Lambert180 ----- Life After The Grind -------

aussie09

hi paul,

if i can contribute anything it would be all about change but applied differently to the two things you mention.  in my opinion, for children it is about embracing change, for poker it is resisting change.

you are an excellent poker player who makes the most of your edges in particular games.  you have demonstrated this for years.  unfortunately, this could also seduce you away from safe territory.  seduced to go large, or seduced to a different format.  whichever it is, you might be foregoing too many of your edges.

for your daughter, it might be most rewarding to embrace change.  this is to discard some of the ideals that many other parents consider important.  i had some dreams dashed but discovered that it is possible to find magic when having a different vision.

i know this sounds a bit abstract.  good luck.


 

Tikay10

Really sorry to hear that, Paul, my thoughts are with you & your family, & it must be a little challenging one way & another right now.

Tikay10

There was an absolutely stunning line in Aussie's post, which, if I may say so, you should think about very carefully indeed, it's one of the most amazing sentences I have ever seen on the Sky Poker community, but only because I have a little more insight than most into why Rob said this.....


"........i had some dreams dashed but discovered that it is possible to find magic when having a different vision."


He speaks from experience, & I hope you consider it very carefully.

It's not for me to suggest how you deal with it, & I hope Rob won't mind me saying so, but it might be helpful to you if you had a private chat by PM with Rob.  

Lambert180

Thanks Rob and all. I'll reply more when i have a free moment but just wanted to say that me and Emma have definitely embraced all the changes in Lily. I know its the standard thing for a parent to say but I really wouldn't swap her/change her at all. Of course sometimes she can be testing but there's so many other great traits that come along with it all.

Our concerns are more around others and how she will interact in tge world. Mainly her sister is obviously too young to understand why 'its ok' for lily to swear etc. Its delicate balance, she has vvv high levels of anxiety and that's why she swears (we think), like a release, but she's also anxious about swearing and fearing she willbe told off, so if u tell her off for swearing it increases her anxiety, she panics and swears more, but if u say its fine then will she just think its fine and always do it... We ain't sure what the best line is, and no one else is yet either.

The main concern for me is expulsion just because I know it'll be rough for lily to cope with but atm the teachers have her sat out of the classroom because she's toi disruptive, so their 'line' is she's learning nothing being out of the class but she can't be in the class so they are already saying it might not be the best place for her and they won't be able to cope under the current system if things don't improve soon, but I know it'll be months before she even gets seen by a medical professional which I think will be too late.

Ty Tikay I will drop him a PM

Blackpuma

In Response to Re: Lambert180 ----- Lolpro and Onwards -------:

hi paul, if i can contribute anything it would be all about change but applied differently to the two things you mention.  in my opinion, for children it is about embracing change, for poker it is resisting change. you are an excellent poker player who makes the most of your edges in particular games.  you have demonstrated this for years.  unfortunately, this could also seduce you away from safe territory.  seduced to go large, or seduced to a different format.  whichever it is, you might be foregoing too many of your edges. for your daughter, it might be most rewarding to embrace change.  this is to discard some of the ideals that many other parents consider important.  i had some dreams dashed but discovered that it is possible to find magic when having a different vision. i know this sounds a bit abstract.  good luck.  
Posted by aussie09

Nice post Rob and Paul i hope things work out for you, family which comes first and pokerwise, all the very best

MISTY4ME

Hiya Paul

I'm so sorry to hear about the way things have gone so far this year, and your increasing problems with your family. I'm sure even though you don't think they are impacting on your Poker, they almost certainly will be affecting you mentally. Even if its only in a small way, this can take away your edge and affect your confidence. 

I think Rob's post is a very good one, particularly with regards to your family. After all they are truly the most important part of our lives. Once you have your home life more settled, and not affecting you as much mentally, then I'm sure it will be like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. 

Whilst you wait for help with your daughter, read as much as you can about the conditions she has, and try and watch any helpful videos/tv programmes about how to understand and deal with children with her condition. I know it's not comparable to what you're daughter has, but 15 years ago, my wife suffered with really bad post-natal depression and extremely severe panic attacks, which initially weren't diagnosed, and I couldn't leave her in the house alone. Once we finally realised what it was, I read as much as possible about the condition so I understood how I could help, even if it was only reminding her that she wasn't going to die, and she could cope. The stress of it all did affect my Golf at the time, as I was torn between two stools, but there is always light at the end of the tunnel, and the more you understand your daughters condition, the more you can help your family, and most importantly help yourself too.

