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Blimey, that Tikay don't half talk a lot of smack sometimes:
"Pat Walsh? Understood. People can come across badly online sometimes, just because well written communication does not come easily to many of us. Real life is the test, & I met him recently. Such as one can tell from a brief encounter, he ticked all the boxes for me -a firm handshake, ready smile, & good eye-contact. Those three things are a great litmus-test of a person's character, & I think he's a good egg."
(From the Ask Tikay thread p.230).
Don't worry, I put him right on p.232 ;-)
Our perception and deviating from our life path
A strong title, but stay with me on this one. I believe as we grow older, our perception of things ultimately changes. When we're young, a toy car may be our most valuable commodity - At that age, we may believe school to be the worst thing in the world. As we grow older (and somewhat wiser), we may start to take less for granted. We may begin to give the simple things in life the most value - such as the bliss of a carefree walk in the park with family or a loved one.
For me personally, Poker has had a strong influence on my perception of the world. Speaking of one of the many positive impacts it's had on me. I feel as though I've built a big tolerance to many negative things in life. After taking hundreds of breathtakingly bad beats on the river, aggravating things such as inconveniences, incompetence and inconsiderate people; all becomes considerably more bearable. Rarely do I find myself getting angry over things, that would previously have made me 'flip'. Don't get me wrong, I'm hardly the Dalai Lama. But looking back, emotionally - I've come a long way.
Speaking of negative things, Poker has warped my perception of money. It's far too easy to spend a month's hard earned winnings when you hadn't had to endure back breaking, 12 hour shifts, 6am starts, to earn it. Furthermore, when I'm playing, I trust my read 100%. I'm not afraid to go busto via a bluff-fishspewmonkey hand, if my reads tell me to check shove my 3rd pair on the river. (Interestingly I believe this fearlessness to be both of my weakest, and strongest qualities as a Poker player - At the end of the day, if you can't trust yourself, who can you trust?)
Just last week, it was this very fearlessness that cost me. For weeks I'd been railing the £300+ games on Sky. I watched as the regulars bumhunted unknown players. With the confidence that a successful month brings, and a soft £2/£4 game running, I took the plunge. I bought into that cash game for the most I ever had in my life. What proceeded, put me into a state of shock.
It's funny, I've always felt as though everything I've done in life has lead me to where I am today. That everything eventually falls into place and that all the negativity we face along the way is for a reason. Sooner or later, the number of times I've tried and fallen short, just becomes meaningless - Because in the end, I get to where I need to be. Relate this very concept to yourself. How many times did things not work out for you? At the time you were upset or even devastated, but eventually you can see that it was a blessing that for whatever reason it didn't happen
After losing a £900 pot to a lucky river card in that £2/£4 game, something reminded me to review a Poker pros 'well'. For those of you familiar with him, it's Phil Galfond (OMGClayAiken on FTP) So I did, and this is an extract: "Around that time I took the occasional shot here and there at 25/50 on FTP. I found one huge fish who loved to play me. I ended up playing him at 50/100 and ran terribly. I remember one hand where I reraised his minraise to 900 with KQo. He called. I bet like 1400 on the flop of 632r, he called. Turn 3o, I checked. He potted for like 4800 or whatever with 4500 behind. He was floating flops a lot and playing.... basically I was sure he wouldn't play a strong hand that way. I shoved for his last 4500. He tanked forever and called with 1 sec left and KJo. Valuetown!!!!!! J river..... I lost about half my roll that summer, mostly to that one fish... I stepped back and grinded 5/10 for a long time. I won a bunch and slowly moved up. The next time that I took a shot at 25/50 and 50/100, it stuck, and I played big ever since. That was a little over a year ago I think. I've had up and downs since, but nothing else super notable in my journey to where I am now."
For now, those uncharacteristically suicidal shots into big games are put on hold. As I play DYM by DYM, not only slowly rebuild my damaged roll, but rebuilding my equally damaged ego. I keep reminding myself, that everyday I'm improving, everyday I'm becoming more insightful. Losing that £900 pot on the river was meant to be. Next time I'll be smart about it and start at a level I'm comfortable at. It can take 100 setbacks, but it just takes one breakthrough. For now, I'm a 19 year old dreaming of what possibilities lay before me - hopefully one day soon, I can turn those dreams into a reality.
