us looking in achieving 8000 hands just because you set that target is a bad thing when to get there you are feeling bad about your poker and are physically affected during/after.

I am sure you feel better overall for hitting your target than you would if you had convinced yourself to quit after 4000 hands.

I do of course see Tikays viewpoint as well and I do wonder, an 8k w/e seemed a big step up from your earlier grind targets?

Maybe stick to batches of 2k and stretch that when it is starting to feel more comfortable?

Tikay10

Agree with everyone really, including Doh.

And no, I'm not an expert, by any means.
 
But this is deffo a step too far, whatever the ulterior motive.  


"I'm tired, im dizzy, my eyes are watering, my neck is making involuntary movements, but I got there"

MAXALLY

Morning JJ. You know I have your best interests at heart and I honestly and genuinely wish you well....but as this diary has turned a bit deep, I will try to pull it back round by mentioning the mundane stuff....;)

Snooker?......who did you end up watching, and who hit a century break? I love watching the game and I will be hopefully  going Sheffield next April to do so.

A big well done too fella on the knocking on the head the drinking. Big respect for that. 

DOHHHHHHH

In Response to Re: "Sit & DOHHHHHHH Diary":

Morning JJ. You know I have your best interests at heart and I honestly and genuinely wish you well....but as this diary has turned a bit deep, I will try to pull it back round by mentioning the mundane stuff....;) Snooker?......who did you end up watching, and who hit a century break? I love watching the game and I will be hopefully  going Sheffield next April to do so. A big well done too fella on the knocking on the head the drinking. Big respect for that. 
Posted by MAXALLY

Hi Alan, yeh it is a tad weird talking about non-poker stuff recently, but meh.  What's the worst that can happen. 

The centurion at the snooker was Anthony Mcgill, up against James Wattanna. 

Others in action included Ebdon, Dott, Poomjeang, Joyce, Steadman, and alot of unknown (to me) Asian 'kids'.

Of course the star attraction was Desislava Bozhilova. (yep, the C&P tool was utilised)

It was quite surreal between sessions, there were snooker players walking about everywhere in the foyer. It just seemed really casual, no real sense of occasion or anything, just pretty chilled out. 

The crucible I'd imagine is a totally different ball game though. 

It's often really tense/nail biting watching through the TV, so to actually be there watching the real big guns on the greatest stage of all must be an awesome experience, I will be making an effort to get to a morning session myself. 

Might have to dig the old cue out sometime too  

DOHHHHHHH

Appreciate the posts @Geldy & phantom. 

As usual you both talk alot of sense. 

It's all abit hit & miss/trial and error at the moment. It was abit too far, and I've learnt for next time. 

I certainly didn't plan to grind 8 hours straight, it was kind of forced onto me by the unexpected long afternoon nap. Maybe next time I'll get ahead of the game, plan my time better, extend grinds when I feel good so as to not leave myself in a situation where its "breaking point or fail"

'Next time' is a long way away though, remember this was a 1 off. It's not 'standard' 

I'm arlight today, I'm very very tired, but what's new. 

Hopefully i'll see the benefits in the not so distant future.  'No pain, no gain' and all that. 

 

Sky_JP

I feel like my post was a bit of a disappointment now. Hours of anticipation on your part, just to see that I had said "well done".

I thought the same as Tikay when I first your post on the weekend, but after reading your explanation, it's brought a comparison to exercise to mind.

I can't really offer any meaningful advice, as I rarely play that many hands a month, and exercise even less(any tips Tikay?), but I'd avoid pushing yourself too far!

At the same time, congratulations for getting there - really good effort.

Also, please don't feel the need to tame your posts!

simonnatur

re: Ming   he seems to stream most weekdays late evenings. You can get an email when he goes on line if you follow him here : http://www.twitch.tv/mingthemerciless93

I wasn't necessarily suggesting him as a coach, though I believe he offers discounted rates for sessions that he streams. I just find the videos of him coaching others quite useful in themselves. Also if you subscribe which is about a fiver a month with no contract you can view all his past broadcasts, which include several classes on specific strategic concepts.

Sorry if this all sounds spammy, but I was just interested in what someone else thought of him.

DOHHHHHHH

Thanks Simon, just tuning in now. 

First impressions are really good! 

Thanks for the tip off.

What I want to guard against when it comes to study is some guy basically saying how micro stakes are easy, and you just have to play abc, bet big, dont bluff etc. 

v regulars I don't think that's the case at all. 

We all know how to beat fish. 

I want someone to show me how to beat some 16/13 Ukranian guy who gets stacked once a week when it's quads over quads. 

Learn me Ming!!!!!!!!!

DOHHHHHHH

I've just questioned wether he should be telling his student what to do in game. 

He told me anyone who has a problem with it can lick his A hole as it's his stream, his rules, and he can do whatever the F he wants. 

"I can't even play on F^in bovada. Why should I give a sh!!"

Well that told me!

He leaves that part out of his bio. 

