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We've had a major breakthrough in cost reduction. Thanks to ongoing bathroom tests by collie we can save on transport costs from our suppliers in China and India. All supplies will consequently be brought in by Lancaster Bomber and dropped eggactly 4 miles off shore at Dover. We will have packing crews available on the beach at Dover where the Humpties will be gathered and processed for complete freshness.
Mutts Unlimited goes from strength to strength.
Mutts Unlimited have been offered a sponsership deal from Compare the Meerkat, We now have access to over 4000 meerkats who will line up on the white cliffs of dover to scan for the new breed of incoming 'Bouncing Humpties'
This offer of Meerkat lookouts will reduce the possibility of unexploded Humpties littering the beaches, and from an 'elf and safe tea' perspective is most welcome.
I glad to report that we have now stopped the test Humpty from rebounding around the bathroom, and with a few days rest in the vets surgery, Collie will be back to work with no permanent ill-effects.
LOL
besides this fact is the legal precedent already set by the highest court of the land!!----these four-legged ignoramuses have unsurprisingly failed to take into account the fact, that no unbreakable humpty dumpty can ever be sold (or even given away) in this country!!---And as long as the union of kings horses and men exist, this shall always be the case.
back to business, i have just returned from my trip to Hungary, where i had a very productive meeting with Erno Rubik (inventor of the Rubiks cube), Erno has now joined the company as "executive director of design and production"--- as you can guess from this development, our financial problems are over and our technical issues a thing of the past.
Humpty dumpty will be breakable but easy to re-assemble within 21 days of this announcement
I am extremely busy right now and have to oversee the drawing up of various contracts concerning this announcement, but rest assured that a detailed description of the new breakable but easy to re-assemble humpty dumpty will follow shortly, and also that this project will not be hijacked by a bunch of untrained, flea bitten, tail chasing victims of kennel cough!!!!!!!
Erno Rubic is a recluse and refuses to even participate in Rubic cube enterprises, so you think you can fool us all into thinking that this eggcentric man would bother to talk to you about a breakable Humpty., let alone join the company, you're barking mad.
Breakable and repairable humpties are not the way forward. This is the British Leyland mentality - have cars that break down all the time with lots of garages to mend them, dotted all over the country. The way forward is the Japanese way of having them unbreakable.........Banzaiiiiii.
We will soon be announcing major sponsorship deals with famous personalities who will have their very own unbreakable humpties named after them............
We already have plans for a Victoria Beckhumpty, a David Beckhumpty, and a Jordan Humper....sorry Humpty. There's a children's version, the Humpty Montana and a special collectors edition of a Humpty Bogart.
This is just the beginning: Unbreakable Humpties will soon be winging their way across the water via our new fleet of Lancaster Bombers in time for Christmas.
Our soon to be announced pyramid selling scheme will bring opportunities for early opportunists to make a fortune, so watch this space to get in at the start of what will be the sales of the century. *A deposit of only £5,000 and this opportunity could be yours. Becoming a Humpty Agent could be the best move you ever make.
*Terms and Conditions apply.
Time to admit defeat Oynutter.........breakable Humpties went out with the Ark.
If you like it here in area51 you can apply for resident status by entering your application for the nutters tournament in the general forum. Should you pass the nutters criteria you will be a welcome guest in area51. If you fail please keep out.
Ps. *Tin-foil-hats and **unbreakable humpty franchises are available only from Mutts Unlimited.
*Beware of imitations
**Terms and conditions apply.
the chances of encountering three or four nutters in the same thread on a forum however, are only around 50-50, and not in fact surprising, which is why your implied surprise, surprised me.
could you pleae confirm or deny that you were surprised, so that we may continue this conversation?
I'll be back later my bacofoil helmet is overheating.
i wonder what the chances are of encountering one of those are, in a humpty dumpty thread on a poker site forum?
HAH! there's an echo of defeat in that statement. We have three and a half enquiries for our Unbreakable Humpty (patent pending) Franchise already. MAAWWAAAAAHAHAHA
what a funny conversation that was!!!---apparently, anyone that breaks the new unbreakable humpty dumpty injunction will be not only subject to police intervention, but the army, air force, navy, and customs office!!!
good luck small dog--lol---"echo of defeat"----hahahaha and tanks for the plane sailing guys hahahahahahahahhaa
Notice:
Will the person who applied for a franchise and whose name ends in 'toons' please re-apply as your application was partially torn to bits when the postman posted it through our letter-box and I momentarily lost control and ripped it to shreds.
