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the man instantly turns away. the black guy looks at him and says 6 7 320 turner brown. a second later the man is on the floor and the black guys splashing water in the mans face. the man comes round and the black guy says you fainted mate r you ok. the man says what did you just say to me. the black guy replies the answers to the same 3 questions i always get asked im 6 ft 7 my weight is 320 pounds and my name is turner brown. the man says turner brown. i thought you said turn around.
every morning like clock work .
The doc says thats good and healthy......
Man replys but i dont get up till 9.....
put her in a cirle and say stand in a corner
He said "I don't like butterflies, never have done" I said " Well you can go without butter for a week"
10 minutes later a bee landed on the path and he went and trod on it. I said "What did you do that for?" He said "I dont like bees. Never have done"
I told him he would go without honey for a week cos bees make honey.
Just then his Grandma came out the back door an trod on a cockroach.
He looked up at me and said "Are you gonna tell her Grandad or shall I?"
A woman walks into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asks.
"Hunting flies," he responds.
"Oh, killing any?" she asks.
"Yep, three males and two females," he replies.
Intrigued, she asks: "How can you tell them apart?"
"Easy,” he replies: “Three were on a beer can, and two were on the phone."
@, I`m putting my shoes on!``
A man walks into a restaurant and orders a cheeseburger. When he takes a bite out of it, he notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress: "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"
So, the waitress takes him back to the kitchen and to his horror, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his armpit.
"That's disgusting!" the man says.
"You think that's disgusting?” the waitress replies: “You should see him make doughnuts."
A woodworm walks into a bar and asks...
"Is the bar TENDER here?"
hahahaha boom boom
what's with the notches I asked? Young fella he says,....these notches are for all the no-goods I killed with this gun.
3 were bank robbers
2 were horse rustlers
2 were claim jumpers
2 were gunslingers
oh,and a mexican.
wait a minute sez I, that only comes to 10 men yet there's 11 notches on the handle.
To which he replied 'Thats because you get bonus notches for killing mexicans!!!'
9/10
She asked me what I did for a living. My mind was mush and I made up some implausible story about being an atronaught who was moonlighting as a professional poker player in order to fund a private expidition to Mars. (Tell me your mind has never been mush!!) Being an imaginative conversationalist, I then asked her what she did.
"I'm a witch," she replied. I did not immediately believe her.
"What, you can turn people into frogs and things?" I asked. (I told you I was an imaginative conversationalist.
"Yes," she asserted, "I can turn people into anything I choose."
"Prove it," I challenged.
"OK," she agreed and promptly reached out and placed her hand on my knee. Sure enough, with with no more ado, I immediately turned into a lay-by.
There were two gay guys living together. One was more feminine and the other more masculine.
The masculine one lacked chest hair and it seemed to become a real problem for him. So, one day he decided to visit the doctor to see why he had no chest hair and if there was something he could do about.
Well, the doctor said there was nothing wrong with the guy, and really the only thing he could try to stimulate hair growth was to smother Vaseline all over his chest daily and perhaps the skin would become stimulated enough to produce hair.
The masculine homosexual was elated. He went immediately home and smothered his chest in Vaselinel.
When his partner came home and jumped into bed with him, he felt the Vaseline and asked, "What in the hell are you doing?"
The masculine one explained what the doctor said and waited for comment from his partner. Finally, his partner said,
"Don't you think if that was true that you would have a "pony tail" coming out of your arrrse by now?"
Twelve monks were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up, nude, in a garden while a nude model danced before them. Each monk had a small bell attached to his privates, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The model danced before the first monk candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response until she got to the final monk. As she danced, his bell rang so loudly it fell off and clattered to the ground. Embarrassed, he bent down to pick up the bell, and eleven other bells began to ring......
The queen and dolly parton die on the same day.
An angel meets them and tells them there is only room for 1 of them in heaven and asks them why they think they should get in.
Dolly takes off her top and says these are the most perfect breasts god ever created and im sure it will please him to see them everyday.
The queen drinks a bottle of water, wees into a toilet and pulls the lever and is admitted to heaven.
Dolly is outraged and asks what was that all about.
"Sorry Dolly", says the angel, "but even in heaven a Royal Flush beats a Pair, no matter how big they are!"
I had a pen friend once.
It ran out of ink!!