humpty dumpty was pushed

oynutter

In Response to Re: humpty dumpty was pushed:

Hi Well that is really good news. I am sure the followers of this tale will now sleep easier. I for one cannot stand the Christmas rush so is it possible to pre-order. Luv Pamxx
Posted by tiggerace7

dearest pam--as you know-unbreakable humpty dumpty has yet to go into full production---and i have just heard from our legal department that the full scale storming of the super-hero market that i forecast in my previous post, might not be a good idea at the present time---the Union of Kings Horses and Men (U.K.H.M) has just applied in the high court, for  an injunction to stop the production of unbreakable humpty dumpty on the grounds that they have a traditional legal right to attempt repairs on the aforementioned super-hero----a right that would be compromised by the production of an unbreakable version---obviously our legal team are  working round the clock on our defence at the hearing and i will keep everyone informed----the only thing i can say at the moment is-----THATS THE LAST FLOPPIN TIME I AM VOTING LABOUR!!!

DTWBANDIT

In Response to Re: humpty dumpty was pushed:

FANTASTIC NEWS  for all humpty dumpty followers(and other interested parties) -- we at the humpty dumpty institute of technology (in conjunction with our manufacturers in japan) are pleased and extremely proud to announce that---after six months of exhaustive tests and field trials---- a prototype has finally been finished and prepared for launch, of a brand spanking new---yes , you've guessed it ---unbreakable humpty dumpty --manufactured by injection moulding-- from a top secret mixture consisting mainly of finely ground tungsten-carbide, industrial diamonds and re-cycled space shuttle tyres.---- this humpty dumpty will be availiable in 16 colours-- in 127 countries,and is set to storm the childrens super-hero market on a scale not witnessed since action man---unlike action man, this humpty dumpty cannot and will not be broken! (at least not by falling off a wall)--- this humpty dumpty has already been pushed off the dubai tower! (tallest building in the world) suffering only minor scratches and an (easily replaceable) broken leg--it has also been crash tested by volvo (without air-bags) at a speed of 165km/hour, and accidently shot at close range by a 12- bore sawn-off shotgun!---its amazing what some people will do to get hold of industrial secrets!!!---it has also been strapped to an inter-continental ballistic missile--although this test has (so far) proved inconclusive as humpty dumpty was in fact, lost-- -- the union of kings horses and men (U.K.H.M) has objected to the patent application, although, considering thier dismal performance the last time humpty got broken, this should not prove too much of an obstacle for our legal department----the only other possible stumbling block is health and saftey regulations---but since we aim to prove that this humpty dumpty cannot and will not be broken---the highly toxic nature of our manufacturing matierials should not become an issue---so---fingers crossed all around the globe-- this marvell of modern technology should be falling off the shelves by christmas!!!
Posted by oynutter

  great read oy tho some of the tech specs went straight over me head sounds like the new humpty will be a boom any chance of a sneak preveiw maybe a photo/picture so we can marvel at this new bit of kit m8

   dtw

oynutter

hiya dtw---i did have a picture of the new unbreakable humpty dumpty, and i was just about to post it here when our legal team informed me that ---due to the injunction applied for in the high court by the Union of Kings Horses and Men--we may have to abandon the project and completely re-tool our new humpty dumpty in order to make it "the new breakable but easy to re-assemble humpty dumpty"--we are still fighting this case in the high court, but our prospects of winning  are very hard to predict in the present climate---emotions are running high among the kings horses and men and trying to get anything done in this country without the full consent of the unions is difficult if not impossible---we will keep you and the general public up to date on proceedings but at the moment i cant say we are optimistic

DAVEYZZ

here we go again,some mug with their conspiracy theory!
if you studied history properly you know the real facts,those being...