Poker-wise I'm definitely not the person to advise you, as I don't do the daily grind of earning as many points as possible (though I do love the sats. to mtt's, and often play them for 6-8hours prior to the tourneys themselves), but what I used to do with Golf, and the Pro's who I coached, was to take a break from Tournament life. Work on my game with my coach for 3-4 weeks, usually stripping my swing back to the simple basic fundamentals, and building from there (I've always related the golf swing to building a house/any building......as long as the foundations are right, then you can keep building as high as you want, and I'm sure this principle can be adopted for Poker too), and I found that with that, my mind was refreshed and I came back with new confidence and eager to play again. I know on my small scale, I have done the same with Poker, by taking a 2-4 week break and watching old Sky Poker ch861 programmes, reading a little book I have( I wouldn't mind a recommendation for another really good one please), and I have found that I certainly run much better, which improves my confidence and I look forward to playing so much more.

One of the other really important assets that all the top Pro Golfers have, is a Sports Psychologist. Understanding your mind is more than half the battle in most Professional sport, so any books on Sports Psychology may help too.

Good Luck Paul, and I really do hope this helps in some small way, coz it was great to meet you last August (at my first live tourney) and hopefully it can help get you back on track and help you to rebuild your confidence.

Best Wishes, 

   JEZ     (MISTY4ME) 

waller02

Hi Paul,

Sorry to hear you're going through a rough time both on and off the tables. I wish you and your family all the best.

unknown_username

i echo what all of the above say Paul gl m8

benc

Hey lambert , I worked with various autistic students who were moved from "mainstream" schools to a school which had smaller classes and lessons tailored more to the students specific needs albeit at an older age. Completely understand the concern about change of routine and having been involved in the integration process into a different school with different students staff etc it is extremely difficult at first for all parties but once this process is complete, however long it may take it is incredibly beneficial for the child. Unfortunately it's a ridiculously tough spot for a parent as it means putting your child through trauma for x amount of time, however from personal experience of working in that setting i can say that after the initial adaption period the students started to thrive and find areas of interest, reported to be happier at home etc. Obviously this is only one small example and each individual will be an incredibly complex and different case to consider, but it is sometimes better to have some short term instability to provide a better chance of permentant stability in the future. Hope that doesn't sound like a lecture or anything, can't begin to imagine how difficult it is to balance making the right decisions for both your daughters whilst trying to ensure they are both happy. 

Not sure what games you play and stuff these days, if you have any interest in HU  happily try help out in some way, just pm or skype if you still have it.

IrishRose

Hi Paul

Just wanted to say that I wish you and your family the very best.  You could literally be writing the story of a friend of mine who has 2 boys (slightly older but with same age gap of 3 years).  The eldest son was diagnosed (eventually) as being on the autistic spectrum.  Had no ability to mix with other children or adults and no idea of acceptable behaviour.  He did end up excluded from school at age 9 as teachers couldn't control his outbursts and he was hitting other children towards the end.  Obviously his parents were broken by all of this and struggled to cope with everything - especially with having the younger child to look after aswell.  I'll be honest - it took months even at that stage to get their son the help he needed - but eventually they did get it.  He was assigned to a "special" school - and after approx 6 weeks of tantrums, tears and meltdowns he suddenly settled there realy well.  They ended up getting everyone they could involved - the health visitor (even though he was over 5), the GP - basically hounded the GP for help in getting the son referred, the school, the school governors etc and even their local MP.  Once the diagnosis was confirmed by child pyscologists etc everything moved extra quick for them.  The hardest thing they found was coming to accept that the "special" school could actually be the best solution - but in the end it did turn out to be the case.

Sorry bout the essay - like in real life I forget to stop for breath

Wishing you all the best - there is light at the end of the tunnel - but it might not be more than a tiny pinprick at the moment.

Pokerwise I'm afraid I'm defo not one to offer advice to you!!  Your confidence is low - that's prob the main problem.  Nothing wrong with your game anything you've been up against me!

