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G force applied warp factor 5 mission in progress.!
OMG IM SO GLAD I MISSED IT, WELL I WAS A BIT BUSY TAKING THE WIFE TO HEAVEN
next time i may see you on your return, nah we will have been there and back,
LET US KNOW IF YOU ACHIEVE YOUR MISSION
tee hee
LOL
The Blue Planet is far behind us now and all crew members are learning Dalek and Klingon.
i dont think im a trailblazer so i set fire to the trail.
i checked with my uni, and yes i have a degree in being unhelpfull, uncaring and being useless ( 3 As )
and 2Bs in selfishness and arrogance,i think i would be perfectly suited for your next mission.
but i think i can bring more to the mission as im HANDSOME SAUVE, SMOOTH, DEBONAIR ,SOPHISTICATED, SLIM ,TRIM , TERRIFIC, ALL ROUND GOOD EGG AND FUN TO BE WITH AT PARTIES.
but alas im very shy, so i dont tell anyone.
and to think i thought my degrees were useless,i knew that athsma would need my skills at some stage.
was it my polite way of talking to people or my modesty that swung it ????? i can imagine that out of the thousands of candidates for this position that my C.V. must have been outstanding.
now i will have to start to recriut employees for the mill, BUT WHAT DO WE MAKE???????
paper,steel ?? make sure that you give me this info so that i can get the proper people to man the mill
this way they will never be desperate again
ive had my first applicant, and i think hes perfect.
he has a masters degrees in narcasism,bigotry and a BA in ignorance.
hes usless to the enth degree, laziness is his middle name,could we ask for anyone more suited to the job ????
So ive started him as assistant manager. waiting on the next person who thinks he can measure up.
i tried to support dooohhhhh, but alas he couldnt rise to the occasion. dont you think that cliff is a little young ???and as hes a batchelor boy im kinda worried about him.and garry who ??? i think you should leave the choice of staff to me.ive heard that uranus may be too large for our needs,so a smaller rounder planet such as pluto would be better suited,and get the characters we need to set up a holding station.
STAFF LIST SO FAR
me, and someone called ghengis mc cann, alexander the not bad,richard the cat heart
ive had to reject a guy called BRUTUS he was a bit of a back stabber, but VLAD the impellor is now on the team
Bleep Bleep Bleep ------------------------------------------ Lightbulb moment.! "We need more Astroladies".?
aahh astroladies is it ????? well that will be easy,most women walk around with their heads in the clouds anyway.
John wayne had the grit but alas hes on another trip,but sammy davies jnr has agreed to be our pilot.
i have it on good advice that jack nicholson and tom criuse can be recriuted to be good men.
however ghengis mc cann passed the test after drinking 15 pints of the said beverage and passed the breath test but failed on the pogo stick, when VLAD showed him a different way of using it. at present im scouring our antipodean register to see if there are any potential crew members.
ive interviewed a couple of "ladies" and i agree that it would be better, i gave them a shopping voucher and they were over the moon, so that would reduce the fuel load on our journey over uranus on the way to pluto.
ive discovered why pipers walk when they play the pipes, TO GET AWAY FROM THE F ECKIN NOISE
Are you aware the Astroladies will require WC seats to be left down during take off , flight, and landing. Any miss directed splashes on the seats by men to lazy to lift the seat and return it, will be added to their drinking water supply. Its known as getting your own back or peeing into the wind. If you agree and still wish to be eligible for this mission then you have passed the first test. Well done.!!
my mum would be so proud of me now, ive passed a test.
but being squeezed by sweaty armpits, and blowing down someones pipe, and making screeching cat noises, ???????????? could be a job for our ASTROLADIES.
we have tried tossing our cabbers,and yes even up the pass,ageways.but to no avail.
we did try the casting couch,but all our applicants were hungry,and needed taken out to eat and drink before they became compliant.and as far as the toilet seat is concerned, gravity will ensure its safe enplacement in the down position, however, most of our LADY applicants did not want to sucumb to the forces of gravity. but all of the male people did. ( i have no idea why )
IVAN ( the quite bad,) has told me he has a new strategy,our new forward base could be in uranus, were sending a probe to see if there is a soft spot, it may not be receptive to our first contact, but ????????????????????????????????????????????
Hal 2000 has been a naughty boy switching off life support systems and jeopardizing the hole mission we are in the process of shutting him down and he's crying like a baby. Typical male. tut tut
Bleep Bleep Bleep ---------------------
having read your report about uranus,i dont think it would be a suitable place to send a probe.
we have tried prepping it with something called H,but we had a bad encounter with some KLINGONS.
VLAD had an idea that if we were to cover uranus with cloth it may help, but no matter which coulor we used uranus still looked big.we are still trying to recriut astroladies,but they cant agree on a coulor scheme for the uniform.Ghengis mc cann,alexander" the not bad" have a cunning plan for the future, no details have been given yet, but im assured its very cunning, further info to be posted soon.
BLEEP BLEEP
WE HAVE A PROBLEM.
i went into the sleeping quarters, there were cloths spread all over the place, and noboby had anything clean to wear. even worse when i went to the kitchen, NO FOOD.
were having a staff meeting to work out why this is happening.
Also in the living quarters, there was dirty dishes spread on the tables, the floor and even on the television.
i think i must be turning into a vampire, i looked in the mirror, and could just see a reflection,couldnt make out if it was me or not.
it maybe that weve hit a strange space/time differential but im not sure.
SEE IF YOU CAN HELP OR EVEN ADVISE US ON HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS PROBLEM.
Can I help certainly ------------------------sending Cruise Missile put your fingers in your ears. I said your ears.! What ever.?
Bleep Bleep Bleep ----------------------
ha i knew he would fall into our trap.i told you that we had a cunning plan, we caught wind of the nasty branson plan, so thats why we had to APPEAR to be so slovenly,the man himself came and tried to recriut us to man his mission,and offered us money to come onto his team.VLAD made sure that there wont be any virgin astroladies,and he will have to change the name of his company.but we did allow sammy davis jnr to sign on as his pilot. V.S.S will stand for very slow ship,as weve set back his first flight by years.
Now to the problems at hand, the full crew list and where the forward base should be situated.
i dont think uranus will be a suitable site, even when we covered it, it was big, and in bad light it looked huge.
so no matter what material,or any coulor it was just BIG.
all the crew agree that because they will be away from human contact for some considerable time,and that you as our leader should supply us with an insparational speech, something to inspire the troops as they toil in these dark and lonely times.
BLEEP BLEEP