1 humpty dumpty was on jack and jills stag/hen night the night before..
2 he got rather drunk and ended up at little bo peep's house for a one night stand..
3he could'nt perform due to the fact he was so drunk
4 he could not stand the shame if bo peep told all so..
5 he jumped to his death



please let that be the end of it!!

oynutter

In Response to Re: humpty dumpty was pushed:

here we go again,some mug with their conspiracy theory! if you studied history properly you know the real facts,those being... 1 humpty dumpty was on jack and jills stag/hen night the night before.. 2 he got rather drunk and ended up at little bo peep's house for a one night stand.. 3he could'nt perform due to the fact he was so drunk 4 he could not stand the shame if bo peep told all so.. 5 he jumped to his death please let that be the end of it!!
Posted by DAVEYZZ

ha ha ha ha---an egg drinking beer!!---have you any idea at all how daft that sounds---an egg---for flops sake---drinking beer!!!---you must be as mad as a hatter!!!    lol-----an egg----hahahaha  drinking beer hahahaha----he was floppin pushed i tell you!!!

oynutter

In Response to Re: humpty dumpty was pushed:

My goodness all you conspiracy theorists really have a problem. You probably believe that incy-wincy spider was coerced into going up that spout, that the three blind mice didn't deserve to have their tails chopped off, that the ring-a-ring-a-roses gang all had hay fever, and the all time classic ....... that the timorous horologist was taken by aliens. Go get your bacofoil hats and take your medication all you conspiracy theorists. ( Bet you quietly recited at least 2 nursery rhymes there Finally you need to have an ability to do simple mental arithmatic to play poker so all conspiracy theorists should try this: This must be done in your head only . Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it. Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30. Add another 1000 . Now add 20 . Now add another 1000 Now add 10 . What is the total? Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100. If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator! If you got it wrong give up the poker
Posted by elsadog

hi elsadog---i got it right first time---can i play poker now?  --- i have a friend in the R.S.P.C.A -- And he agrees with me that no blind mouse could possibly do anything that deserves such a fate----never mind floppin three of them!

DTWBANDIT

In Response to Re: humpty dumpty was pushed:

hiya dtw---i did have a picture of the new unbreakable humpty dumpty, and i was just about to post it here when our legal team informed me that ---due to the injunction applied for in the high court by the Union of Kings Horses and Men--we may have to abandon the project and completely re-tool our new humpty dumpty in order to make it "the new breakable but easy to re-assemble humpty dumpty"--we are still fighting this case in the high court, but our prospects of winning  are very hard to predict in the present climate---emotions are running high among the kings horses and men and trying to get anything done in this country without the full consent of the unions is difficult if not impossible---we will keep you and the general public up to date on proceedings but at the moment i cant say we are optimistic
Posted by oynutter

    oy oy that'll be PC gone mad with red tape m8 don't let em beat you keep at it will humpty be on the shelves by xmas? btw i read your pm & have replied have also sent a pm to all me friends in the community as i have posted my 1st update post in my new thread home "michael's poker journey with a little help from my friends" don't u just hate moving its no fun at all dt  

oynutter

NOW--THIS REALLY IS GETTING TOO MUCH!--not satisisfied with the knowledge that humpty was pushed off the wall--some people seem eager to see how he reacts to being pushed off the front page of area 51!!!???!!!--well i will tell you!-humpty dumpty is very annoyed indeed---dont you think he has enough trouble with the union of kings horses and men (U.K.H.M) trying to ensure that he remains easily breakable!---i cant believe how insensitive some people are--next we'll probably have the union of nasty little bar stewards saying they have a traditional right to push any free-range egg called humpty off any fluppin wall of thier choosing!!!!

Timbobo

In Response to Re: humpty dumpty was pushed:

NOW--THIS REALLY IS GETTING TOO MUCH!--not satisisfied with the knowledge that humpty was pushed off the wall--some people seem eager to see how he reacts to being pushed off the front page of area 51!!!???!!!--well i will tell you!-humpty dumpty is very annoyed indeed---dont you think he has enough trouble with the union of kings horses and men (U.K.H.M) trying to ensure that he remains easily breakable!---i cant believe how insensitive some people are--next we'll probably have the union of nasty little bar stewards saying they have a traditional right to push any free-range egg called humpty off any fluppin wall of thier choosing!!!!
Posted by oynutter

LOL LOL

tiggerace7

Hi Rik
I agree keep humpty on the front page at least until the Christmas rush is over.
With all the site technical problems it's a good way to unwind.
I am still looking out and about foe the unbreakable version

Pamxx

Timbobo

In Response to Re: humpty dumpty was pushed:

Hi Rik I agree keep humpty on the front page at least until the Christmas rush is over. With all the site technical problems it's a good way to unwind. I am still looking out and about foe the unbreakable version Pamxx
Posted by tiggerace7

A new dimension!!!!

