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Joke of the day!

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Comments

  • edited June 2010
    Guts vs. Balls
     
    There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:
    GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'
    BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the but t and having the balls to say: 'You're next, fatty.'
    I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.
  • edited June 2010

    Q: Why did the Elephant stand on the marshmallow?
    A: So he wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate.

  • edited June 2010

    Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
    A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.
     

    Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
    A: No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.

    Q: How do you shoot a green elephant?
    A: Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.

    Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
    A: Ever seen a yellow elephant?!!!

  • edited June 2010
    In Response to Re: Joke of the day!:
    Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant? A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.   Q: How do you shoot a red elephant? A: No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun. Q: How do you shoot a green elephant? A: Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun. Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant? A: Ever seen a yellow elephant?!!!
    Posted by BananaDog
     I think you need to take a trip to the doctors the medication you are on no longer seems to be stong enough! :)
  • edited June 2010
    In Response to Re: Joke of the day!:
    In Response to Re: Joke of the day! :  I think you need to take a trip to the doctors the medication you are on no longer seems to be stong enough! :)
    Posted by Donut64
    what can i say..i like elephants! lol
  • edited June 2010
    In Response to Re: Joke of the day!:
    In Response to Re: Joke of the day! : what can i say..i like elephants! lol
    Posted by BananaDog
     Maybe but I bet you couldnt eat a full one! :)

  • edited June 2010
    Two elephants walk of a cliff, Boom Boom!
  • edited June 2010
    hahahaha luving it mickly6chin!
  • edited June 2010

    Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
    A: Because it was dead.

    Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
    A: It was glued to the first one.

    Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
    A: It thought it was a game.

    Q: And why did the tree fall down?
    A: It thought it was an elephant.

  • edited June 2010
    really dont get these elephant jokes but ehres one for you anyway

    Q: How many elephants will fit into a Mini?A: Four: Two in the front, two in the back.Q: How many giraffes will fit into a Mini?A: None. It's full of elephants.Q: How do you get two whales in a Mini?A: Along the M4 and across the Severn Bridge.Q: How do you know there are two elephants in your refrigerator?A: You can hear giggling when the light goes out.Q: How do you know there are three elephants in your refrigerator?A: You can't close the door.Q: How do you know there are four elephants in your refrigerator?A: There's an empty Mini parked outside.


    Gareth
  • edited June 2010
    In Response to Re: Joke of the day!:
    really dont get these elephant jokes but ehres one for you anyway Q : How many elephants will fit into a Mini? A : Four: Two in the front, two in the back. Q : How many giraffes will fit into a Mini? A : None. It's full of elephants. Q : How do you get two whales in a Mini? A : Along the M4 and across the Severn Bridge. Q : How do you know there are two elephants in your refrigerator? A : You can hear giggling when the light goes out. Q : How do you know there are three elephants in your refrigerator? A : You can't close the door. Q : How do you know there are four elephants in your refrigerator? A : There's an empty Mini parked outside. Gareth
    Posted by 35suited
    Q: How do you know there are two elephants in your refrigerator?A: You can hear giggling when the light goes out.


    This one is deffo my fav! hehehehe!
  • edited June 2010
     Two elephants went to the seaside but only one went swimming because they only had one pair of trunks between them!
     An elephant goes into a bar and orders a pint of lager. The landlord thinks he is a elephant he wont know the price of lager so charges him 5 pounds. The elephant drinks is pint then starts to leave. The landlord stops him  and says we dont get many elephants in here! The elephant replys Im not surprised at these prices!
     
  • edited June 2010
    In Response to Re: Joke of the day!:
     Two elephants went to the seaside but only one went swimming because they only had one pair of trunks between them!  An elephant goes into a bar and orders a point of lager. The landlord thinks he is a elephant he wont know the price of lager so charges him 5 pounds. The elephant drinks is pint then starts to leave. The landlord stops him  and says we dont get many elephants in here! The elephant replys Im not surprised at these prices!  
    Posted by Donut64
    hahahaha!
  • edited June 2010
    Why do Elephants paint theit toe nails red?

    So, they can hide up in Cherry Trees.


    Ever seen an elephant in a Cherry tree? 


