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THE CHURCH OF DAZLER

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  • candicandi
    edited August 2009
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER:
    lol....Candi.....CANDIIIIII....bring ur whip, we got a job for you....lol
    Posted by annie_duke
    Lol Annie...... i am excited.....better go to confession!
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  • candicandi
    edited August 2009
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER:
    LOL you may have to perform an exorcism before my head spins around and i projectile vomit all over my laptop. Poker can be an evil game. But fear not my brothers and sisters I asure you i am my loverly positive self just with a few issues at the moment which i shall not bring in to the Church of Dazler and leave that for the other poor misguided souls to comment on. In regard to the dungeon a bit of torture and bonda ge could be just what i need ;)
    Posted by Dazler
    ....father please forgive me for i have sinned..i have had impure thoughts about the dungeon and have been excited... i promise i will resist the temptation of my thoughts.....
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  • annie_dukeannie_duke
    edited August 2009
    lol candi :)
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  • RESTORMELRESTORMEL
    edited August 2009

    Father,

    I pray that you will allow an undeserving novice such as myself the honour of treading the hallowed halls of your great church and tell my heart warming story of faith in adversity. 

    Last night this unworthy fish was granted great reward by the poker gods after witnessing a miracle to rank alongside the parting of the red sea and the feeding of the 5000.  I was seated at the holy table  Harmerton with 5 other devotees engaging in the 5p/10p donation ritual and through strict adherence to the teachings of the blessed apostles, Position and Aggression, had accumulated over £20 worth of donations.  

    Then, without warning...............the wonderment happened.  This unworthy fish was was folded to in the cut off seat and was blessed with:

    JD 9D

    A playable opening hand according to the scriptures of the dark lord Ivey so I raised to 3x the BB.  Lo the Button, a disciple of Saint Nit who had been worshipping the fold button all night, re popped to 9x BB and so my soul reader registered premium hand alert code red and was preparing to activate the fold button.  But the bet is called by the SB(a devotee of the call button) and BB (a serial PF limper and student of the slowplay school)  leaving me to place 6 BB into a pot of 31 BB............Even the master of tight Harrington would call this, so I duly call and anticipate folding to an all black Ace rag flop whilst muttering my “ I had pot odds to call......” incantation.

    The Flop descends from on high:

    10D 6D 8D

    Holy Father Dazler, this can only have been a gift from your great self – these flops only happen to the truly worthy...............there must be some mistake..............  But before I can comprehend this great fortune.........The Small Blind checks and the Big Blind donks £1.10 into the £3.65 pot and before I know it my timer is ticking down................

    Oh how to play this great gift..........am I being tested by the poker gods, If I slowplay will I be punished on the evil streets of turn and river?  If I Re pop, will they all fold?   Ah thinks I, but surely the other devotees at the table have witnessed me liberally raising all night and If as I suspect there are big pairs and possibly sets out there...............they will judge me to be full of the smelly brown and not believe and shoveth in their remaining donations...........

    So I thank you Father Dazler and setting me this test and duly propel a £7 overbet towards the pot in an attempt to look like a semi bluff pot stealing chimp................and the result is a great joy to behold as all 3 remaining devotees push their remaining chips into the pot leaving me to call and top the pot off at £41.36 – 413BBs, surely a holy grail among pots in any book!!

    So Now to the turn.......................

    9H

    A brick of the highest order............I praise the gods again for my good fortune and their kindness.............

    The river.....................

    8S

    Gods teeth................not a card that I wanted to see, surely now at least one of the 3 devotees had a set and his holy boat filleth up.  I gnash and wail at how cruel the gods can be................and I am ashamed to say Father that I took your name in vain as I saw that cursed card fall and felt the pain like a hot poker in my guts..........

    And so with pain and anguish aplenty we await the great final showdown................

    SB – AC 10S

    BB – KD KC

    BUTTON – QD QS

    Praise be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  My flopped flush has resisted the devils of suck out and my unworthy fishness has been blessed with the biggest pot (in terms of Big Blinds) I have ever won. 

    Father Dazler, please forgive me my lack of faith at the showdown and thank you for allowing me - an unworthy fish minion - the opportunity to tell your congregation about my great fortune and pass on the message of your greatness.

    Amen

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  • annie_dukeannie_duke
    edited August 2009
    lol very good
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  • beaujolaisbeaujolais
    edited August 2009
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER:
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER : Lol Annie...... i am excited.....better go to confession!
    Posted by candi
    lol
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  • IAMALLIN2IAMALLIN2
    edited August 2009
    HOLY FATHER

    I have not replied to the enlightened remarks regarding my impure thoughts of Jessica Alba

    I am pleased to say that these thoughts have now left me.