"GOOD WAY TO UNWIND". I did not think the intention was to have a clockwork version but maybe this idea will now SPRING to mind.

oynutter

In Response to Re: humpty dumpty was pushed:

Hi Rik I agree keep humpty on the front page at least until the Christmas rush is over. With all the site technical problems it's a good way to unwind. I am still looking out and about foe the unbreakable version Pamxx
Posted by tiggerace7

hi pam--please dont even think of talking to me about technical problems!--have you any idea how hard it is to make a breakable, but easy to re-assemble egg!  i am thinking of getting sky's technical team to help--but they are so busy right now--these floppin unions have a lot to answer for i can tell you---i mean hooves and chain-mail gloves--lol--what flappin chance did they think they had trying to fix an egg--and now the high court has upheld thier objection to the manufacturing of an unbreakable humpty dumpty, we have no choice----2.6 million down the drain!!!  we cant even afford to cut our losses and run--ive got the bank manager saying "i told you it was a daft idea"--ive got the kids saying "please daddy, please--we want one now!!"---ive got a pile of orders 6ft high that we are not legally allowed to fill---to tell you the truth --i am thinking of dressing up as humpty dumpty and jumping off a fluppin wall myself!!!

oynutter

In Response to Re: humpty dumpty was pushed:

In Response to Re: humpty dumpty was pushed : A new dimension!!!! "GOOD WAY TO UNWIND". I did not think the intention was to have a clockwork version but maybe this idea will now SPRING to mind.
Posted by Timbobo

LOOK HERE TIMBOBO---as you can tell by the above post--i am under a lot of stress right now--please dont give me any more good ideas for a while--i really cant handle it!!--unless you can personally put ME back together again, i will have to ask you to keep your good ideas to yourself for a bit--please dont think i am being ungrateful--if you had come up with this idea a few months ago i would have been absolutely delighted---but at the moment, i am right on the edge--i got so carried away this morning, that i made an omlette big enough to feed 67 people!!!  eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs---i just couldnt help myself---maybe next week i will be more receptive--when we have a meeting of minds at HQ---if however you have any input that would help us make an easy to re-assemble egg i swear i will be eternally grateful---then we will consider a clock-work version---thank you my friend---oynutter

unknown_username

Ok I've made a couple of phone calls and there is a yellow van on it's way, with some nice men and a new jacket for you oynutter. Try to stay calm until they arrive.

Timbobo

Sorry OY,
I did not mean to Eggacerbate your stress levels.
Tim

tiggerace7

Hi Rik

Now pet I don't want you to give up.....and by the way too many eggs are not good for you......When you get the humpty suit I beg you to send a photo........... As far as the High Court is concerned you would think they had more important issues to resolve....what with the state of the economy and the members of parliament.....There is just no justice in this world.r

I think you should get an Oscar just for dealing with all the problems you have had and some of the comments you have got.....life is not easy.


Pamxx

oynutter

hi pam---it really is getting too much for me to take--i completly flipped my lid this afternoon--and now ive done something absolutely terrible--i didnt mean to--and you know i wouldnt hurt a fly under normal circumstances--a good friend and i went fishing today--he said it would do me good to be calm for a while and he was right---thing is, we forgot our sandwiches, so we were floppin starving by the time we got home---just as we got in the door the phone rang and i was told that the bank are calling in the loan we took out for this project--i was devastated as you can imagine---but i held back the tears and went into the kitchen---just as i picked up the frying pan and a packet of sausages my friend said "sausages will take ages--you couldnt fix me an egg could you?"-----well i just went ballistic!!!---why oh why did i have to buy a flappin cast iron frying pan?? he was such a good friend---now they dont even know if he will ever come out of his coma--what am i going to do??--please pray for him for me---touchwood--he will be ok wont he pam--wont he??--he will pam wont he--please say he'll be ok --please pam--just say he'll be ok--he was only trying to help me and now look what i've done-------i just want him to be ok--he will wont he pam?--------wont he?