Indestructible or Re-assembly...that is the question??
Firstly indestructible...considering the state of the economy not a good idea..all offshore funds and MP expenses are being dealt with. The re-cycling industry would have there hands full. Although I said flippantly earlier ...let them bounce...this would now cause havoc with health and safety,not to mention the hospital which would have to deal with any injuries...the no win no fee brigade would of course keep the meercats busy. It will just be more and more red tape..so is not a barking good idea.
A really, really, really easily re-assembled Humpty is a eggcellant idea which would provide all the Kings Horses and all the Kings men with much needed work....but there is an alternative.....
Yes a wearable one.....this is the suggestion ...now the first part is not aimed at upsetting Oynutter as I am his biggest fan and I am hoping he will get over the bad beat when he calms down so here is hoping......good luck Pam...you will need it.
First you boil the egg very carefully so that there are absolutely no cracks ....Now coat the egg in nail gel (like the stuff us girlies put on our nails)...........it comes in many colours...they then become Humpties with terrific strengths and will keep all the kings Men and all the Kings Horses busy looking after any chips, which will only cost a small buy- in.
The funds raised from this venture could go towards making an unbreakable poker hand.
Come on guys what do you think
Tigs
The last set of experements with the freezer technique came to a soggy end so I fear it needs a little refinement. But.... I still have high hopes. I suggest you continue your work with Enzo in parallel.
Don't worry yourself about the alleged threats from the doggy kennel, their bark is worse than their bite.
I'll keep you informed of progress but here's wishing you every success in the meantime.
Your ardent supporter,
TIM (With great big pointy teeth).
It's time to meet the management team at Mutts unlimited. There has been so much public interest from people who for years have had to put up with broken and irreparable Humpties. Mutts Unlimited are at the forefront of Humpty technology. Also we have been inundated with applications for the Mutts Unlimited pyramid sales scam....sorry scheme...... that we feel we should introduce the 'A Team'
First up is our Director of Laboratory Testing 'FagAsh Lil' who with many years of laboratory experience behind her is the ideal doggy to head up development.
Next up is 'Everard' our head of marketing who's always up for it. With years of experience of hanging around the local market stalls at closing time, this was an obvious choice. Everard will be in charge of all Franchisee applications.
Next we have 'Slack Alice' our import/export manager. With looks like that we need go no further.
And finally it's 'Marge' the tea-lady, Inventor & designer of the 'bouncing humpty' ........... Need I say more
All future investors can be assured that our team of eggsperts can handle any problem that occurs.
This is truly the funniest subject I have ever witnessed.............I don't suppose you need any big cats..do you......being a tigger i already have the bounce........
Tiggs
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I don't poach eggs or eggsperts and as you will see from the above post Tigger approached us. But don't fret because we don't take Tigger's application seriously.
Earlier in this post we received a coded message from our industrial espionage specialist (a master of disguise with a particular knack of looking like a peeled pomegranate). The message SPOONS translates as Suspect Pussycat Of Operating Nutter Spy-ring. We know that Tiggerace has been used undercover and you thought we'd fall for that HA HA HA.
You'll have to do better than that Mr Nutter, infiltrating Mutts Unlimited isn't that easy.
This just goes to show that it is a very well known fact that dogs and cat simply do not get on.
We do now have full evidence as to the type employed by your barking company this together with the off shore activities is fairly catastrophic......
Tig
It has come to our notice that the very successful unbreakable Humpties contravene current conservation issues. The mere fact that an unbreakable Humpty takes approx. 17,000 years to bio-degrade means that we now have Greenpeace camped outside our research & development facility. Rest assured we are working on this minor problem and will keep you all updated. Any concerns you have should be addressed to Fagash Lil. I will not be available for comment for a while (quite a long while actually) as I can't find my way off this beach (Barbados is bigger than you think) and may be here for some time.
Wish you were here,
Elsa
ps. Rest assured your money is safe with me.
I Know. All people of true genious are a little strange. Just look at Mr. Nutter
LOL