Glenelg

Hi Paul,

Loonnggg time lurker & admirer of your poker skills.  

Not much to say really as it's all been said above by people more knowledgeable than me.

Just to say good luck & hope things improve soon on ALL fronts.

p

gogogadget

Hi Paul,

I followed your twitch sessions (grey face) and can't believe I've only just found this diary!

I really wish you and your family all the best at this difficult time. I can't imagine how tough that must be for you all.

I can't help thinking that the poker issues must be related to your real-life issues.

Can't offer any advice on either front but hope that you find the right solutions.

GELDY

So sorry to hear the news Paul. 

All I can suggest is to hound the authorities to get the appropriate medical attention. Don't let go and take no excuses. 

And then having found an expert do what they say. It's their job to find a solution, not yours to second guess one. If they think a new school is better give it a go. It is only by trying possible solutions will you find the one that works. Yes it might be painful, but you've got to give it a go. 

Fingers crossed for you. 

Meanwhile don't worry about the poker. You're unlikely to be able to play your best with that overhanging you. Keep the pressure down and play for the fun. I know it's your profession but for now just use smart Brm and keep your hand in with the style you want to play. Rather 1 table NL50 than 10 table NL4.

All the best. 

unknown_username

I'm so sorry you and you family have this trauma to deal with.

There will be people in your area that have been down road . My brother has an Autistic daughter and he's active in parent groups with autistic children.

facebook revealed one when I looked .

Autism Support in Oxfordshire for parents/careers

Lambert180

Ty everyone for the advice and support.

Rose you mentioned going to the local MP and you're not the first to suggest that. As it happens our local MP is David Cameron... people (myself included) may laugh at this statement given some of the recent changes that are being made/discussed but apparently he does do a lot to help out people in his constituency who struggle with disabilities. 

I know he has a disabled child himself which probably gives him a decent insight into the system and I know he was a big help to Emma's auntie (and cousin) with her disabled son. Apparently he was personally calling her on a regular basis and making sure everything was going along well and if he could do anything to help, albeit this was a little before he became PM. Anyway, seems like a good route to take while waiting for other things to get moving, it can't do any harm.

============================

Yeah like Rob said, I've definitely thrown out the window all the ideals that other parents might consider important. Now I think it's all just about making sure Lily is happy within herself.

You're all spot on that life stress has a big impact on poker (and everything you do), I'm sure I can't be playing at my best with this going on atm.

Tyty Misty, another great post. That is the plan, to go back to basics with poker, make sure I've got all my foundations down well, and maybe even start enjoying the game again

=============================

I meant to add in that recent update btw that by some miracle I've still managed to stay off the smokes... it'll be 14 weeks tomorrow, and with everything that's going on I've been tempted many times, especially at UKPC cos I usually smoke a lot live anyway but nope still had 0 cigarettes in the last 14 weeks.

weecheez1

I follow your posts mate and things will turn around you seem like a well rounded person life flings us a curve ball now and then and I have no doubt you will take on these problems head on be lucky in life and poker

MISTY4ME

In Response to Re: Lambert180 ----- Lolpro and Onwards -------:

I meant to add in that recent update btw that by some miracle I've still managed to stay off the smokes... it'll be 14 weeks tomorrow, and with everything that's going on I've been tempted many times, especially at UKPC cos I usually smoke a lot live anyway but nope still had 0 cigarettes in the last 14 weeks.
Posted by Lambert180

Fantastic job and a real positive, and something to be very proud of that you have managed to stay off the ciggies, particularly with everything that is going on in your life, though sadly it looks like it has coincided with your run bad at Poker. Perhaps you can find something to replace the calming influence they have(I have never smoked so I don't know if this is what they do), but having done so well please try and see it through......after all the money you're saving can be put to a far better use (Tourney entries).

I'm sorry I missed you at UKPC, it was so busy,(and I'm not the tallest), .....and by the time it was a bit quieter, I was struggling to see/focus/recognise anyone as I'd got KO'd too early and had too much liquid refreshment !!

Look forward to meeting up next time and stay positive

Best Wishes

JEZ 

Itsover4u

Great post... variance is a cruel mistress.

Seriously I wouldnt worry to much though the volume to downswing does not really warrant any panic unless you feel you have some major leaks.