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Patwalshh
I admire both the sentiment and your "cajones".
You'll get there Kid.
GL
Unlucky with 'the shot'
Just a suggestion, why not do it 'live' next time?
You're comfortable in that enviroment and will have better fundamentals than many in the game.
Dym graph is a bit special for the last month!
Jac
gl
This is going to be a fairly in-depth post about my experiences with searching for happiness. By no means does it mean that everything here is right or that you'll even agree with a single word I say. All I can ask is that you read it with an open mind, and most importantly an open heart. If you think I'm talking a load of s***, that's completely fine - At the end of the day, we learn the most from our differences, not from our similarities.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAsV5-Hv-7U
"This is your life. Do what you love and do it often. If you don't like something, change it"
This is your life - Learn to love it
In my relatively short life, I feel that I've been truly blessed. I've had support from a loving family, made great relationships with others and travelled all over the world. I've attended good schools, achieved good exam results. I've held notable positions on successful sports teams. I've been fortunate enough to have had food on my plate, financial backing and shelter over my head from the day I was born. Shockingly all of this and had you asked me a year ago, 2 years ago, 5 years ago, if I was genuinely happy - I'd have looked you in the eye and said no.
After giving it endless though, I believe that it all boils down to the fact that I wasn't happy with myself. I firmly believe that if you don't accept yourself and who you are, you won't truly be happy with others, your surroundings or even your life - No matter how great it seems on the outside to your peers. I previously walked around as if I had a chip on my shoulder and felt as though the world owed me something.
So what's the major difference between now, and then? The truth is that gradually over time, I have come to accept that like everyone else, I have my faults and I have bad days. At some point, I'll do or say something stupid or uncharacteristic. I'll be off with others. However, my greatest breakthrough came with gradually forgiving myself for these mistakes. I believe that if you get too caught up in the past, it will drag you down in the future.
Once I realised that I make mistakes. I truly realised that others inevitably will too. "Forgiveness is giving up being a victim. It turns 'poor me' into 'free me'. Happiness dwells in a loving heart and a healed past." By no means does this mean that I'm glad bad things have happened to me in my past. However, being able to accept such things, and move on from them has taken a heavy burden off my shoulders.
Once I began to find happiness within self-acceptance, I stopped searching for the biggest thrills or the greatest highs. I began to find true joy in the simplest things in life. For the first time in my life I became truly grateful for the luxuries in my life, a roof over my head, food on the table - perhaps most importantly, my relationship with family and others. "Life is about the people you meet, and the things you create with them."
To put this into materialistic terms, although a well paid job is something I aim for, it's by no means my main goal in life. If I had the choice between a high-flying successful career, that by the age of 40 didn't make me happy, and a minimum wage job that did - I'd snap decide the latter. At the end of the day, from my own experience, you can't buy relationships with others, you can't buy happiness and you definitely can't buy self-acceptance. Although I believe money may make it easier to be happy in life, it's only a small factor in the mix that is happiness.
This summary I found concludes everything I believe in almost perfectly:
"In life, much as in Poker, we are constantly getting dealt a fresh hand. What has come before and what is yet to come is irrelevant, except in the way it informs our current decision - which we should always strive to make to the very best of our abilities. Try to make the best decision, at every chance, at the Poker table and in life. And moreover, be as happy as you can in the now, don't fret about the future or dwell on the past with regret, savour and be as present as possible for every precious, miraculous moment in this fleeting life"
Thank you for taking the time for reading my post. A few of the ideas were helped to be put onto paper thanks to a couple very helpful and insightful pages I've previously stumbled across:
http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/38/small-stakes-pl-omaha/1500th-post-poker-life-extremely-tl-dr-1069907/
http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/8-steps-to-true-happiness/
Any comments and opinions are appreciated.
All the best.
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Patwalshh