"coaching available for $50 per hour. Session includes lectures of pre and post flop concepts, as well as a recording full of evidence which can and should be reported to the poker site to force closure of your account and, if the site has any sort of integrity, result in a permanant ban" 

Pay by cheque or bank Xfer. 

simonnatur

Glad you found it worthwhile, I'm a little conflcted about passing on what i think is a good resource for obv reasons.

Think your expectations are a little unrealistic about the Ukrainian guy, besides he's probably got problems enough already

F_Ivanovic

Enjoying your updates Dohhh! re. earlier and the long post about counselling. As I've mentioned in my diary in the past I've suffered from depression on and off for a while. I've had 2 failed attempts at counselling (it was CBT) where I did 2 out of 6 sessions both times and then forgot to turn up 3rd session both times and just never went back. I thought it didn't help that much but then I didn't complete the course either. Keep meaning to go back but it'll take a while just to get an appointment. I'm a bit miffed that these places don't at least try to chase you up though. I mean if they'd rang after I missed my 3rd session and arranged to make another one I'd probably have completed it now. 

re. beating nits: It's genuinely just not that easy. It's why I quit playing Holdem cash seriously... I'll play to get in volume and points but don't really expect to beat the game all that well. When I have played Holdem cash these days and I'm facing a table full of nits/reg's I like to open all unopened pots with a m-r with a high % of hands. My c-bet/turn/3barrel % are quite low vs these opponents too in general mostly cause I have such a wide range and them so narrow by the time we see a flop that it's burning money for you to just c-bet and barrel a ton like I used too. It's boring and not pretty and your w-r still won't be that big but it's definitely possible to beat it.

PRees

I don't see why you don't just print money at low/medium stake MTTs. That's where the idiots are these days.

Try Ginseng to increase energy levels, start with something light like ginseng tea and go to the relatively hardcore tablets if it doesn't work.

You have another gambling speciality (cricket) try and make money from that too - you obviously have a lot of transferrable skills like BRM and finding value. Set aside a modest BR and try for a 10% ROI over the winter series' - shop around for prices of course!

PRees

Furthermore, you should be expecting the unreal variance at MTTs so your confidence shouldn't be affected by a load of bad beats and coolers.

Also if you bust a lot early then so what, if you go deep and have a chance to win a decent amount - the adrenaline should over ride the fatigue??

tomgoodun

Hi Mr JJ, I hope you are well today,I appreciate the honesty in your posts. I hope you don't mind me giving my two pennerth.

I think Mr.K has got it spot on, i too am no expert but I have gone through testing times in my life, we are here for but a brief time on this planet and to do things which our body and mind pretty much scream at us "no more" seems to me a tad extreme.

You have started on the path of recovery and a huge congrats for that, and I can only speak for myself here so please don't take offence, the first step as they say is admitting we have a problem, I guess you have done that? I personally cannot get through the day without talking to or getting in contact with those closest to me, I have had a great deal of help from my family, may I ask who is giving you help. The mind is a very tricky little thing, one minute we are up, someone says the smallest thing, we take it the wrong way and are demoralised and it is easy for the mind to trick us into believing "Is it worth it" and slip into our old ways, I hope you have things in place which will stop this happening my good man.

For me poker is a sideline from real life and one to be enjoyed, I may be wrong but it seems you are making it so difficult to enjoy and it would be a shame for poker to be the reason you make yourself unwell.

I have tried differing therapeutic routes, the one that helped the most was one which maybe would be very difficult for your present anxiety level which involved meetings,the beauty of those was the fact that we are not alone and it wasn't only me who thought like I did. Also the spotlight wasn't on me and I could just sit and listen if I chose to.

I will leave it there, I ramble I do wish you all the best and well done once again for your abstinence..keep it up.

DOHHHHHHH

In Response to Re: "Sit & DOHHHHHHH Diary":

 it'll take a while just to get an appointment. I'm a bit miffed that these places don't at least try to chase you up though. I
Posted by F_Ivanovic

Morning Ivan. 

The highlighted bit, unfortunately, sounds exactly like my experience. 

It was around 3 months after my initial dialogue with the doctor that I got to talk to someone. And even then, I had to ring to find out what was happening, and low and behold 2 days after that phone call something happened. 

As far as I knew I was just on a waiting list, how long would it have gone on for?

I also remember questioning wether it was normal for it to be so chilled out. Like am I expected to do the chasing about to try and get to see someone worth seeing? 

I don't say that in the "omg they expect me to help myself how dare they???" type of tone. 

Please don't read it like that as that sounds awful. 

But the implications of the symptoms of the illness are a lack of energy, motivation and willingness to even get out of bed, nevermind take the initiative of making forward steps to get out of the seemingly impossible hole.

The illness is not wanting to help yourself! At least that's how I felt. It just seems abit backwards to me. 

At the time I remember likening it to a patient recovering from 2 broken legs being expected to walk to the surgery for continued treatment. 

