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Joke of the day!

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  • IDONKCALLUIDONKCALLU
    edited December 2011
    Did you hear about the new movie "Constipation?"...It hasn't come out yet
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  • IDONKCALLUIDONKCALLU
    edited December 2011
    Three men are sitting in a pub discussing how they think their wives are cheating on them.
    The first man said, "I found a toolbox under my bed last night, I think my wife is sleeping with a builder"
    The second man said: "That's nothing. I found a stethoscope under my bed last night, I think my wife is sleeping with a doctor2
    To which the third man said: "You two don't have a problem. I found a jockey under my bed last night, I think my wife is sleeping with a horse
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  • IDONKCALLUIDONKCALLU
    edited December 2011
    I woke up this morning with flowers tied to my di  ck.

    I asked the wife what the f  uck was going on.

    She replied, "You came home drunk last night and asked me to wrap my two lips round your c0 ck
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  • pilgrim07pilgrim07
    edited December 2011
      


       Bob : Hi Bill, What you doin`?
      
       Bill : Compiling my Christmas list.
     
       Bob : Oh yeah, whats on top?

       Bill : 007 Viagra.

       Bob : What you want that for?

       Bill : It helps me Roger Moore. 
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  • TheBigW000TheBigW000
    edited December 2011


    THIS SITE IS THE JOKE OF THE DAY !

    AND IT IS WON BIG JOKE TO AND I WOOD SAY 95% OF THE PLAYERS THAT PLAY ON HER ARE FULL OF xxxx AND PLAY ON LUCK ! NO SKILLL ON HER IT IS SO RIGED !

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  • mrmartmrmart
    edited December 2011
    a lorry full of road signs crashed on the m1 today, scattering its load all over the road, drivers didant know which way to turn
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  • ClackettClackett
    edited December 2011
    I walked into a bedroom and caught my Nan sucking my Grandads willy,
    i said "Nan thats disguisting"
    She said "its perfectly normal"
    i said "NO its wrong you should have had it cremated along with the rest of him!!!"
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  • dixo64dixo64
    edited December 2011


      what do scousers put in their stockings at christmas

      their heads
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  • waynecwaynec
    edited December 2011
    4 old guys are player there regular Thursday afternoon poker game in the pub, when a funeral passes the window one of the old guys gets out of his seat and bows his head. The other guys tell him he is a real gentleman to do that, he replied "Least I could do as I was married to her for 30 years" Boom Boom!
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  • Frank53Frank53
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Joke of the day!:
    Portsmouth
    Posted by Wilhelm
    LOL !!
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  • Frank53Frank53
    edited December 2011

    I could not think of a decent answer phone message to put on my mobile!

    After a while thinking i came up with this!!

    " HELLO, I'M SORRY I CANT RESPOND TO YOUR CALL AT THE MOMENT AS I APPEAR TO HAVE LOST MY PHONE! HOWEVER PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE, AND WHEN I FIND IT, ILL GET BACK TO YOU!"

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  • unknown_usernameunknown_username
    edited January 2012
    ' knock knock'


    'whos there?'


    'your mum'

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  • DoubleblowDoubleblow
    edited January 2012
    I see that the new Margret Thatcher film 'The Iron Lady' has been given a PG rating as they reckon its not suitable for miners.
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  • Poker_FailPoker_Fail
    edited January 2012
    In Response to Re: Joke of the day!:
    I see that the new Margret Thatcher film 'The Iron Lady' has been given a PG rating as they reckon its not suitable for miners.
    Posted by Doubleblow
    If only they had waited a couple of years, that film could have had a happy ending...
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  • logdonlogdon
    edited January 2012

     I was telling a friend.  " I had a Caribbean Wedding." I got Married on the Beach in Antigua.  "She said, she had a Romeo & Juliet Wedding".!   " Woow," you went to Verona in Italy."   No!  "Both families ended up fighting."?   

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  • logdonlogdon
    edited January 2012
      I told Hubby I had a Headache. !   He put my head through the window and the pain disappeared. ?
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  • micky6chinmicky6chin
    edited January 2012
    Two friends go to a faith healer, The faith healer says "I can heal any man of any problem!"
    "I I I I have a a a a st st stutter" says George, "okay go behind that curtain" says the faith healer,
    "I have two broken legs" says Harry. "not a problem!" replies the faith healer go behind the curtain with George.

    The faith healer says a few words of prayer and shouts "Harry throw your left crutch away... Now throw away your right crutch" he then says "George speak to me!" George replies "h h harrys f f f fallen over"
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  • DoubleblowDoubleblow
    edited January 2012
    Have you heard the one about the cross-eyed female harpoonist?


    She won the Miss W(h)ales contest!
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  • lucy4lucy4
    edited January 2012
    My wife was mortified when her PIP bre ast implant ruptured and slowly started leaking industrial-grade silicone. However, she`s now had her nipple pierced & we`ve been able to seal around the bath, shower tray & hand basin.

    Unashamedly nicked from EmillyEgg`s facebook page.
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  • shagga7777shagga7777
    edited January 2012
    I was in bed and my wife came in to the bed room and said
    " i`ve had a hot shower, shaven my arm pits and legs and my whole body, doused my self in your favourite perfume, put on my sexy lingeringe.........you know what that means big boy ? "
    I replied " yes, plug hole blocked again !! "
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  • pomfrittespomfrittes
    edited January 2012


      Wife was in hospitalhaving had surgery to tighten things up down below(4 kids and all that, things had got a bit loose). I, of course, was there when she came round and she asked who the three red roses at her bedside were from,
      I told her that 1 was from me to show her i loved her, the 2nd was from the surgeon to thank her for being a model patient and the 3rd was from wee Eric in the burns unit to thank her for the new ears.
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  • pomfrittespomfrittes
    edited January 2012


       Lonely Hearts Ad.


      Premature ejaculator seeks blonde female with massive ti....,  

     oh hang it doesnt matter.
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  • paige55paige55
    edited February 2012
    just been to the cash point to get some money out and guess who was in front of me, harry rednapps dog.
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  • paige55paige55
    edited February 2012
    due to the sad state of my sex life, i have converted to islam. my new name is seldom bin laid.
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  • paige55paige55
    edited February 2012
    sorry about the above if i have upset anyone xxxxx
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  • Squidge046Squidge046
    edited February 2012
    A man gets hit in the head with a frying pan.

    "What was that for?" He says.

    "I found this here piece o'paper with the name Heather on it. You better get to explainin yourself!" She says.

    "Oh honey! Heather is the name of a horse I bet on at the track last week." Says he.

    Satisfied, she left him alone................

    Later on, she hits him with a rolling pin.

    "What the Hell this time woman?"

    She tells him, "Your horse just called."
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  • innitinnit
    edited February 2012
       HOW TO SURVIVE WINTER  by goverment web site  when going on journy take flask  warm clothing  extra fuel  a torch  hazard light shovel and a phone     now they wont let me on the bus 
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  • lucy4lucy4
    edited February 2012
    Am in some serious trouble today, I got the Valentines cards mixed up yesterday. Now the Girlfriend thinks I love her & the wife thinks I wanna sh4g the 4rse off her.
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  • welshboyowelshboyo
    edited February 2012
    i said to this girl in  the pub last night i can tell any girl when they were born just by feeling there breasts
    she said ok then have a go ,so after a good 10 minutes of feeling them she said go on then when was i born.
    yesterday i replied
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  • bludreid11bludreid11
    edited March 2012

    i was in a contest to win a girl, we got down to the last 3
    the first guy had a 12" p enis
    the second guy had a 10" tounge, with a t.v on his head
    i won       i had the gun
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