tiggerace7

First things first.....do not panic......i get beaten to death daily by jacks.....to date no one has been arrested...but you know there is always that ace policeman round the corner and one day soon he will be on my flopping side...........i am touching wood and have my fingers crossed.......which frankly is a bit inconvenient now the mouse has moved in....but i know it is in a very good cause.....i think what you need right at this moment in time is a miracle card to lift the spirits rather than some looney upsetting you egg balance....so look forward to spotting the next looney and i will pray for your good friend....who should never of course go fishing...now getting back to your friends coma i am absolutely sure if we arrange a royal flush he soon spring back to life...so in this very good cause I have spoken to the suits and all is arranged...they said to me ...ok Tigs the sky's the limit.....which with their current techical problems I thought that was real sweet.......I have tried to get them to flopping call a deepstack Humpty is order to raise extra capital for your project.....I think that would be a great name as lots of players have the hump and that is usually very near the river....anyway I will report back regarding the stake ....

Luv Pamxx

oynutter

hi pam-thank the floppin stars !!---my friend woke up this afternoon---he was great about it all and refused to press charges for assault and battery--even though the police tried for half an hour to persuade him!!---as he woke up he said "egg sandwich--egg sandwich"--something deep in the depths of my psyche knew this would happen so i had one in my pocket----needless to say, my cast iron frying pan is in the bin--jeezz--that was close--there's me exposing the murder of humpty dumpty and nearly getting charged for it myself!!--i didnt tell you before but my friend his Frank Dumpty--head of sales and marketing--lol--how ironic would that have been?--anyway--i had a meeting with the bank manager and it seems we have a reprieve--but we must figure out how to make, and get to market, a breakable but easy to re-assemble humpty dumpty--we only have untill december 12th to achieve this aim--i am off on a trip to hungary to meet Erno Rubik, the inventor of the rubiks cube--he has promised to help with our re-tooling of humpty---so will see you all in a few days --hopefully with some good news---thanks for your prayers--see you soon--oynutter x

unknown_username

Just a thought have you tried reversing the polarity on a food mixer......it might just work.

A great post.....about time we had some real life eggsperiences rather than the bland omelette of made-up stories.

oynutter

In Response to Re: humpty dumpty was pushed:

Just a thought have you tried reversing the polarity on a food mixer......it might just work. A great post.....about time we had some real life eggsperiences rather than the bland omelette of made-up stories.
Posted by elsadog

  hi there elsadog--thanks very much for your idea, although it sounds daft, it could just be the very idea our technical team are looking for---I was talking with one of our laboratory technicians just the other day, and he said to me "often it is a completely ridiculous and seemingly totally un-workable idea that turns out in the end to be the only possible solution to a problem"---i reminded him of some of Baldricks ideas from the series "Blackadder"--absolutely derranged ideas that turn out to be perfect solutions--"exactly my point " he said----- so i will take your idea straight to research and development right away--thanks very much indeed----and may i take this opportunity to say that you are looking particularly delectable this morning---and quite large too!

neilcarlo

In Response to Re: humpty dumpty was pushed:

In Response to Re: humpty dumpty was pushed : hi pam--please dont even think of talking to me about technical problems!--have you any idea how hard it is to make a breakable, but easy to re-assemble egg!  i am thinking of getting sky's technical team to help--but they are so busy right now--these floppin unions have a lot to answer for i can tell you---i mean hooves and chain-mail gloves--lol--what flappin chance did they think they had trying to fix an egg--and now the high court has upheld thier objection to the manufacturing of an unbreakable humpty dumpty, we have no choice----2.6 million down the drain!!!  we cant even afford to cut our losses and run--ive got the bank manager saying "i told you it was a daft idea"--ive got the kids saying "please daddy, please--we want one now!!"---ive got a pile of orders 6ft high that we are not legally allowed to fill---to tell you the truth --i am thinking of dressing up as humpty dumpty and jumping off a fluppin wall myself!!!
Posted by oynutter