Doug Polk (WCGrider) has a 3 months downswing and he is widely accepted as the best NLHE cash player alive currently. Easy to say but being results orientated can preety bady effect your attitude.

Im going to guess everytime you play and get it in.... you can feel a bad card coming.... then it comes?

bearlyther

Hope you are able to get the relevant help from all the various agencies that can help your daughter.  Most important part of poker is being in the right frame of mind to play and with the issues with your daughter at the moment you wont be playing at your 100% best with them issues hanging over your head.  Hope they are able to help you and your family.

Also with dyms im not sure how much money there is to be made in them games, sure you will be profitable but by how much?  I was speaking to timmy at the wkend who i know crushes them but if youve now got about 3 or 4 decent regs in the game which has a low edge due to the nature of it im not sure how much you can expect to make longterm from that game.

Think you can still play them and flick in 1 or 2 on the side when your table count is low i would do this occasionally. But unless your on a very high rakeback deal like 30% plus some rakeraces added in which isnt the case on here im not sure how much value there is in them games longterm.

Phantom66

Best wishes to you and your family Paul.

I do hope you get the support you need for Lily. While gut instinct for any parent would be to fight to keep her in mainstream education if her condition is not manageable in that setting then a specialist centre may be a better solution.

I would exhaust all possible sources of help first though. One of my sons was diagnosed on the autistic spectrum, not too severe and I can't claim to know what you are going through, We did get support through CAMHS which I know can be hard to come by and we worked with his schools. Understanding the condition and developing coping strategies were really valuable for us and him and communicating constantly with the schools. 

To have a skill edge you need some natural aptitude, plus plenty of knowledge and experience. You also need  dedication to keep improving. You clearly have shown that in abundance over a long period. But to make that count you need to be able to focus.

It must be hard to focus at the moment, and without that it's hard to get good results and bad results affect confidence and create a vicious circle. I would cut the hours and stick to one format as others have suggested. It would appear that you have your biggest skill edge in cash, not to say you cant earn money in other formats but I don't think now is the time to be mixing formats. At least with cash shorter sessions are possible and you can stop quickly if needed without losing a few buy ins.

Good luck.

Lambert180

Cheers all

@ItsOver - yeah feel like that recently but I genuinely don't think it's affecting my decisions. Like I don't think I'm avoiding building pots with value hands 'incase they hit' etc. +1 variance is a cruel mistress, I'm sure that I am playing sub what I'm capable of, but I'm also vv sure that I'm not playing so bad that I've actually become a losing player, but that's been the case for 6 months. It's a tough tough game!

@Conor - Yeah I deffo agree edges are small at DYMs, especially when games get reg heavy and people aren't making many mistakes. Fwiw, DYMs were never a long term plan anyway. I was just so tilted by months and months of running bad at MTTs, I thought I'd take a month out to play a lower variance format, also a game where I could make £500+ or so of RB and try to just get a winning month under my belt. Obv nothing is guaranteed in poker though, and I managed to run terrible at DYMs too lol. 

@Phantom - tyty, Yeah we've been through CAMHS before, they were the ones who diagnosed her with autism, although they then discharged her after the diagnosis without any real help. We've been re-referred back to them now though because things have escalated a lot since they last saw her.

=================

Played my first bit of poker for a while last night, it was the £5k Prio freeroll so wasn't gonna miss that. It got about 150 runners, with £1.4k ftw, top 16 paid (big mincash too £80), and I bust in 19th KQ<KJ aipf

So played a few tables of 4NL alongside just to keep me busy, lost a couple of quid.

unknown_username

hey Paul,you WILL come out the other side both with Lily and poker better for it.Believe mate,.believe,its tough now it will get better.stay positive friend...sean

Donttelmum

Do it

radiofed28

Hey lambert how did you do in the freeroll in the end? Hope you shipped it mate. Gl at the tables!

Lambert180

In Response to Re: Lambert180 ----- Lolpro and Onwards -------:

Hey lambert how did you do in the freeroll in the end? Hope you shipped it mate. Gl at the tables!
Posted by radiofed28

Cheers Fed, yeh I did take it down in the end for £600. Totally forgot the Prio FR was on tbh until I was mooching about online and logged into Sky at 9:15pm and late regged. 