    Please hear my new confession:

    Holy Father is has been a few days since my last confession.

    I am now having impure thoughts of Sister Candi in the dungeon with a whip and leathers.

    Sister Annie also appears in these impure thoughts.

    I need your guidence holy father

    Brother Gary
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  • candicandi
    edited August 2009
    ...Dear Father, i have tried so very very hard to resist the temptations of my thoughts but its getting really hard to resist.... can i have the keys please?......pretty please?
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  • NoseyBonkNoseyBonk
    edited August 2009
    I don't want forgiveness! 
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  • annie_dukeannie_duke
    edited August 2009
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER:
    ...Dear Father, i have tried so very very hard to resist the temptations of my thoughts but its getting really hard to resist.... can i have the keys please?......pretty please?
    Posted by candi
    i think brother dazler has run off with brother solack :(
    wots us girls to do now with all these whips n chains lol
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  • candicandi
    edited August 2009
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER:
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER : i think brother dazler has run off with brother solack :( wots us girls to do now with all these whips n chains lol
    Posted by annie_duke
    ummmmmm...i know..  let`s prey together Sister Annie, see what answers we get xxxxx :)
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  • annie_dukeannie_duke
    edited August 2009
    ummmmmmmmmmm ok lol
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  • IAMALLIN2IAMALLIN2
    edited August 2009
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER:
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER : i think brother dazler has run off with brother solack :( wots us girls to do now with all these whips n chains lol
    Posted by annie_duke
    NOOOOO

    Thats just set me off again

    LOL

    Gary
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  • SoLackSoLack
    edited August 2009
    I have the spare keys - meet me outside the dungeon at midnight.  (Don't mention this to Father Dazler please)
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  • SoLackSoLack
    edited August 2009
    You're in - but Father Dazler will need to give the final confirmation.  You mean there are six other deadly sins?  Could you enlighten....
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  • candicandi
    edited August 2009
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER:
    I have the spare keys - meet me outside the dungeon at midnight.  (Don't mention this to Father Dazler please)
    Posted by SoLack
    But brother Solack, Father Dazler is the all seeing all knowing poker God, surely he will know.... but my thoughts..so hard to resist your offer...where is he? Maybe he is testing us to see what we will do while he isnt around??? bit ris K brother.....
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  • candicandi
    edited August 2009
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER:
    Does the church of dazler take in orphan's ?  my father was struck down by a bolt of lightening from sky setting his pants on fire and he has run off and left me an orphan. I'm a good church going lad not been spat out by the whale looking for new father figure and guidance. If you accept me  you must promise not to run off with the keys and the naughty nuns in search of the holly Grail that is the burning bush. If you do the Lord will bring down a terrible vengeance on you called Nun Flu it is sweeping the poker tables as I speak affecting 95% of the players in the MTTs and eventually effect the church collection box. Keep the Faith show charity and except me into your congregation and I promise to help you resist the temptations of the flesh.  p.s.  would it be alright for me to try the other six deadly sins. Strictly in the name of science of course. 
    Posted by goldon
    BROTHER GOLDEN... whatever do you take us nuns for???  uh??    :)
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  • candicandi
    edited August 2009
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER:
              Sister Candi   Are you telling me and the Church that you are one of the vestal virgins and never experienced the burning bush.    Holly Moses.  You'll be saying next you've never won at cards.  XXX
    Posted by goldon
    J am I am I am indeed! Since ive become a nun that is.......and yes i have always lost at cards since becoming a nun @)
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  • IAMALLIN2IAMALLIN2
    edited August 2009
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER:
        You Nuns,  as pure as the driven snow  !!!!!!  think not Father Dazler will make you say 10 hail Mary's      If its true then I hope Father Dazler doesn't ask me to become a NUN although I could get into the habit    dressing up in black singing    What are we going to do about Candi a willow the wisp extra extra. There's a career in the west end if you are interested seeing as your poker is suffering. The Sound of Music looking for Nuns.  WARNING !!!! you'll have to take the Hymen test.  think I spelt that right.
    Posted by goldon