    No.   (So it works obviously )
  • edited June 2010
    these elephant jokes r the best! hahaha
  • edited June 2010

    Q: What is gray, has four legs, and a trunk?

    A: A mouse going on vacation.

    Q: What is brown, has four legs, and a trunk?

    A: A mouse coming back from vacation.

    Q: What has eight legs, two trunks, four eyes, and two tails?

    A: Two elephants!

  • edited June 2010
    How do you know theres an elephant in your Bed?


    Theres a big E on his pyjama Jacket
  • edited June 2010
    What do you call a Yugoslavian prost itute?

    Slobadon Meekokyabitch.
  • edited June 2010
    IF YOU`VE NOTICED THIS NOTICE YOU`LL NOTICE THIS NOTICE IS NOT WORTH NOTICEING.
  • edited June 2010
    What do you call a man with 3 eyes?

    Seymour.
  • edited June 2010
    In Response to Re: Joke of the day!:
    IF YOU`VE NOTICED THIS NOTICE YOU`LL NOTICE THIS NOTICE IS NOT WORTH NOTICEING.
    Posted by spornybol
    I NOTICE THAT I  HAVEN`T NOTICED ANYTHING WORTH NOTICING TO TAKE NOTICE OF AT ALL.
    HAVE I MISSED THE NOTICE ?,OR WASN`T THERE A NOTICE FOR ME TO NOT NOTICE IN THE 1ST PLACE ?.
    I`M VERY CONFUSED NOW AND NOTICED THAT I NEED A LONG LIE DOWN IN A VERY DARK UN-NOTICEABLE ROOM.  
  • edited June 2010
    i went to cash point today and was in que with an old lady, she was taking ages so i asked if she needed any help, she asked if i could check her balance so i pushed her over
  • edited June 2010

    DO NOT READ THIS

  • edited June 2010
    In Response to Re: Joke of the day!:
    DO NOT READ THIS
    Posted by spornybol
    That will go un-noticed then....
  • edited June 2010
    A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse tied round his neck. He walks up to the meat counter and calmly sits there until it's his turn to be served. A man, who is already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and notices the dog.


    The butcher leaned over the counter and asked the dog what it wanted today. The dog put his paw on the glass case in front of the ground beef, and the butcher said, "How many pounds?" The dog barked twice, so the butcher made a package of two pounds of ground beef.

    He then said, "Anything else?" The dog pointed to the pork chops, and the butcher said, "How many?" The dog barked four times, and the butcher made up a package of four pork chops.

    The dog then walked around behind the counter, so the butcher could get at the purse. The butcher took out the appropriate amount of money and tied the two packages of meat around the dog's neck.

    The man who had been watching all this time, decided to follow the dog. It walked for several minutes and then trotted up to a house where it began to scratch the door to be let in.

    As the owner appeared at the door, the man said to him, "That's a really smart dog you have there." The owner replied, "He's not all that smart. This is the second time this week he's forgotten his keys."

  • edited June 2010
    only if you notice the notice which if you notice is not worth noticeing
  • edited June 2010
    In Response to Re: Joke of the day!:
    only if you notice the notice which if you notice is not worth noticeing
    Posted by spornybol
    I did notice your don't notice this notice as it is not worth noticing...but i noticed it before I could ignore it!
  • edited June 2010
    In Response to Re: Joke of the day!:
    In Response to Re: Joke of the day! : I did notice your don't notice this notice as it is not worth noticing...but i noticed it before I could ignore it!
    Posted by BananaDog
    WHAT NOTICE DID YOU NOTICE TO IGNORE
  • edited June 2010
    In Response to Re: Joke of the day!:
    In Response to Re: Joke of the day! : WHAT NOTICE DID YOU NOTICE TO IGNORE
    Posted by spornybol
    I ignored the notice to not notice the un-noticable notice!
  • edited June 2010
    In Response to Re: Joke of the day!:
    In Response to Re: Joke of the day! : I ignored the notice to not notice the un-noticable notice!
    Posted by BananaDog
    SO YOU`VE NOTICE TO IGNORE NOTICE THAT WAS NOTICE TO IGNORE, I`ve NOTICED
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