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"That's a good start, out of those who believe in ghosts, how many of you think you have seen a ghost?"
About 40 students raised their hands.
"That's really good, I am so pleased you are taking this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"
About 15 students raised their hands.
"Has anyone ever touched a ghost" 3 students raised their hands.
"That is fantastic, let me ask one further question...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
Way at the back, Ahmed raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses and says, "Son, in all the years I have given this lecture, nobody has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You`ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience."
The young student replied with a nod and a grin and made his way up to the podium.
When he reaches the podium the professor asks, "So then Ahmed, tell us what it is like to have sex with a ghost?"....To which he replies..."Sh it from way up there, I thought you were saying Goat"
4 cans right between the eye"s what a shot !!
(JUST KIDDING BANANADOG)
Anyone can mash potato but not everyone can pea soup!
3 guys were riding in a car: a hardware technician, a systems analyst, and a programmer. The systems analyst is driving and when they come to a steep hill he finds that the brakes have failed and the car is accelerating out of control.
So, the driver pumps the emergency brake, downshifts the gears, and rubs the wheels' rims against the curb. He finally wrestles the car to a stop. The three climb out and assess the situation.
Hardware tech: "Let's try and fix it. I'll crawl under the car and take a look. "
Systems analyst: "No. I think we should get someone qualified to fix it, a specialist in brakes."
Programmer: "Why don't we just get back in and see if it happens again?"
Cos a bit of wood with a blade on is a sledge.
Shaun Wright-Philips in the England squad.
It`s a HOWLER.
When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day
Mike says, 'Joe, we both loved rugby all our lives, and we played rugby on
Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to
Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's rugby there.'
Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed,' Mike, you've been my best
Friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you.
Shortly after that, Joe passes on. At midnight a couple of nights later,
Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice
Calling out to him, 'Mike--Mike.'
'Who is it? Asks Mike sitting up suddenly. 'Who is it?'
'Mike--it's me, Joe.'
'You're not Joe. Joe just died.'
'I'm telling you, it's me, Joe,' insists the voice.'
'Joe! Where are you?'
'In heaven', replies Joe. 'I have some really good news and a little bad news.'
'Tell me the good news first,' says Mike.
The good news,' Joe says,' is that there's rugby in heaven. Better
Yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that,
We're all young again.
Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. And
Best of all, we can play rugby all we want, and we never get tired, or injured.'
'That's fantastic,' says Mike. 'It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?'
'You're in the team for Tuesday.'
What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?
SIR!
What`s black and lost 31 stone?
A: An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth!
Paddy is walking down the street eating a bag of doughnuts.
Murphy approaches him and says, ''Hey Paddy, if I can guess how many doughnuts
you have in the bag can I have one?
Paddy replies, ''Murphy, if you can guess how many doughnuts are in the
bag you can have both of them!!
Murphy answers, ''4"
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, 'What are these, Dad?'
The man matter-of-factly replies, 'Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.
Oh I see,' replied the boy. 'Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school.' He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, 'Why are there 3 in this package?
The dad replies, 'Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.'
'Cool' says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, 'Then who are these for?' 'Those are for college men,' the dad answers, 'TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday.'
'WOW!' exclaimed the boy, 'Then who uses THESE?' he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, 'Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March.......'