I know there will be tonnes of people in the same boat, maybe not as bad. In some cases, maybe alot worse. 

Alot of these people will be struggling day in day out and not know what to do about it. 

My concern for them is when they do take a forward step, and ask for help from a medical professional, who proceed to refer them around different organisations for months before anything happens, what happens to the mindset then? 

I have no idea how easy it is to qualify for and get a job in this kind of sector but it's something I'd definitely be interested in doing in the long term. 

I can't think of many more 'potentially' rewarding jobs if it's something you're good at  

DOHHHHHHH

In Response to Re: "Sit & DOHHHHHHH Diary":

Hi Mr JJ, I hope you are well today,I appreciate the honesty in your posts. I hope you don't mind me giving my two pennerth. I think Mr.K has got it spot on, i too am no expert but I have gone through testing times in my life, we are here for but a brief time on this planet and to do things which our body and mind pretty much scream at us "no more" seems to me a tad extreme. You have started on the path of recovery and a huge congrats for that, and I can only speak for myself here so please don't take offence, the first step as they say is admitting we have a problem, I guess you have done that? I personally cannot get through the day without talking to or getting in contact with those closest to me, I have had a great deal of help from my family, may I ask who is giving you help. The mind is a very tricky little thing, one minute we are up, someone says the smallest thing, we take it the wrong way and are demoralised and it is easy for the mind to trick us into believing "Is it worth it" and slip into our old ways, I hope you have things in place which will stop this happening my good man. For me poker is a sideline from real life and one to be enjoyed, I may be wrong but it seems you are making it so difficult to enjoy and it would be a shame for poker to be the reason you make yourself unwell. I have tried differing therapeutic routes, the one that helped the most was one which maybe would be very difficult for your present anxiety level which involved meetings,the beauty of those was the fact that we are not alone and it wasn't only me who thought like I did. Also the spotlight wasn't on me and I could just sit and listen if I chose to. I will leave it there, I ramble I do wish you all the best and well done once again for your abstinence..keep it up.
Posted by tomgoodun

Hi Tom, I always appreciate your contributions

Couldn't agree more with the 2nd bolded part. I've asked myself many times over the last few months "is it worth it?".

Truth is my main motivation for change are the people around me. I know this goes against all the advice people give, "if you're not doing it for you, it wont work" etc, bla bla. 

But it's worked so far. 

So each time there is tempation to slip back into old ways (normally on a day I feel particuarly tired, and spend most of it sleeping) I just remind myself of the positive impact my attempted change is having on people around me who I care about who themselves are going through particuarly testing times recently. 

Is this method/mindset sustainable? Probably not. 

But if/when I start to feel better, things might change. 

This is why I keep banging on about feeling overly tired all the time.

I've been to my first Yorkshire cricket and Donny football games for like 6 years recently and spent the whole time yawning and wishing I was back home in bed. 

It really is pretty brutal at times, and makes things really hard to enjoy. 

So yeh, often think 'what's the point?'. 

There's been a very slight improvement with the tablets recently, there are less days when I'm totally zonked, but I'm still wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy below par

Just have to stick with it I guess, give them every chance to work.

PMA

As for support, believe it or not this thread is proving quite helpful. 

I probably would still be putting off contacting the doctor re the tiredness if it wasn't for nudges on here, particuarly posts from yourself, Geldy and stokefc iirc. 

I'm also in a 'poker group', which sounds pretty sad but the topic of conversation in there is normally anything but poker. On the rare occasions I'm feeling particuarly down on a bad day I can talk about it in there and normally get good advice/re-assurance etc. 

I could do with some more bloody energy though, being able to enjoy things I used to love doing wouldn't half help me out!

Which leads me on to Mr Rees' post........

Ginseg.

I've never heard of it? 

A quick google and it sounds like it's worth a shot. 

Ginseng Tea purchasedddd  tyty sir. Using the 1 time on it helping again.

If it works I'll take your advice and play some MTT sessions, but due to the time commitments of MTTs I can't really play them at the mo. Often I plan to play for a few hours but have to quit inside 1, so MTTs are a no go for now. 

You're right though, there wouldn't be any confidence issues at the micro stakes MTTs, it's a format I've played and been successful in very recently, unlike the cash games I'm battling in atm

-----

Goallllll for today. 

Minimum of 90 minutes poker study. 

Do 'some' proper structured Xercise. 

Stay awake

------

GLGL all playing today. 

Tikay10

Bit of a delicate - or indelicate - question this, but here goes.....

You talk of problems motivating yourself to do things - get out of bed, go out, whatever.

Have you ever had a real job, a proper day job? If not, have you considered getting a job?

The thing with a job is that it motivates us, gives us focus in our life, gives us a reason to get up, earns us money, & the chance to do well at that job & be successful, give us some self-esteem & pride if we do it well. Self-esteem is a good thing.  

And when we have a job, poker - in our recreational time - is 10 times more fun.
 
Apologies if the question is inappropriate, but it's well-intended.