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Pikea
oh no!! i can do better than that!!
You can smell peanuts on his breath
They are about to just lay down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says...........
"Hey Pepe, Do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon, I theenk."
"Si Luis, eet sure smells like bacon" said Pepe.
With renewed hope they both struggle up and over the next sand dune, and there in the distance is a tree loaded with bacon.
There`s raw bacon, grilled bacon, fried bacon, back bacon, smoked bacon......every imaginable kind of cured pork.
"Pepe, Pepe we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."
"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? we ees in the desert don`t forget."
"Pepe, since when deed you ever of a meerage that smell like bacon? ees no meerage.....ees a bacon tree."
Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within five metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up and Luis drops like a wet sock.
Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath......
"Pepe, go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree".......
"Luis, Luis mi amigo what ees it?"
"Pepe....ees not a bacon tree.....ees"
"ees"
"ees"
"ees"
"ees a Ham Bush"
**Please note that no offence is intended towards the ever-expanding Mexican community on here. Thanks.
Judge to child: Do you want to live with you Mother?
Child: No
Judge: Why?
Child: She beats me
Judge: Do you want to live with your Dad?
Child: No
Judge: why not?
Child: He beats me too
Judge: So who do you want to live with?
Child: England team
Judge: Whyyyyyyyyy????
Child: They never beat anyone!!
"There`s something he`s needin`"
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He was messing around and created a girl.
Two beautiful legs, so gorgeously slender,
To carry a treasure ever so tender.
Two shapely hips to increase his desire,
All rounded and firm to bring out the fire.
Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,
Commanding his eyes as he whispers aloud.
Two willing arms, just aching to bless him,
Two loving hands, to soothe and caress him.
Soft, cascading hair hung over her shoulder,
And two dreamy eyes, to make him grow bolder.
Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.
Then he added a mouth.....ruined the whole ****** thing.
is this one of yours or did you find it somewhere?
On their wedding night, the young bride
Approached her new husband and asked
For £20..00 for their first lovemaking
Encounter. In his highly aroused state,
Her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made
Love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a
Cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that
She needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was
Surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state.
During the next few minutes, he explained that
His employer was going through a process of corporate
Downsizing, and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find
Another position that paid anywhere near what
He'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which
Showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling
Nearly £1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued
By the bank which was worth over £2 million,
And informed him that they
Were one of the largest depositors in the bank.
She explained that for more than
Three decades she had 'charged' him for sex,
These holdings had multiplied and these were the
Results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments
Worth over £3 million, her husband was so astounded he could
Barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,
'If I'd had any idea what you were doing,
I would have given you all my business!'
That's when she SHOT him.
Men just don't know when to keep there mouth shut!!!
LIVERPOOL and
some bast@@rd stole it
If that stumps you though, just try reading the thread title back to yourself at least 10 times. Penny should drop. (fingers crossed)
lol, not sure if you`re sober, but if it makes you happy then we will go with that.
Night.
Brazil to meet Spain in Cape Town,
Italy to meet Holland in Bloemfontein,
Argentina to meet Mexico in Johannesburg,
AND
France to meet England at the F***** Airport!!
Either way, please stop stalking me......its worrying/unhealthy.
Try some humour instead. You might even enjoy it ;0)
Why is it women can always remember everything you have done wrong since you met her but cant remember were she moved your wallet too?
Men love women despite their faults! Women love mens faults so she can point them out and deflect attention away from her own faults!
anyway...off to work, your giros don't just fall out the sky you know.
Unfortunately I missed it, I was too busy refereeing the match.
On the other hand it was huge
TELL YOU LATER