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Joke section.

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  • goldongoldon
    edited March 2016
    Paddy ask's Mick .... have you ever kissed the Blarney Stone.  "Never said, Mick and never will.! "  "Why not asked Paddy, that's not very Patriotic.!   "Mick said, I'm very Patriotic ?  the English Tourist flock here during the Day to kiss it and we Irish pee on it every night.! 
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  • unknown_usernameunknown_username
    edited March 2016

    Little Zachary was doing poorly in math. His parents, after exhausting all other incentives, finally decided to enroll him in the local Catholic School. After the first day, Little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He went straight to his room and started studying. This continued for some time. His mother was baffled as to why he had become so dedicated. 

    Finally, Little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table and went to his room to study. With great trepidation, his mother looked at it and, to her surprise, Little Zachary go an "A" in math. She asked, "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns, the books, the discipline, the uniforms?" 

    Little Zachary said, "No!" 

    "What was it?" she asked. 

    Little Zachary looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the Plus Sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."
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  • goldongoldon
    edited April 2016
    Two sisters go on holiday to the Caribbean they meet this Jamaican tour guide who shows then around the Island and they both fancy him so decide to share him.  They spend two weeks taking turns to make love and party.  Then at the end of their holiday and about to leave he drives them to the airport. On the way the sisters ask him. " We've had a lovely holiday and time with you and we don't even know your name.  "My name is Snow."  he said,!  The girls start laughing.  " What's so funny, he asks."   "When we get home our Friends will never believe we had ten inches of Snow in the Caribbean.    
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  • goldongoldon
    edited April 2016
    Asked my Neighbour to stop calling me Sugar.        "Very Taxing"
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  • goldongoldon
    edited April 2016
    Football team flying to World Cup Match in Columbia crash land in Amazon jungle where tribe of Pygmies capture them and threaten to kill them.  The tribal Chief has three beautiful Daughters who fancy some of the men so the Chief decides to spare them and set them a task to prove they are worthy to have one of his Daughters in Marriage. The footballers are reluctant to agree but as its either that or death, they agree to the task. They are made to line up on a river bank.  The Chief then tells them the first man to swim across the Crocodile infested river can chose one of his Daughters and the rest of the men can go free.   There's a splash and frantic swimming till one player reaches the other side exhausted but un-harmed....... the Chief praises him on his bravery and tell's him he is worthy and can have any one of his daughters in Marrage the rest of the team can go free,  which one do you want.!   The Player said,   " I want the Bast ard that pushed me in. !
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  • chillingchilling
    edited April 2016
    In Response to Re: Joke section.:
    Football team flying to World Cup Match in Columbia crash land in Amazon jungle where tribe of Pygmies capture them and threaten to kill them.  The tribal Chief has three beautiful Daughters who fancy some of the men so the Chief decides to spare them and set them a task to prove they are worthy to have one of his Daughters in Marriage. The footballers are reluctant to agree but as its either that or death so they agree to the task. They are made to line up on a river bank.  The Chief then tells them the first man to swim across the Crocodile infested river can chose one of his Daughters and the rest of the men can go free.   There's a splash and frantic swimming till one player reaches the other side exhausted but un-harmed....... the Chief praises him on his bravery and tell's him he is worthy and can have any one of his daughters in Marrage the rest of the team can go free,  which one does he want   The Player said,   " I want the Bast ard that pushed me in. !
    Posted by goldon
    Were the pygmies on their hols, as they originate from Africa.Stay behind and do 100 lines.I must research my content should suffice×100
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  • goldongoldon
    edited April 2016
    In Response to Re: Joke section.:
    In Response to Re: Joke section. : Were the pygmies on their hols, as they originate from Africa.Stay behind and do 100 lines.I must research my content should suffice×100
    Posted by chilling
    Illegal migrants fleeing from oppression lost their way trying to get to Britain ended up in amazon basin.
     no sat =nav
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  • goldongoldon
    edited May 2016
    What's.....     Neil Armstrong's favorite song?