oynutter.. WAFFLE WAFFLE WAFFLE, BLAH BLAH BLAH

neilcarlo

In Response to Re: humpty dumpty was pushed:

hi pam---it really is getting too much for me to take--i completly flipped my lid this afternoon--and now ive done something absolutely terrible--i didnt mean to--and you know i wouldnt hurt a fly under normal circumstances--a good friend and i went fishing today--he said it would do me good to be calm for a while and he was right---thing is, we forgot our sandwiches, so we were floppin starving by the time we got home---just as we got in the door the phone rang and i was told that the bank are calling in the loan we took out for this project--i was devastated as you can imagine---but i held back the tears and went into the kitchen---just as i picked up the frying pan and a packet of sausages my friend said "sausages will take ages--you couldnt fix me an egg could you?"-----well i just went ballistic!!!---why oh why did i have to buy a flappin cast iron frying pan?? he was such a good friend---now they dont even know if he will ever come out of his coma--what am i going to do??--please pray for him for me---touchwood--he will be ok wont he pam--wont he??--he will pam wont he--please say he'll be ok --please pam--just say he'll be ok--he was only trying to help me and now look what i've done-------i just want him to be ok--he will wont he pam?--------wont he?
Posted by oynutter

OYNUTTER YOU DONT GET OUT MUCH DO YOU. U SOUND SO MUCH LIKE NUMPTY DUMPTY.

Timbobo

My wife said that she would let me have a fiver towards a humpty this Christmas. I said you must be yoking, with the level of sophistication that is being talked about we may well be looking at 50 squid.
On the technical front I think I have a solution to the mending problem involving the use of a freezer. Blue nuts may be a problem but that is a price worth paying.
Let me know if you want more details , it has to be worth a free one.

oynutter

In Response to Re: humpty dumpty was pushed:

Just a thought have you tried reversing the polarity on a food mixer......it might just work. A great post.....about time we had some real life eggsperiences rather than the bland omelette of made-up stories.
Posted by elsadog

hi there elsadog--Well --what can i say---i took your idea, (along with my moulinex) up to the new research and development facility, which incidently had to be moved to the shetland isles because of industrial espionage problems,-- full of optimism and and extremely excited at the prospect of having all our problems solved, the 18 hour journey didnt  dampen my spirits at all----disembarking from the ferry, i was met by the same laboratory technician that i mentioned earlier-----i told him that a small dog i know had come up with an idea that could quite possibly solve all our problems and save the company from liquidation (pun not intended)----"Baldrick would be so proud of us if he knew about this one" i said---cuthbert (thats his name) was dying to know exactly what the idea was but i kept it a secret till we got to the facility------after the usual security checks (they wont even let me in without finger print and iris checks these days) we entered the main electrical and mechanical test lab----here i opened my hold-all and showed cuthbert my moulinex---you should have seen his face, vexed to floppery he was, ------well----after i explained the idea we were about to try he just laughed his fluppin head off!!!!!---"you came all the way up from flapping Kent to tell me that" he said-- and then proceeded to roll around the floor laughing for another ten minutes----

   APPARENTLY ELSA----reversing the polarity of a food mixer does not make it spin the other way at all, as alternating current is actually reversed 50 times a second anyway---so your idea was a complete waste of space and time --in fact your idea made me look more stupid than baldricks fluppin turnip!!!  (yes elsadog--the one shaped almost exactly like a thingy)---so thanks very much for that one!!---next time you think you might have a good idea, please ask a labrador or a border collie what they think before you communicate it to me---ok!!!!!!!!

oynutter

In Response to Re: humpty dumpty was pushed:

My wife said that she would let me have a fiver towards a humpty this Christmas. I said you must be yoking, with the level of sophistication that is being talked about we may well be looking at 50 squid. On the technical front I think I have a solution to the mending problem involving the use of a freezer. Blue nuts may be a problem but that is a price worth paying. Let me know if you want more details , it has to be worth a free one.
Posted by Timbobo

hi timbobo----i apologise for my flippant response to your last suggestion --i was (and still am) under tremendous pressure--- please give my kind regards to your wife and tell her that, if your idea is a good one i will let you have ten humpty dumpty's and a whole pile of fivers to give her for christmas!----please think very carefully before you submit your idea---i have just returned from our research facility having completely ruined my credibility as an intelligent human being!!!--- and as the managing director of a company that might soon be floated on the stock market, this cannot be allowed to happen again----luckily for me, what goes on in our research facility, stays in our research facility--but if this venture fails, this will no longer be guaranteed---good ideas are welcome from any source whatsoever timbobo, and i would be very grateful if you would submit yours---thanks --yours in anticipation--oynutter

unknown_username

They laughed at Christopher Columbus when he said the world was round, they laughed at Macaroni when he discovered pasta shells with that lovely creamy sauce, Mock as you will, one day my ideas will rule the world, the world I tell 'ya.

My 1943 'Bolivian White Powder Industries Food mixer runs on DC current, so there! Can you borrow it?............I think not. Derision is a luxury you can't afford my friend, With an upcoming floatation and a broken Humpty you are in dire straights. I will continue to perform my own eggsperiments in the luxurious kennel facilities I share with the aforementioned Labrador and Collie and astound the world when I finally achieve a state of total egg-bound perfection.

My eggsperiments have already produced a square Humpty and a pyramidal omelette with measurable intelligence and an IQ of 2.7 (comparable to loonytoons best scores to date and well above noseybonk) so the move to a perfect salmonella free ovum is close at hand. Further modifications where we have introduced crash-test-dummy DNA into the mix are looking very positive for giving our new breed of Humpties the ability to bounce back after a fall. And as for all the King's horses and all the King's men they will be down at the job centre in the queue just behind you.

I'm gonna rule the world........THE WORLD!!!!!

oynutter

for your information elsasmalldog---macaroni invented the radio---it was louis pasteur, the french chemist and biologist that invented pasta---and he got a nobel prize for it too!!---and it was adam that invented the creamy white sauce---shows how much you know---i will be back this evening from hungary--then we see who will put humpty back together again---bye bye--small dog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tiggerace7

Hi Rik

You now need to act very quickly as if I am not mistaken The Dog is not laughing at the dish and spoon running away from the pyramid omelette.

He is quite obviously trying to steal your original idea...........GET IT COPYRIGHTED......immediately......do not delay, remember he now has the help of Lab and Collie and before you know it he will have enrolled TiKay's cat......who by the way is not as nice as tigger's....cos as Irish says.............she's the cat's whiskers.It's all very well sending all the kings horses and all the kings men to  the job centre. but they were just unlucky in the hand they were dealt......in as much that they had no flopping oynutter to help at the time. We all know how crucial timing is.

I am still trying to get a Humpty Tourny going as this would provide valuable funds prior to flotation, I will tell the suits that a Freeroll in honour of the Humpty we know and love would be perfect. It would of course also provide good marketing and Advertising and I am ever hopeful that Humpty will soon get a mention on the TV.  It would be a good timing for sky and really show the viewer what a good community we have here. People pay to laugh.

I just don't want you to be 10 deep in **** when you can opt for 6.

Pam xx

unknown_username

It's patently obvious that you're too late to copyright this. We are but days away from producing a reconstituted egg with our patented polyurethane coated polymer shell. Our tests show that the latest model is capable of being dropped from a considerable height without breaking. If we can just stop the egg from bouncing all around the room we can then conduct further tests.  In taste tests we've undertaken at our state of the art kennel facility we have shown that the egg is comparable with a McDonald's breakfast egg, so still some work to do on that score.

We are but weeks away from mass production of unbreakable Humpties and already have factories in China and India on standby. In a nutshell, sorry eggshell, we have you licked (particularly Labby.... he has a penchant for licking egg-shaped objects ) and time is on our side.

Ha Ha Haaaaa....victory will be ours.