I got pretty lucky to get HU with a huge CL, but an unusual kind of lucky.... Solack had just continued folding lots and had about 12k left (blinds were 600/1.2k), while me and EmmaWatson had about 50k each.

Emma opens on the BTN to 25k (not a typo lol), which after the hand I found out as I suspected was a misclick, I woke up with KK and jammed and I guess Emma felt like, even if the open size was a misclick, she couldn't raise/fold 20bb out of a 40bb stack with 77 and I held. So I got HU with about 110k v 12k.

It was a very welcome win! It's amazing what 1 result can do for your confidence sometimes.

Donttelmum

wp Paul

radiofed28

In Response to Re: Lambert180 ----- Lolpro and Onwards -------:

In Response to Re: Lambert180 ----- Lolpro and Onwards ------- : Cheers Fed, yeh I did take it down in the end for £600. Totally forgot the Prio FR was on tbh until I was mooching about online and logged into Sky at 9:15pm and late regged.  I got pretty lucky to get HU with a huge CL, but an unusual kind of lucky.... Solack had just continued folding lots and had about 12k left (blinds were 600/1.2k), while me and EmmaWatson had about 50k each. Emma opens on the BTN to 25k (not a typo lol), which after the hand I found out as I suspected was a misclick, I woke up with KK and jammed and I guess Emma felt like, even if the open size was a misclick, she couldn't raise/fold 20bb out of a 40bb stack with 77 and I held. So I got HU with about 110k v 12k. It was a very welcome win! It's amazing what 1 result can do for your confidence sometimes.
Posted by Lambert180

Awesome, well played and well deserved. Sucks that Emma had that misclick, that other guy folded his way through like 5 places. Good luck for the rest of the month.

TimmyRaRa

Good to see the diary back buddy and nice result gl with the rest of the month.

Lambert180

Well I was just almost sick!!

I saw Sky were doing a little offer giving you £2 to play live roulette, and I'm a proper nit so I do this kinda stuff lol. The £2 was in the form of 8 x 25p chips and you gotta wager £20 total to be able to make it 'real money' so plan was to keep betting £2 on red/black and if I make it 10 spins then I've won a few quid...

Did first spin on red, won, all very nice.

Then I stuck all of (what I thought were) the promo chips onto red again. Except I was actually flicking on £100 chips onto red, and what I didn't realise about live roulette (online) is that you only get like a 60 second window, if that, to place your bets, you don't need to click confirm or anything, if they're still there at the end of the 60 seconds, it's locked in.

I realised what I'd done about 10 seconds after putting the chips on, frantically tried to get them off and then saw her spin the ball

Thankfully, I 'only' ended up with £300 on it, but I felt absolutely grim for those 30 seconds while it was spinning. Anyone who knows me, knows I'm a massiveeee nit and it'd probably hurt me to lose £20 on roulette, so felt pretty sick having £300 on the line.

Huge chuk of rungood though landed it on red and I'm now +£300 heart is still pounding though!!

stuarty117

In Response to Re: Lambert180 ----- Lolpro and Onwards -------:

Well I was just almost sick!! I saw Sky were doing a little offer giving you £2 to play live roulette, and I'm a proper nit so I do this kinda stuff lol. The £2 was in the form of 8 x 25p chips and you gotta wager £20 total to be able to make it 'real money' so plan was to keep betting £2 on red/black and if I make it 10 spins then I've won a few quid... Did first spin on red, won, all very nice. Then I stuck all of (what I thought were) the promo chips onto red again. Except I was actually flicking on £100 chips onto red, and what I didn't realise about live roulette (online) is that you only get like a 60 second window, if that, to place your bets, you don't need to click confirm or anything, if they're still there at the end of the 60 seconds, it's locked in. I realised what I'd done about 10 seconds after putting the chips on, frantically tried to get them off and then saw her spin the ball Thankfully, I 'only' ended up with £300 on it, but I felt absolutely grim for those 30 seconds while it was spinning. Anyone who knows me, knows I'm a massiveeee nit and it'd probably hurt me to lose £20 on roulette, so felt pretty sick having £300 on the line. Huge chuk of rungood though landed it on red and I'm now +£300 heart is still pounding though!!
Posted by Lambert180

Now stick that 300 on black nothing to lose