    Fly me to the Moon .

    Moon River.

    Blue Moon.


    Nope !


















    It's
      














    Return to sender.?
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  • goldongoldon
    edited May 2016
      "Debutant's "     Why,  do they no longer have "Debutant's Ball's " 













    because












    Their always at the Policeman's Balls. 
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  • goldongoldon
    edited June 2016
     Always thought a  "T RA N N Y"    was ex- train spotter ........ gone oft  the rails.!









    OK  I'll give up and go away. sigh!
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  • izzysteerizzysteer
    edited June 2016

    Why did the baker have brown hands?

    Because he kneaded a poo.
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  • HaemophileHaemophile
    edited July 2016
    In Response to Re: Joke section.:
    From my 11 year old daughters friend! What has star trek and humans have in common? They both have clingons circuling Uranus. :S
    Posted by Darkangel7
    actually what does the starship enterprise and a roll of toilet paper got in common?

    they both go round uranus cleaning out the klingons
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  • paige55paige55
    edited July 2016

    nope they all float in space

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  • paige55paige55
    edited July 2016
    In Response to Re: Joke section.:
    nope they all float in space
    Posted by paige55
    so go catch one if you can lol xxx
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  • HaemophileHaemophile
    edited July 2016
    In Response to Re: Joke section.:
    Are any of you into your star signs??? Telling you that you will soon meet the woman of your dreams etc. etc. blah blah blah Personally I think it's all a load of rubbish, but that's just me. Typical Pisces!
    Posted by waller02
    hey guys i found the fish :)
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  • goldongoldon
    edited October 2016
    Woman goes to the Cattery to buy a cat.   She's asked which type breed of cat she's looking for, " A shaved Bald one please.? The surprised assistant asked  "Why a cat with no hair"!   "Well she said" my boyfriend told me "...... if I had a shaved Pu ssy it would make me a Fortune.
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  • goldongoldon
    edited October 2016
    Carpenter goes to "Irish Doctor" about his "Loose Stools" and got a Prescription for litre Wood Glue. 
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  • goldongoldon
    edited February 2017
    Paddy was looking for new Girlfriend so applied to go on "Take me Out" ...........
    ..... ended up on Paint Ball weekend.
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  • unknown_usernameunknown_username
    edited April 2017
    Paddy + Mick where watching the match on TV and having a few scotch, when the game ended, Mick goes to go home 0pens the door and it's pi ssing down, Stay here the night says Paddy, i'll go up and get the spare bed ready. Paddy comes down and there's Mick standing in the hallway ringing wet. What the fook did you go out for asks Paddy, well i had to go home and get my pajamas.
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  • MISTY4MEMISTY4ME
    edited April 2017
    In Response to Re: Joke section.:
    Paddy + Mick where watching the match on TV and having a few scotch, when the game ended, Mick goes to go home 0pens the door and it's pi ssing down, Stay here the night says Paddy, i'll go up and get the spare bed ready. Paddy comes down and there's Mick standing in the hallway ringing wet. What the fook did you go out for asks Paddy, well i had to go home and get my pajamas.
    Posted by tomo_efc
    CLASS ...... (:D}
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  • MISTY4MEMISTY4ME
    edited April 2017
    In Response to Re: Joke section.:
    Paddy + Mick where watching the match on TV and having a few scotch, when the game ended, Mick goes to go home 0pens the door and it's pi ssing down, Stay here the night says Paddy, i'll go up and get the spare bed ready. Paddy comes down and there's Mick standing in the hallway ringing wet. What the fook did you go out for asks Paddy, well i had to go home and get my pajamas.
    Posted by tomo_efc
    CLASS ...... (:D}
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  • goldongoldon
    edited April 2017
    Paddy & Mick applied for their new "Blue Passports" and were disappointed when there were no nude pictures in them.!




    (disclaimer)  Paddy & Mick are random names plucked from a Hat ...... could have been Tom D ick Harry.!
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