    HYMN is what i think you meant

    LOL

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  • candicandi
    edited August 2009
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER:
        You Nuns,  as pure as the driven snow  !!!!!!  think not Father Dazler will make you say 10 hail Mary's      If its true then I hope Father Dazler doesn't ask me to become a NUN although I could get into the habit    dressing up in black singing    What are we going to do about Candi a willow the wisp extra extra. There's a career in the west end if you are interested seeing as your poker is suffering. The Sound of Music looking for Nuns.  WARNING !!!! you'll have to take the Hymen test.  think I spelt that right.
    Posted by goldon
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  • candicandi
    edited August 2009
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER:
        You Nuns,  as pure as the driven snow  !!!!!!  think not Father Dazler will make you say 10 hail Mary's      If its true then I hope Father Dazler doesn't ask me to become a NUN although I could get into the habit    dressing up in black singing    What are we going to do about Candi a willow the wisp extra extra. There's a career in the west end if you are interested seeing as your poker is suffering. The Sound of Music looking for Nuns.  WARNING !!!! you'll have to take the Hymen test.  think I spelt that right.
    Posted by goldon
    Willow the wisp.. Brother Golden i will have no willy in my wisp thankyou very much.. and a career in the west end and they may test my hymen..i can tell you true i will pass that test!
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  • candicandi
    edited August 2009
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER:
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER : Willow the wisp.. Brother Golden i will have no willy in my wisp thankyou very much.. and a career in the west end and they may test my hymen..i can tell you true i will pass that test!
    Posted by candi
    ps. Praise be to Father Dazler
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  • candicandi
    edited August 2009
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER:
      Sister Candi   You are a true miracle the only one in the hole wide world with one intact     you sure you didn't have it put back when you had your last nip an tuck. Do you have certificated proof   oooooooook i dooooooky I believe you.  the race is chaps first one to get candi's cherry.!!!!!!!!!
    Posted by goldon
    Brother Golden i will have you know i have never been interfered with by the worldly sin of cosmetic surgery, everything is my own...and as far as getting my cherry..i am saving myself for better tings as a siser of the church of Dazler!
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  • DazlerDazler
    edited August 2009
    Im watching you all and hope you are behaving ill be back tomorrow !!!!!!!!
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  • unknown_usernameunknown_username
    edited August 2009


       :))   welcome  back Dazler    Poker Hospital look after you ok   :))
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  • candicandi
    edited August 2009
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER:
    Im watching you all and hope you are behaving ill be back tomorrow !!!!!!!!
    Posted by Dazler
    Thank the Lord! xxxxx
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  • mickjenn1mickjenn1
    edited August 2009
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER:
        Sister Candi   Number one Nun.    I'm on to your strategy keeping yourself pure for Father Dazler. Your looking to have the immaculate conception with him and produce the next Poker God !!!!!!--------  Jesus 2  ------- No good denying it.      Have you read the  good news my real Father is returning praise be the church of Father Dazler he can truly perform Miracles.   He's been a bit sneaky tho running around with another head on doing a canoe man is that allowed Father Dazler.
    Posted by goldon
    goldon you are crazy m8
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  • beaujolaisbeaujolais
    edited August 2009
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER:
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER :    Thank you Dad.   It only happened to me when that bolt of lightning ricoshade off your pants and hit me on the head.   Have you put the fire out yet   any blisters   can you sit down     you can   praise the lord and Father Dazler for his prayers have saved you from 40 days and 40 nights in the wilderness.
    Posted by goldon
    lol
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  • candicandi
    edited August 2009
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER:
        Sister Candi   Number one Nun.    I'm on to your strategy keeping yourself pure for Father Dazler. Your looking to have the immaculate conception with him and produce the next Poker God !!!!!!--------  Jesus 2  ------- No good denying it.      Have you read the  good news my real Father is returning praise be the church of Father Dazler he can truly perform Miracles.   He's been a bit sneaky tho running around with another head on doing a canoe man is that allowed Father Dazler.
    Posted by goldon
    A Star is Born... you are such a clever brother for working out my game plan..praise be to Father Dazler..i can`t` wait to see him..its bin along time...what a Flashflush of Golden  light...we`ll soon be popping open the Beaujolais..Don`t` forget the annie Duke`s of haz` poker Honestly Father Dazler were not taking the mick`jenn..what do you say...IAMALLIN if you are! xxxxx
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  • IAMALLIN2IAMALLIN2
    edited August 2009
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER:
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER : A Star is Born... you are such a clever brother for working out my game plan..praise be to Father Dazler..i can`t` wait to see him..its bin along time...what a Flashflush of Golden  light...we`ll soon be popping open the Beaujolais..Don`t` forget the annie Duke`s of haz` poker Honestly Father Dazler were not taking the mick`jenn..what do you say...IAMALLIN if you are! xxxxx
    Posted by candi
    Hi Sister Candi

    I am indeed still here

    I am spending 23 hours in a bath of ice cubes thanks to sister Annie and you

    Waiting for Father Dazlers wisdom

    BRRRRRR

    LOL

    Brother Gary
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